I miss you
by myguydied123
Summary: He left with just a simple note, a small message. After many terrible events Sodapop couldn't handle them feeling too much pain so he ran away leaving his family and friends to wonder where and why he left. What he didn't know was that his sudden goodbye left Ponyboy completely destroyed. Alone.
1. Chapter 1

**.:: I do not own The Outsiders::.**

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><p><strong>1. It still hurts<strong>

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><p>It's been a little over 4 months since the Curtis parents died. The oldest of their sons gained custody of his younger brothers. It's been a battle but he won in the end. Their friends were there by their side to support in any way. Darry worked 6 days a week for money making sure Sodapop and Ponyboy went to school, had food, clothes. Since it's been recent the tragic events, the social worker visited often. That meant cleaning the house every day spotless.<p>

It was summer, just the beginning of July. Sodapop worked part time at the DX with Steve. He did it just because staying at home was boring enough. Ponyboy, still at the age of 13 soon to be 14, was on the couch drawing a horse he imagined. He didn't mind having a lot of free hours, lucky for him he was an introvert person so reading, being alone, day dreaming, etc., was enough to keep himself busy him. But those days he had so much time to himself that he thought about his parents. How they weren't there with him, how his mother wasn't baking cookies for desert. or his father playing football with Darry outside.

Tears began to form in his eyes so he blinked them back. Just then walked in Johnny with Twobit who began to whistle some catchy tune. Pony quickly looked the other way wiping his eyes trying to be discrete. Unfortunately Twobit and Johnny caught him. Johnny sat next to his friend putting his hand on his shoulder squeezing it letting him know he understood.

Twobit patted Pony's knee, "Hey, I was thinking we could go hang out. Maybe go watch a movie?"

Pony felt embarrassed his friends saw him this way, "Okay."

Twobit wanted him to be happy. After all he was like his little brother too. Loved him like everyone else did, maybe equally as his blood brothers. So seeing him all down in the dumps really crushed him. Johnny was an introvert as well so he comprehended him completely. He was his best buddy anyway.

"Let's go to the DX first, ya know, to tell your brother where you are." Twobit said.

They walked towards the DX, Twobit began telling them a story of a date that went wrong making his friends laugh. Ponyboy rolled his eyes when Keith made dirty comments like how big her breasts were or her booty. Actually he blushed, Johnny was costumed to this kind of talking but like Pony blushed too. Arriving, Steve nudged Sodapop.

"Look who we have here." Steve smirked.

Ponyboy went straight to Sodapop since he didn't get along too well with Steve, he always thought of him as a tag a long brat who couldn't leave his brother alone.

"I'm going out with them, mind telling Darry?" Pony asked.

Sodapop ruffled his hair, "'Sure I will little brother. Where ya heading off to?"

Twobit answered as he threw a ball of paper at Steve just to annoy him, "Just here and there...A movie...Maybe a beer!"

Sodapop pushed him playfully, "Don't you dare!"

Pony nodded, "Really we are, so don't get surprised to see me all boozed up."

Johnny joined the joke, "Yeah, it'll be fun."

Steve gave Soda a look, "What?!"

Twobit laughed pointing at Pony, "Look who's the clown now!"

Ponyboy grinned, "'Course we ain't Soda. You know I don't even like beer."

Soda sighed in relief, "You really had me there..."

"Well let's get going or we'll miss the movie!"

They waved goodbyes heading to the movie theatre in town. Some Socs drove by calling them names. Good old Twobit gave them the finger not really caring. Johnny stayed close to Ponyboy, he was the weakest after all still young. Though Johnny didn't look like his age, but still felt the need to protect him. Fifteen minutes later they were inside watching some lame comedy movie. Ponyboy was just glad to get distracted. It wasn't easy having to lose parents so young. He still needed them, yearned their attention.

In the middle of the film Twobit began horsing around by throwing popcorn at some pretty girls in the front. Some shouted at him to calm down, the girls gave him dirty looks. Pony and Johnny turned red from embarrassment. And to make matters worse, Dally showed up. He nodded a hello ignoring the angry statements from the crowd.

"Did I interrupt something?"

Johnny sighed, "No."

Ponyboy sipped his Pepsi concentrating on what was left of the movie. He didn't get to the end though, Dally joined Twobit with the fooling around crap. It was so much the trouble they had caused that an usher had escort them out. Ponyboy hung his head down walking outside not happy about getting kicked out, the people inside looked at the boys with angry expressions. Johnny shook his head, _Can't they ever stay still for just a moment?_

"Well that was sure a good movie doncha think Pones?" Twobit happily stated.

"Yeah right, especially the ending."

Twobit scratched the back of his head, "We didn't get to finish the movie..."

Ponyboy glared at him, "Exactly!"

Dally laughed, "Calm down! Sheesh! C'mon, I wanna go down to Buck's, I'm itching for a beer or two."

The youngest Greaser sighed, "I can't go there Dal. Darry told me not to."

"Oh yeah, I forgot. You're still a baby." Dally snickered.

"Am not!" Pony snapped.

Johnny took him by the arm leading him the opposite way, "It's ok, we'll go to your house. See you later guys."

"Sounds like a plan Johnny Cakes!"

Both made their way back to the Cutis house safely with no interruptions. Just as they walked inside the phone rang. Pony picked it up.

"Yeah?"

It was Darry, " Is that any way to pick up the phone? How many times have I told you to answer in a much better way? You're not any hood-"

Ponyboy exhaled loudly, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry. Oh um, I just got back from the movies."

"Good...Good...Remember to tell Soda it's his turn to make dinner. Is Johnny with you?"

"Uh-huh."

"Tell him to stay for dinner. I'll be back at home no later than 8. Take care kiddo , love you."

"Me too, bye."

He hung up the phone, Johnny had turned on the television looking for something good to watch. Ponyboy plopped himself next to him on the couch. His sketchbook fell off landing on the floor. Johnny picked it up looking inside. Ponyboy let him, he trusted him. Nobody else would appreciate these kinds of stuff like best friend Flipping through the pages with well drawn images Johnny nodded very impressed.

"You sure have a great talent Pone."

Pony smiled, "Thanks, it ain't much but I do my best."

"Ain't enough? You kidding? These are great."

"Thanks again Johnny Cakes. Hey, you're gonna stay for dinner?" He said it more like a statement then a question. Johnny stared out the window obviously thinking of his own place, well if you could call it _home._ His parents didn't give a hang if he ate or not, slept in, was hurt or even worse.

"Yeah...Is Sodapop cooking?"

"Unfortunately yes. Don't worry though, everything he makes is edible."

They started chuckling, he didn't need his so called parents. Johnny had his real family there. _I'm happy right where I am._

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><p>It was almost closing time in the DX, Sodapop was placing everything back in their rightful spot while Steve cleaned the garage. Before leaving their girlfriends had stopped by. Sandy, Soda's girlfriend, planted him a long kiss on his lips. She smiled caressing his arm, "Baby, I kinda need one small favor..."<p>

"Anything babe."

"I saw these pretty...bracelets in town...I thought maybe you could, " she gave him another kiss looking at Soda with her eyes widening in excitement, "Give me some money to buy it. It looks real nice, baby."

Sodapop pursed his lips thinking, _I guess I could give her some..._ He grabbed his wallet from the back of his pants handing her some cash, "I don't have much but I guess this will do."

Sandy grinned taking it, "Gee thanks sweetie!"

Her boyfriend was happy seeing her beam, all he wanted was for her to be happy. She did make him feel better when his parents died. Sandy was the love of his life through his eyes. _God I love her. So much._

"Well we better go Evie, I'll see you tomorrow babe."

Evie winked at Steve walking alongside Sandy squealing some news to her. The girls disappeared after turning a corner. Steve wiggled his eyebrows at Sodapop grinning.

"Getting laid tonight?"

Soda rolled his eyes, "Shut up. Now hurry up It's my turn to make dinner."

Steve grimaced, "You better not make weird shit or I ain't eating it."

"Now now Steve, that's my specialty! It's my talent!"

"Talent shmalent, it just looks plain nasty."

Finally closing everything, they drove off home. Sodapop frowned a little getting closer to the familiar street. In this short amount of time he still hasn't been able to heal much since his parent's deaths. It was too sad to even be there sitting in his room knowing they wouldn't call his name for breakfast like every morning. It changed their brother's life so drastically, even Ponyboy started getting these nightmares where he screamed his head off waking up in sweat so much that his clothes got soaked up. The first night it happened Soda and Darry were scared shitless. Now he slept next to Pony, it seemed that it worked to keep him nightmare free.

The whole thing looked wrong, two boys in one bed. Nobody understood, Darry made his friends shut up about it. Soda simply let it go, as long as his baby brother was sleeping soundly.

Ponyboy and Johnny were on the porch smoking a cigarette watching the sky, suddenly he saw the car's headlights coming closer. He smiled widely as Soda stepped out of the vehicle. They hugged each other, Sodapop could feel the loving vibes coming from Ponyboy, _I couldn't handle loosing another loved one. Everyone is so important to me... Christ, why did this have to happen to us?_

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><p><strong><em>oOoOoOo<em>**

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><p><strong><em>I hope you enjoyed reading this first chapter. Have a nice day to you all. (:<em>**


	2. Chapter 2

**.::I do not own The Outsiders::.**

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><p><strong>2. Shattered into pieces<strong>

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><p>Dally and Twobit decided to take a small walk into town. Sometimes they needed their quality every now and then. Also because there wasn't much to do that day. Twobit was at the lot with Dally throwing the football around just messing around to waste time.<p>

"Say Twobit why don't we go buy some drinks?"

Twobit stared at the store nearby knowing it wasn't really 'buying.' It was more shoplifting than paying for any products. He nodded grinning knowing exactly what was the plan. _I'm thirsty after all...Why not?_

Getting inside, the greasers separated. One went to left the other to the right. The store clerk looked at the suspiciously, Greasers didn't really have a good reputation. Dally was a professional at this so he easily managed to hide the Coke in his jacket. Twobit was the distraction by looking at the magazines. Other people walked inside. _This is too easy, _Dally thought smirking.

Suddenly they heard a familiar voice giggling at the cash register, "Awe c'mon, buy me some chocolates will ya?"

Twobit stopped what he was doing listening in on that conversation, Dally went to the front of the cash register believing it was Sandy with Sodapop. He stopped quickly turning around so he wouldn't be seen.

"Grab them, which ever you want. I'd like, um, some chips or somethin." Sandy's _boyfriend_ said.

Dally shook his head gritting his teeth, _That two timing fucking broad._ He saw Twobit stick his head out from where he was, Dally pushed him out the door noticing the 'couple' pay. The cashier was going to say something about them but had to attend the costumers first.

Outside the Greasers hurried off into the streets, Twobit gulped before speaking, "Th-That wasn't Sodapop."

"No. No it fucking wasn't."

"Well I think we might be in the middle of a big shitty mess."

"Damn it. Out of all the broads Sandy had to do this. Hell I believe from Sylvia but Sandy?"

Twobit whistled loudly looking up at the sky, "Ya know what's the worst part of this is?"

"What?"

He sighed, "Telling Sodapop."

Dally groaned, "Ah hell."

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><p>Steve was getting back from a date with Evie. He grinned remembering every little detail they shared hours ago. <em>Two nights in a row. I'm going somewhere..<em>. He then slowed his car seeing some familiar faces on the side of the sidewalk. He slowed the car honking at his friends.

"Need a ride, greasers?"

"Thank man." Twobit said. Dally simply nodded a hello.

"What's up with the faces? Something wrong?"

"You seen Soda around?" Dally asked.

Steve didn't expect that question, "He's at...His place. Why?"

"I'm afraid we have some bad news. Awful news actually..." Twobit began.

"Shut it Twobit. We'll tell him ourselves." Dally warned.

"Cut the bullshit guys, what happened?" Steve was getting frustrated.

"Just be prepared to be a shoulder to be leaned on. "

The drive to the Curtis house was silent. There wasn't really anything to say. Steve had many questions to ask yet nobody would answer them until they got to Sodapop. Twobit rubbed his forehead knowing that was going to be a dreadful night. _Sodapop adores that chick. And when he finds out about ... Ah geez. What a fucking-tastic night._ Stepping out of the car they saw Ponyboy outside smoking. He waved a hello to them receiving grunts. He noticed all of them were in a bad mood. Inside were Johnny, Sodapop and Darry. Soda got up from his seat greeting his friends eagerly. Johnny looked up from a magazine he was reading smiling. Darry was in the kitchen cleaning up some stuff.

"Hey Steve! You crashing here tonight?"

Steve glanced at Dally and Twobit, "No, I just came by to see what these two hoodlums have to say."

Darry cleared his throat joining, "Is it something serious?"

Twobit muttered, "Oh, you bet."

Ponyboy walked inside folding his arms not understanding the sudden tension in the air. Dally sighed, he put a hand on Soda's shoulder, "I think you should sit down for this."

Sodapop had a confused look in his face while slowly taking a seat on the couch. Darry himself had stood up wanting to know what was going on. Twobit pressed his lips into a straight line thinking, _Here it comes._

"How are things between you and Sandy?"

"I-uh-What?"

Twobit groaned, "Soda, you know there are a lot of broads around. Sandy is just one in a bunch-"

"Sandy ain't just one in a _bunch_ Keith." Soda snapped.

Darry interrupted, "What's the point of all this?"

Steve was trying to figure it out himself, _Sandy? What's she got to do with all this? _Ponyboy had a bad feeling growing in the pity of his stomach, like something was going to explode. His eyes stayed focused on his middle brother desperate to finish this conversation already.

Dally rolled his eyes, "The hell with it. Soda, we saw your chick with another guy."

The room went silent. Ponyboy sucked in some air, _No way._ Steve smeared his hand on his face, _Ah shit._ Darry didn't really know how to react so he simply stayed still. Johnny stared at Dally wanting some sort of explanation. Twobit closed his eyes waiting to hear some cussing. Sodapop gaped at Dally's words. So many emotions inside filling him up. Shaking his head he whispered, "No...No...No, y-you're wrong. You're wrong! Sandy ain't like that!"

Twobit nodded, "We did Soda. I know it might be hard to-" He was pushed against the wall by Soda's arms, he glared at him hollering.

"You're fucking lying. I know it!"

Ponyboy widened his eyes at his brother's angry outburst, he quickly ran to him taking hold of his arm pulling him away, "Soda stop!" Darry also was beside him, "Let go Soda!"

Dally narrowed his eyes, "Soda, why the fuck would we be lying 'bout all this? You think this is some type of cruel joke? Well it's not so you better believe Sandy's a two timing broad."

Sodapop turned around ready to give him a piece of his mind until Steve stopped him, "Stop it man."

"It's just that-Sandy ain't like that! I know she wouldn't do this to me! She loves me!" He argued.

Dally barked out a laugh, "Yeah, some love she has."

Johnny glared at him, "Dally!"

The oldest Curtis's voice boomed, "Everybody shut up! Soda, just breath! Dally, Twobit, out on the porch with me. Ponyboy, go to your room with Johnny."

Ponyboy saw Steve lead Sodapop to the kitchen trying to calm him down. Johnny nudged him to get inside the room. Both sat on the bed, Ponyboy felt sad for his brother. He knew how he loved Sandy, the sparkle in his eyes when they got together. Every time he talked about her like someone so important to the world. All of that down the drain.

Outside, Darry was having a serious talk with Dally along with Twobit, "Did you really see them? And I want the truth, so no screwing around."

Dally grimaced, "Why wouldn't we be telling the truth? Yes, we saw them. Where? The store three blocks away from here. Sandy was all over this guy telling him to buy her crap."

Twobit agreed, "Really Dar, we swear."

"Ah Sandy. She seemed so...different." Darry groaned.

They heard footsteps getting closer, it was Soda. He had Darry's keys for the truck. Steve was telling him something about cooling off. Ponyboy heard the commotion so he too went out with Johnny. Darry tried grabbing Soda only to fail.

"Sodapop Patrick Curtis, where the hell do you think you're going?"

"Out!" That's all Soda said before driving off down the road. The gang just stayed there worrying if he'd do something stupid.

Sodapop gripped the steering wheel tightly, the seething inside ready to burst. The idea of Sandy being with another just didn't fit anywhere in his mind. He couldn't imagine it. Inside his chest the needle like sting dug deep into his heart. _Sandy ain't a greasy chick. I know she's better that what those two dip shits said. We love each other and love doesn't cheat._

Driving around town wasn't really for him too cool off. Actually he went looking around for his 'beloved.' Being around eleven at night, there were many greasy kids outside disobeying their parents cussing up a storm. Guys just hanging around barking out a laugh whenever one of them mentioned a Soc or dirty joke. Girls smoking like chimneys believing they looked cool with a lot of make up on and provocative clothes smiling sensually just to gain attention. Soda sighed angrily, _I'll just go over to her place. Her parents can shout all they want, I'm going to see her!_

While driving, he passed the famous East Side park where at night it would be filled with many horny couples hiding in the shadows doing..._stuff._ His heart began to pond as he drove slower as his eyes wandered around looking to see if she was there. _Please God, no... No...No..._ Sadly though, there was the girl. _His _girl in another man's arms. Sodapop turned off the ignition letting the car stay where he was, the needle piercing deeper into his heart.

The blonde girl was eating up his other boyfriend with kisses her arms wrapped around his neck while his arms around her hips fingers tightly grabbing her behind, she was pressed against his body in a very sensual manner. Soda was speechless, _Sandy..._

Then without warning he went straight over to them pushing the guy off of her making him stumble backwards. Sandy covered her mouth with widened eyes surprised.

"S-Soda I can explain!"

"You shut up Sandy and _you_. Get out of here!"

The guy quickly stood up swinging at Soda to which he missed. He received one blow to the face making his nose bleed. Sandy yelled, "Stop! Please!"

Then Soda got punched in the stomach with an _Umph!_ He responded with a punch of his own landing the other one to the ground.

"Mark! Stop! Just leave!"

Mark, the other boyfriend, scowled at him, "Fuck you." He left wiping away the blood.

Middle Curtis whipped around, "Really Sandy? Really?!"

Sandy bit her bottom lip, "I-I'm sorry."

"Sorry?! That's all you have to say?!"

She began to cry, "I really am Sodapop! I-I was I just didn't. You don't understand!"

Sodapop scoffed, "Well sorry for me not fucking understanding that _you_ were kissing another guy! I must be so _stupid!_"

She stopped her crying, her eyes met his for a moment looking serious. A quivered breath escaped her lips, "I've been wanting to tell you something Soda... Maybe this isn't the right time or the place..."

"Say it."

"Soda..."

He trembled with frustration, "Just say it Sandy!"

"I-I'm marrying Mark."

"Soda!" Somebody yelled behind them. It was Steve, he was with Darry and Twobit. They were looking for him since he didn't show up at home hours after he left. His friend held him by the arm thinking he'd go berserk.

"Let it go man, this ain't worth it." Steve hissed.

Soda ignored him, "Why? Wh-What does he have that...I don't?"

She glanced at Soda's friends then at him, "Everything."

The blonde girl lowered he head whispering her last words to him before she could completely disappear from his life, "I'm really am sorry."

"Sandy...Sandy!"

Darry grabbed him by the waist before his brother could go after her, "Oh no you don't."

Twobit shook his head, _Damn Sandy..._

In the truck, Sodapop had his face covered with one hand holding in the tears not wanting to cry in front of everybody. Darry glanced at him while driving home, his jaw clenched suddenly hating the person who broke his brother's heart. Steve closed his eyes knowing very well Soda was going to be depressed, shattered. He saw the look on his eyes when Sandy left. _Absolute sadness._

_Crazy huh? The person you love most simply leaves just like that. Ain't that something to cry 'bout?_

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><p><strong>oOoOoOo<strong>

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><p><strong>(Sorry for any grammar mistakes)<strong>


	3. Chapter 3

**.::I do not own The Outsiders::.**

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><p><strong>3. Happy birthday to me...<strong>

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><p>Ponyboy frowned, he was eating breakfast with Darry without Sodapop. It's been three days since his break up. Steve told his boss he was sick, that's why he couldn't go to work. Of course it was an excuse 'cause Soda was really in his room moping, heartbroken. His eyes were puffy red from all the crying over yet another loss of a loved one. Maybe it wasn't death but for him it was losing someone who wouldn't come back. The person he thought loved him just as much as him was gone.<p>

Darry sighed getting up to take the dished to the sink. Pony went over to his brother's room knocking softly, "Soda? You gonna eat?"

Only a grunt was his response meaning _no. _Ponyboy rolled his eyes, it's been enough that they weren't sleeping in the same room since Soda asked for some alone time, not working in the DX or hanging out anymore. Yet there was nothing they could do about it. Not even grounding him, he'd stay inside anyway. Steve stopped by with Twobit. He grimaced knowing his best buddy was still inside crying his soul out. Twobit coughed, "So...What are we up to today Ponyboy Curtis?"

Pony shrugged, "I don't know. What do you want to do?"

Twobit gave a look to Darry, "Well, Darry, you mind if I steal him for a couple hours?"

Darrel smirked, "Sure, just be back by eight."

"Eight? Darry c'mon! My curfew isn't till eleven!" Pony whined.

Steve growled, "Shut your trap kid and for once listen to your brother!"

Ponyboy gaped at Steve, he never was on Darry's side. So this was actually something new, Twobit began laughing grabbing the boy by his arm leading him outside, "Don't worry ya'll. See you at eight, _right Darry?" _

Darry narrowed his eyes at him, "I swear to God Twobit-"

The door slammed closed. Steve folded his arms in front of his chest, "You think he'll stick to the plan?"

"Oh he better."

Steve glanced at a certain door, Darry knew what he was thinking, "Why don't you go inside and check on him, Pony and I just can't get him outta there. He'll get really sick if he keeps this up."

The greaser nodded walking towards the room, he slowly opened the door his head popping in. Inside was Soda curled up in a fetal position with a pillow between his arms. He looked up with annoyed that someone walked in without permission. Steve sat down beside his ignoring his look completely. Nobody talked for some moments. Darry's footsteps outside were the only sounds until he too left the house for work. Soda swallowed thickly trying not to cry again. _Damn you Sandy. Damn you-_

"You gotta stop it with this shit Soda."

Soda turned to his friend's sudden words, "What?"

Steve looked at him frowning, "Look, I know this Sandy crap is hard. Yeah so you got your heart broken. You had the right to feel shitty these past days but c'mon man. Don't go overboard with this! Get your ass up already! Stop sulking around, it's getting real old."

"...You don't know how it feels _Steve!_ You still have Evie! So don't you tell me what to do."

"So what? You think we'll be together like a happy fucking couple forever? Hell no! We're sixteen Soda. Six-teen! And you...I ain't telling you what to do! I'm just trying to open your god damn eyes! First of all, you're inside here moping around like there's no tomorrow. Second, you stopped eating, third, you stopped going to work! You think this is the right way to get over her? No, so just get up and start living again."

"Get out of here Steve."

"Soda..."

"I said get out!"

Steve shook his head gumbling some words, before closing the door behind him he said, "Just remember she wasn't the only one who cared 'bout you. You have Pony, Darry...Us your pals. You think about that." And the door closed.

Middle Curtis swallowed yet again staring at the door, _Ponyboy...Darry..._ He hadn't noticed the worry he had caused or the pain in the eyes of his brother's. _It's hard. real hard... Losing Sandy is almost as painful as...Losing my parents...I thought we had something special..._ He heard some voices in the living room talking lowly. _Probably about me._ Later on, it was time for him to finally get it together, Steve's words stung like hell but he had to be strong. Or at least seem strong, he didn't mean to worry his brothers, especially Ponyboy.

Opening the door, Darry who was picking up something from the floor looked at his brother walking into the bathroom for a shower. Inside he undressed himself stepping into the tub with hot water making contact with his skin provoking a pleasant shudder. After that he shaved, put on some fresh clothes and made his way to the kitchen for a quick meal. Darry didn't have to work that day for one special reason.

"Hey Darry." Soda greeted making himself a sandwich.

Darry smacked his back lightly, "I see you're up and about."

"Sure I am," he plastered a smiled on his face.

"I'm real glad little buddy."

"Hey Darry...Why ain't you at work?"

Darry gave him a weird look, "Don't tell me you forgot..."

"Forget what?"

"Really?"

Soda narrowed his eyes, "What? Tell me."

"It's Ponyboy's birthday. See," He showed him a cake on the table, "It's why I made the cake extra special for him."

"Ah God..." Soda had forgotten a special date, the present and most importantly his morning hug. He felt guilty for being such an ass to him these days when his brother only tried to cheer him up. And today. On his birthday. He rubbed his forehead mumbling, "Stupid. Stupid..."

22th of July, the day he was born. The smallest brother and member of the gang was fourteen. Everyone appreciated his friendship a lot so today Darry and the rest planned out a small surprise party by baking cake, burgers, chips etc. Some balloons were there as well as some presents from the gang except Soda to which he hung his head down guilty. _How could I have forgotten? God damn it._ Dally walked inside with a small box in his hands nodding a hello to his friends. Then he stopped seeing Sodapop in the kitchen standing still.

"You still feeling like shit?" He asked nonchalantly placing the box on the coffee table.

Sodapop winced yet let out a small bitter laugh, "Better than ever Dal."

Darry rolled his eyes, "You sure have a way with words don't you Dal?"

He shrugged, "It's my specialty I guess."

Johnny appeared minutes later making his way next to Dally's, "Hey ya'll."

Dally put an arm around his shoulders, "Where you been Johnny? Haven't seen you a around lately."

"Home, here and there. Anyway, when's Pony coming? Is everything ready? Oh...Hey Soda...You feeling ok?"

Soda sighed then smiled nodding, "I am Johnny thanks for asking."

All of a sudden in rushed Twobit panting as if he had been running a lot. He took a second to regain his breathing. After that he talked pointing at the door, "Pony's almost here. Uuf, he's with Steve some blocks down! Ah gee! I never ran so-so far! Let's get ready to scare the crap out of the kid!"

"We ain't scaring anyone! It's a surprise party Twobit." Darry told him.

Sodapop quickly turned off the lights while everybody else hid somewhere in the living room excitedly. Outside they heard voices arguing, it was Steve shouting at Ponyboy about him always off in la la land. Both of them had their weird rough friendly relationship. Steve liked the kid deep down looking out for him whenever he could. Ponyboy cared too, and just like Steve, deep deep down. Their footsteps were heard going up the porch stairs quickly getting closer to the surprise. Ponyboy looked confused standing out the door scratching his head glancing at the windows.

"Why is it dark inside? Is nobody home?"

Steve grinned, "I don't know why don't you go inside and figure it out?"

"Uh..."

His hand grabbed the doorknob slowly turning it to open the door, Steve pushed him inside turning on the lights while the people hidden jumped from their spots shouting, "Happy birthday Pone!"

Ponyboy was taken aback by this. He stared for a moment before realizing it was his birthday. His cheeks turned red grinning sheepishly at everyone. Twobit slapped his back giving him his present, "Fourteen my man! I remember when I was your age getting laid, this one time-"

Darry nudged him hard on the ribs, "Shut it Twobit, here Pony. It ain't much but at least I got you something. Happy birthday kiddo." He hugged his brother.

Ponyboy smiled, "You didn't have to Dar... Thank you...Really."

Sodapop frowned slightly rubbing the back of his neck, "I-I didn't get you something Pone. I'm real sorry."

"Awe don't worry Soda. You're here ain't ya? That's just about enough." Pony smiled at him really not caring about the gifting problem.

"Gosh Pone, you really are something." Sodapop squeezed his brother tightly, _I really am such a lousy brother..._

Dally with Johnny walked to him giving him a present of their own, Johnny cracked a smile as he gave him a quick hug, "Happy birthday Pone."

"Thanks Johnny Cakes, you too Dal."

Dallas ruffled his hair, "Shut up and enjoy your damned present."

Steve cleared his throat handing him a wrapped up package, "Just 'cause I give you this don't meansI like you. Remember you're still the smart ass kid that gets on my nerves, " he smirked, "Happy birthday kid."

Sodapop sat on the couch disappointed in himself. The gang had given him a present, planned this whole thing and had a much better mood then he did. Even Steve had a gift for his little brother. He rubbed his eyes with the palm of his hands trying to lighten up from his over whelming feelings. Sandy's wound was still fresh. Twobit poked his head plopping himself next to him.

"So you finally decided to get out of your bear cave? Feeling better?"

Soda gritted his teeth in frustration, almost all his friends asked him similar questions throughout the whole day not really helping his feelings, "Yes Twobit. Just dandy."

"Time for cake," Darry announced.

At the table was a big chocolate cake with fourteen candles. They all gathered around a twinkle in their eyes hungry for some cake. Twobit licked his lips smiling thinking of the delicious chocolate melting in his mouth rubbing his two hands together.. Ponyboy gave a thankful look to Darry standing in front of it knowing he was going to have to blow out the candles. Sodapop pressed his lips into a tight straight line, _I was supposed to help bake the cake. Put in my secret ingredient. I hope Pony won't get mad or somethin._ Pony caught his worried look cocking his head slightly to the side asking:

"You ok Sodapop?"

Something inside Sodapop snapped in half. All the voices around him sounded far away, the only face he saw was Pony's worried eyes and heard his only question. _Are you ok Sodapop?_ That was it. That was the last straw. He breathed hard shouting in front of everybody, "Yes I'm fucking ok! Jesus Christ, stop asking that! God damn it!"

The room went suddenly silent, Ponyboy stepped back a little with a hurt expression. Darry gaped not believing Soda had just shouted angrily at Pony. Everybody else was shocked. Steve grimaced at his buddy's rapid mood swings. He thought the talk he had with him hour before would help but he thought wrong.

Soda covered his mouth with his fist, _What the fuck did I just do?_ He saw his brother's glassy eyes obviously wanting to cry for getting hurt from his nasty response. Middle Curtis averted his eyes to the ground shaking his head, "S-Sorry. I-um- I'll be back."

He rushed out of the kitchen. Twobit whistled a low tune, "Wonder what happened to him."

Steve sighed, "I'll go after him."

Darry put his hand on Pony's shoulder, "D-don't worry Pony. Soda just had a ...rough time lately."

Ponyboy nodded wanting to understand as he swallowed the knot forming in his throat, sighing he closed his eyes chanting in his mind, _Happy birthday to me.._

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><p><strong>oOoOoOo<strong>

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><p><strong>(Sorry for any grammar mistakes)<strong>

**Thank you for reviewing! I appreciate it!**


	4. Chapter 4

**.::I do not own The Outsiders::.**

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><p><strong>4. It's easier to run replacing this pain with something numb.<strong>

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><p>Sodapop was walking rapidly down the streets heading towards the lot. Getting there he reached in the back of his jean's pocket taking out a cancer stick, it was unusual for him to smoke but sometimes he had one just in case anyone else in the gang wanted one. Lighting it up he glanced sideways seeing Steve slowly make his way beside him, he asked for a smoke too. Soda was surprised yet let it slide. For some minutes they simply puffed out smoke in the night silently. Two greasers relaxing for a while. The cigarettes were finished, crunched under the feet of the two teens. The moment was interrupted.<p>

"So you're gonna explain why you yelled at the kid?"

Soda sighed upset believing he was going to get away from talking about it, "I-I don't...I mean...I didn't mean to...It's like something snapped inside of me...All day everybody asked me, 'Are you ok?' 'You better?'. Guess I was just tired of listening to those questions 'cause I am all right..."

"_All right?_ What I saw back there was not _ all right_. It was more like you taking out your anger to your brother."

He winced at the harsh reality, "I fucked up didn't I?"

Steve pressed his shoulder with his hand, "Oh yeah, big time."

Sodapop nodded, both went back home since an hour had passed by quickly. At the Curtis house, Ponyboy was too saddened with what had happened so he went off to bed not in the mood to keep going on with the party anymore. Twobit tried cheering him up with Johnny's help though it didn't work. All he wanted was to be alone, his feelings were hurt by the person he thought wouldn't ever do that to him. _Ironic._ Dally was mad with Sodapop ruining it all, _He went way over board with this, just 'cause that bitch broke it off don't mean he needed to yell at Pone._ Dallas told everyone he was gonna go to Buck's, Johnny was offered to stay at Twobit's place. He accepted it. Darry picked up everything, popped the balloons to throw them away and put the remaining food in the fridge.

After taking a quick shower, brushing his teeth he sat on his recliner waiting for his middle brother. Closing his eyes for a while he thought of what had happened. Soda shouting at Ponyboy, for him, it was obvious that the anger really came from his heart break. Unfortunately Pony was the one to receive his unintended blow. _He just said the wrong thing at the wrong time. _He wasn't too mad at Soda, he understood some of his pain yet he didn't have to do what he did to Ponyboy. Especially on his birthday. In front of everybody.

Finally the door opened with Soda walking inside, Steve popped his head telling them he was going home that night. Soda stared down at the ground, Darry folded his arms still sitting down narrowing his eyes. The air got tenser, the television was at its lowest volume, Pony didn't even make a sound from his room. Soda began speaking.

"I know Darry...I know..."

"I don't think you do Sodapop. Do you have any idea how this affected Pony?"

Soda glanced at his bedroom's door, "Shh!"

Darry frowned as he whispered, "Seriously Soda, you shoulda seen his face. I mean what the hell got into you?"

"Look, I got mad for some reason. I didn't mean to yell at Pony... So I'm going to apologize. I don't even want to imagine his face... Was he-was he really bad when I left, Dar?"

Darry nodded slowly, "Yeah he was."

After that Sodapop went to the bathroom to wash his face and teeth, Darry went off to bed tired from the day. He knew they would be better by morning. But he would see how wrong he was by then.

Ponyboy still hadn't gone off to sleep, instead he was awake looking outside the window admiring the stars. Somehow it was calming, distracting him from the hurt he felt inside. Never were both brothers fighting or bickering like the rest or at least like he and Darry, with Soda it was different. They were brothers who really understood one another. Which is why he felt bad not knowing what had provoked Soda to snap at him. It was something rare to see Soda mad at Pony.

He heard the door click open so he closed his eyes trying to fake sleep. Of course Soda knew well that he wasn't anywhere near dream land. His breathing was too fast going and the way Pony was laying down was too obvious, too stiff. His big brother changed into his pajamas and sat on the bed, with his elbow he nudged him.

"You ain't sleeping Pone so you can just stop."

Rolling his eyes he sat up, _I knew I couldn't pull it off._

"I'm real sorry Pony. For ruining your birthday. For yelling at you. For everything."

Ponyboy looked down at his hands, "It's ok."

Soda grimaced at this, _How can he just say that? I was such an ass. I deserve shit from him._ He shook his head, "No it's not ok Pony. It just isn't. I'm really sorry kiddo. I'll make it up to you I swear."

His younger brother half smiled truly believing his words, "Ok Soda. I forgive you."

They smiled at each other, Soda hugged him before laying into bed preparing to go to sleep. His arm was on top of Pony protectively hearing his breathing going slower and steady. _Now he's really asleep._ Around three in the morning, he turned over thinking hard and long. _I slashed out on my baby brother. Just because he asked me if I was ok. Who does that? He was just worried about me. I know I hurt him. I saw it in his eyes. _Sudden fear filled his chest, _What if I do this to someone else? This pain...This pain I feel inside won't go away! It's been days and I still feel it! When will it disappear? I don't want to yell at anyone anymore!_

His heart beat fast against his chest he thought Pony would wake up from the sounds. The over whelming feelings were consuming him so much he thought he was never going to get better. _I can't take this anymore...I've been though just enough! First my parents, then Sandy, who's next? Pony? Darry? Steve?! Who?! And I ain't getting any better! _

Quietly he sat up carefully trying not to disturb Pony from his slumber. He smeared his hand on his face trying to calm down. Something just didn't feel right inside of him, no one could help him not even himself. He felt restless like he needed to do something. Something to make it all better. His eyes wandered around the room as if he could spot the solution right away. An idea popped into his mind, his eyes widened, _Could it help?_

Ponyboy stirred in his sleep, Soda gritted his teeth debating fiercely of what he should do. Almost an hour passed by as he paced around the room, in the end he chose what he wanted. He filled a small duffel bag with clothes, some money he had saved up for emergencies, his wallet, some important documents that Darry wanted him to keep and finally photos. Three to be exact, one of his parents, another one of his brothers only and finally one of the whole gang.

Grabbing a DX cap placing it on his head he left a small note on the dresser beside the bed. Before leaving he looked at his house watching everything he could like the piano his mother used to play when she felt happy which was almost every day, his father's camera hanging up the wall. He used to love taking pictures to preserve the loving memories. Some of Darry's trophies from football, Ponyboy's ribbons from track. The couch where his friends crashed every now and then.

His eyes began to water but he wiped his eyes before any tears could slide down, with a shuddery breath he smiled weakly whispering behind, "I'm really gonna miss you guys." And with that, Sodapop Patrick walked away leaving for who know how long or even if he would ever come back. To him it was much easier to run...

**_**_oOoOoOo_**_**

Ponyboy yawned waking up from his deep sleep. Stretching he scratched his chin tiredly, he then realized something. Sodapop wasn't in bed. Confused he walked out his room, it was too early for him to go to work. Darry was in the kitchen making breakfast already in his work clothes. He turned around cracking a smile at Pony. Turning off the stove he said:

"Good morning kiddo."

"Hey Dar, have you seen Soda?"

"No. Speaking of Soda, wake him up. He's got work soon. You know how Steve gets when Soda's late."

Back in his room Ponyboy bit his bottom lip trying to figure out where he could have gone off to. Something caught his eyes. A small piece of paper with some writing he knew very well. _Sodapop's chicken scratch. _Pony began to read every word on it which weren't a lot. Just a small message written. At the end he felt all the blood drain from his face. _Oh no..._

**_I'm sorry I had to say goodbye this way. Don't worry about me Pone, tell that to the rest of the guys too. Darry, I know you'll read this, I love you please take care of Pony for me, at least one mouth less to feed huh? Don't be looking for me ok? I don't know when or if I'll come back one day. I'll miss you guys a lot. Take care. Bye._**

**_~Sodapop P. Curtis._**

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><p><strong><em><strong><em>oOoOoOo<em>**_**

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><p><strong>(Sorry for any grammar mistakes)<strong>

**Thank you again for reviewing! Inspires me a lot! **


	5. Chapter 5

**.::I do not Own The Outsiders::.**

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><p><strong>5. I can't hold on it's all too much to take in.<strong>

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><p>Twobit barged inside with Johnny and Steve saying their 'good mornings' to Darry who gave Johnny a plate of eggs with bacon not even asking him if he wanted to eat. At home his mother barely cooked, only some days in the week other than that she ignored him leaving him to get his own food. Steve went to the bathroom taking a leak, Twobit turned on the television knowing that his favorite show Mickey Mouse was on.<p>

Darry grumbled some words looking at his watch, _Sodapop Patrick Curtis I swear-_

Ponyboy appeared in the kitchen with a very pale face, he didn't even acknowledge his friends nearby. He slouched down in the chair with a blank stare holding tightly to the note in his hand. Johnny stopped chewing on his food sensing something wrong, he swallowed his food asking if he was ok. Pony gulped shaking his head.

Darry was alarmed by his state, Twobit even stopped watching the television looking at his young friend.

"What is it Pony?" Darry asked.

Ponyboy's mouth opened and closed not really knowing what to say or how to say what he had found out, with his shaking hand he handed the note to Darry for him to read. Steve groaned coming into the kitchen annoyed, "Tell Sodapop to hurry his ass up! We're gonna be late again!"

Darry covered his mouth with his hand widening his eyes, "Sodapop isn't here..."

Twobit had a confused look, "Where'd he go?"

Ponyboy stood up from his seat still with the blank face on, "He's gone..."

Johnny didn't understand, "What are you talking about?"

"He's gone! Sodapop's gone!" Ponyboy rushed out of there into his room slamming the door behind him. Steve stayed frozen on the spot realizing what Pony meant, Darry dropped the note on the floor following Ponyboy to see how he was. Johnny pressed his lips into a straight line, he saw the piece of paper on the floor so he picked it up. Twobit was reading it with him behind his shoulder. Steve read it next mumbling every word. His breath caught in his throat, _Soda left? He fucking left?!_

Twobit's shoulders slumped, "No way..."

Johnny placed his hand on his forehead, he glanced at Ponyboy's door shut close with low whispers heard from inside. _What did you do Soda?_

Inside Ponyboy was in his bed sitting down blinking away the tears forming in his eyes. Darry paced around the room his hands behind his back. A sick feeling began to rise in the pity of his stomach, he just couldn't believe his brother Sodapop was gone. Ponyboy exhaled loudly, Darry stopped to stare at him for a moment. Then he spoke.

"D-do you think this is real? Or just a sick joke?"

Pony glared at him, "Well he isn't here is he?"

Darry frowned, "Don't get wise on me Pony."

"Then why are you asking the obvious?"

Ignoring his smart-ass attitude he continued, "Look, he might just be...On a tough spot or something. He might have gone to Buck's. Let's just stay calm. He couldn't have gone. Not Sodapop..."

Young Curtis's eyes were on the floor, even though it hurt like hell he knew deep down that Sodapop was gone, he had runaway. He wasn't coming back. He wouldn't do something like this even as a joke unless he was serious. And this was something serious. Darry ran his hand through his hair sitting down next to his brother also knowing this but he denied it. He didn't think his brother was capable of doing something so wrong.

"Why would he leave?" Darry asked.

Ponyboy tried answering that himself and the only answer he came up with was, "Maybe he was tired of us. Of this life."

Darry coughed at his comment,"No Ponyboy. No. I don't he'd leave for that. I don't. He's better than that. I think...I think it was something else. But for now we have to look for him he might not have gone far. C'mon Pone, please don't believe that."

Inside he thought, _Yeah well he ain't here, how can I not think that?_ Instead he answered, "Ok Dar. Ok."

When they got back outside in the living room only Johnny was there. Steve had gone out to work driving recklessly on the road. He even flipped off a man who had yelled at him for almost running him over. His boss had asked where Sodapop was to which he was told bitterly by Steve that he wouldn't be coming back any time soon. All day he tried concentrating in the garage, filling up cars yet his thoughts were on why Soda ran away. Or why he wasn't asked to leave with him. He'd do in a heart beat, he was his best buddy after all. This whole thing felt like betrayal. Just like Pony he felt abandoned, alone.

Two weeks passed by, in that time Darry had contacted his friend Tim to help for a look out. Maybe one of his guys had seen him somewhere close by. Twobit with Steve went searching in hotels out to Oklahoma city. Sadly no news of their friend. Johnny told Dally everything days after it happened repeating the message that was left. Dally glowered at his cigarette between his fingers, instead of feeling sad or down he felt angry. Mad. _How could he fucking leave just like that? _

Both went to the Curtis house to see how everything was going. Over the days Ponyboy had gotten depressed. He wouldn't eat, sleep, talk. Even changed rooms, too many hurtful memories in the room he had shared with Sodapop. Darry was miserable himself but he had to stay strong for his remaining brother even though inside his heart ache continued, like someone had sucked all life out of him. He got even more worried when Pony didn't eat almost all day. He slept most of the time. Johnny wanted to help by wanting to talk with him about all this. Being Ponyboy he shut himself completely.

Dally sat on the couch saying a hello to Darry who was in the kitchen looking at some bills. He realized Darry looked a little older with the tired face he had, the bags under his eyes and pale face. Johnny sat down next to him, the television was on with a lame comedy show on. They heard a door open, it was Ponyboy. He mumbled a hello walking into the kitchen for a glass of water. Darry looked up from the table.

"I saved you a sandwich Pone."

Pony shook his head, "Not hungry. Thanks anyway." He walked back inside closing the door behind him.

Darry smeared his hand to his face grunting some words. Dally's hands turned into fists, _Stupid Sodapop. He had it all, a family that loves him, friends who'd do anything for him. A home. Hell, If I had brothers like him I'd be stupid to leave 'em. _He remembered his past family, his mother who passed away from a terminal illness. His father wasn't really father material, he didn't care if she died or not, or if his kid was alone afterwards. All he cared about was his drugs, his alcohol, the real bad life. Dallas was heading there, fortunately for him the gang was there to make him realize it wasn't worth it. Sure he was tough, tougher than any of them but he had feelings. Even if he didn't want to admit it. The gang had softened him up. Especially Johnny, if nobody could take care of him he would take care of Johnny.

Darry grabbed the keys of his truck going outside saying, "I'll be back guys." With that he left.

Johnny got up walking to Pony's door, he knocked softly, "Hey Pone, you wanna go hang out today? I was thinking we could go to the Dairy. Dal's here too."

His friend was sitting in his room biting his bottom lip hard to not cry, it was unbearable knowing Sodapop hadn't returned. The small hope that was still inside of him had completely disappeared day by day these two weeks. Every morning, afternoon and night he was hoping Soda would walk through the front door with a regretful face hugging him tightly whispering, _"I'm sorry."_ Yet he never did.

Johnny's words snapped him back to reality, wiping his eyes Pony responded.

"S-sure, just let me...take a quick shower, ok Johnny Cakes?"

Dallas was beside Johnny who was a little surprised, he expected him to turn him down but was glad that Pony was finally getting out of his personal hell hole, "Okay then, we'll wait." Both sat back down on the couch, Dally scratched his chin.

"This is all bullshit ya know that Johnny?"

Johnny nodded agreeing, "Yeah... I know."

Minutes later Ponyboy appeared freshly showered with clean clothes. A black t-shirt that was a little loose. He had lost some weight. Johnny gave him a small smile nodding him to get going. Dally put an arm around him wanting to cheer him up. Pony sighed. All he wanted was to feel better. The pain to fade away at least a little. Get his thoughts away from his missing brother.

Every night all he could imagine Sodapop somewhere walking away never looking back behind him. _Love you too Soda. Love you too_

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><p><em><strong><em><strong><em>oOoOoOo<em>**_**_

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><p><strong><strong><strong>(Sorry for any grammar mistakes)<strong>****

******Thank you again for all the amazing reviews! ******


	6. Chapter 6

**.::I do not own The Outsiders::.**

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><p><strong>6. In the cold I am standing just waiting for the sun.<strong>

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><p>July turned into August and the month passed by so slowly, each day the gang felt the heavy absence of their missing friend. Ponyboy was still miserable moping around shutting himself. Darry took him to the doctor, worried, since he really lost a lot of weight. The doc. informed that if he didn't eat properly he was bound to get anemia. Darry took his brother home talking to him of how serious the situation was, later into the lecture his voice got higher when Ponyboy only stared blankly at him with no response. In the end, Darry bought him some vitamins and asked Twobit's mother for any recipes that contained vegetables and other related ingredients.<p>

August turned into September which meant school started. Ponyboy was already up without having Darry to wake him. He turned on his side, it still hurt too much that Soda wasn't there to greet him every morning. He went to the bathroom taking a quick shower, Darry was a little surprised but went on to the kitchen to make breakfast. Johnny arrived next to Twobit who hollered his presence making the oldest Curtis roll his eyes at that.

Pony mumbled a hello plopping himself in a seat with a bowl of cereal that was placed in front of him. Johnny nudged him to eat, he too worried for his friend. Twobit slapped his hands together as he ate away at his bowl. Darry grimaced, _Pig._

"Where is Steve anyway?" He asked sipping on some coffee.

Twobit stopped munching giving Johnny a look. Ponyboy caught it wanting to know too. He saw how Steve was also very affected, he hasn't showed up a lot lately. Buck even had him as a frequent client at his bar. Steve's way of dealing with the pain was drinking, Ponyboy shook his head. _He hates his Dad for being a drunk and he's turning into one, what a shithead._ Turns out Steve was going straight to school not stopping by. Darry shrugged uncaringly though he felt a small sting inside. Ponyboy frowned, now Steve was going to break apart too. Without Sodapop he was a goner as well.

Minutes later Darry got them in his truck driving to school. Johnny asked if Pony was excited, it was his second year in high school. This year he shared some classes with Johnny, they were in the same level since Johnny flunked one and Ponyboy skipped a grade for his very high evaluations.

"Okay I guess."

Twobit raised an eyebrow, "Hell I'm jealous, having a nerdy friend means having an A plus on all my tests."

Johnny smirked, "I'm not gonna cheat Twobit."

Ponyboy shrugged, "I don't mind Johnny Cakes."

Twobit grinned, "See? Easy grade, I should get into a class with you Pony. We could partner up maybe in science class. Make an explosive volcano!"

Darry snorted, "Knowing you Twobit you'd get yourselves suspended."

Pulling up they walked out of the truck, Pony was the last one but before leaving Darry caught him by the arm. He hesitated, the words he was thinking were hard to let out, Pony waited silently until finally his brother spoke.

"Have a good first day Pone. I'm real proud of you... Uh-Twobit will walk you home after school so...Just wait for him ok little buddy?"

His younger brother was surprised by his affection yet he felt touched. It was rare for Darry to say these kinds of things, he was usually a serious person. For the first time since Soda was gone Ponyboy smiled truthfully without having to fake it, "Ok Darry. Have a good day too. Bye."

Darry nodded smiling back feeling happy also, "I'll call you when you get home. Bye kiddo." He drove off.

Twobit and Johnny were waiting for him at the entrance, some other greasers were talking to them making some plans for a party in the weekend . Johnny followed Ponyboy inside walking to their first class, they had History together then lunch, Lab Science and finally PE. After getting to their lockers Pony spotted Steve. He walked by grunting a hello. It was obvious he was having a hangover with his red eyes, pale face and dark bags under his eyes. Johnny noticed too however he decided to ignore him.

Lunch time outside was relaxing, Johnny handed his buddy a smoke both puffing away talking about their classmates, how many Socs were with them, if they knew anybody else and of course, good looking broads. Sure enough Twobit showed up with a goofy grin chatting excitedly about a girl that was new in his classroom.

"So I thought, 'What a lovely ass she has,' the minute she walked inside-"

Ponyboy felt himself turn red, "Twobit..."

Johnny folded his arms, "Gee, it's only the first day and you're going all crazy over a girl you barely know."

"Hell yeah Johnny, the best part about her is that she's a freaking blonde! Can you believe it?! This has got to be a sign I know it!"

The warning bell rang, everybody scurried out the lunch room, outside the greasers mumbled some words of how school was boring as fuck. Ponyboy threw a finished apple into the trash can, Johnny was relieved he had eaten something. Twobit walked backwards to the hallways saying, "You wait up for me by the school stairs ya got me Pone?"

"Yeah."

Twobit eyed a girl with long curly blonde hair, honey colored eyes, short but a very good body. They instantly knew it was the broad Twobit was talking about and just like he had mentioned, a very nice buttocks. Mathews wiggled his eyebrows giving them a thumbs as he left to his next class.

The rest of the day went by fast, Ponyboy savored the hours in school. The long hours of class made him content, it was as if school was his safe place. His personal nirvana. Unfortunately at the end of the day he had to go home where he did not feel comfortable like before. _Happy._ The over whelming emotions would surge through him like a stab to the heart. It just wasn't home. Nothing was the same and probably ever. In his eyes everything was falling apart.

Afterschool, just as Twobit had told him, Ponyboy waited outside watching the rest leave. Johnny had skipped PE, he left with Dally before last class wanting to see what fun they could get to. Ponyboy tapped his foot on the ground getting impatient. The whole parking lot was empty now as well as his school. He frowned angrily sitting down on one of the steps. _Stupid probably forgot about me._

Ponyboy looked up at the sky. Gray clouds hovered above him, gusts of wind slammed against his body making him shiver slightly. His sweater wasn't enough to keep him warm. The trees swayed, leaves blew in the wind forewarning the upcoming season of Fall.

He sighed sadly. Pony was alone sitting on the stairs of his school waiting for someone who had probably forgotten about him. He stood up deciding to walk by his lonesome, Darry was probably going to get mad that nobody was answering the phone. His eyes closed, the thought of going home was unbearable. That over whelming sensation rushed in his chest.

Ponyboy Curtis stood in the cold looking ahead. _Sodapop had left him broken...shattered. His little brother had to keep on going even though it hurt like hell._ He sighed walking away, _What a day..._

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><p><strong>oOoOoOo<strong>

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><p><strong>(Sorry for any grammar mistakes)<br>**

**Thank you everybody for keeping up and reviewing! **


	7. Chapter 7

**.::I do not own The Outsiders::.**

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><p><strong>7. Oh yeah, you've changed...<strong>

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><p>Ponyboy had arrived home with the phone ringing non stop. He snatched it up swiftly hearing Darry's not too calm voice over the line, he sighed running his hand through his hair waiting for his ranting of why he hadn't answered the phone sooner.<p>

"Twobit didn't show up Dar. It wasn't my fault. I'm here now ain't I?"

Darry exhaled angrily, "I'm gonna kill Mathews...Ok Pony, just do your homework. Left overs are in the fridge. I'll be home around eight... I love you kiddo. Bye."

"Love you too Dar. Bye."

He hung up the phone. There wasn't really any homework to do, it was the first day anyway. He got out the left overs Darry was talking about. Minutes later Pony started munching away even though he wasn't too hungry. Ponyboy grabbed the bottle of vitamins kept in the cabinet of the kitchen swallowing them with no hesitation, he heard the front door open with two pair of feet walking inside.

"Hey kid." Dally greeted.

Johnny smiled, "Pony, how'd you like the first day?"

Ponyboy shrugged, "It was ok."

His friend looked around, "Where's Twobit?"

Dally turned on the television bored with the conversation, Pony scowled looking down at the ground, "He forgot about me. Never showed up, kept me waiting for nothing."

Just then walked in Mathews grinning sheepishly, "I-I can exlplain..."

"Speak of the devil." Dally snickered.

Curtis folded his arms, "What? That you obviously forgot?"

Twobit shook his head, "No! Really I didn't! It's just that well...Ya'll remember about the cute blonde I was talking about?"

Johnny rolled his eyes, "I think I don't wanna know anymore."

"No wait! It's not what you think."

Dally snickered again, "Just admit you were fucking this girl after school, geez!"

"Oh brother..." Johnny muttered.

Pony's ears were getting red disturbing images filling his head.

Twobit shook his head frustrated, "Look! This is what really happened. At the end of class it was just me and her so I took the opportunity to make my _moves._ So I told her how pretty she looked, took her hand and kissed it. At first I was like, 'Hell yeah! I got this.' And just as I was going in for the kiss on the lips ... she slapped me! Can you believe it? Slapped. Me."

There was a moment of silence except for the television. That is until laughter broke loose. Johnny plopped himself on the couch chuckling. Ponyboy clutched to his stomach breathing for some air after listening to his story. Dally stopped laughing seeing Twobit frown not really amused at his failure.

"That another one of your signs Twobit?" Pony asked.

Johnny bit his bottom lip not wanting to laugh anymore knowing Twobit was getting mad.

"Ha ha very funny."

"But-but how did that get you late?" Pony asked controlling himself.

Twobit went red, "I-I got sent to the principal's office. Ya know, giving me a lecture on how to treat ladies right. Psh, like I don't know..."

"Sure Twobit, sure. Next time try and take her out on a date instead of just wanting to kiss her all up. Sheesh." Dally 'tsked' at him.

Hours later after horsing around they all left to their daily doings. Ponyboy followed them out to the bottom of the porch stairs. Johnny waved goodbye behind him leaving with Dally. Twobit headed another direction thinking of a new strategy to get this new girl and not get into trouble again. The three of them disappeared down the blocks of the street. He sighed looking up at the sky, it was getting darker. The moon was in its waning quarter looking very beautiful even though it wasn't exactly full. Taking out a cigarette from his back pocket his lighter fell to the ground. Cursing slightly Pony crouched down to pick it up.

Standing back up he saw someone coming closer, someone who looked as if having difficulty walking. He squinted his eyes to see better but still he couldn't see the face to recognize the person. The darkness got heavier, a moan escaped from the figure who seemed to be a man then he fell down into some bushes near him. Ponyboy gulped as his heart raced, _Maybe i-it's Soda. Maybe he's hurt! Could he...Is he really? Should I go?_ _What if it's someone hurt?_

Young Curtis stood frozen on the spot not really knowing what to do. The bushes shook letting him know that this guy was struggling to get up. In the end Pony decided to go and help out. If he was a greaser there wasn't going to be any harm unless he was really out of it. Pony squatted trying to see who it was.

"S-Soda?"

A groan then, "Damn wrong."

That voice was Steve's. The boy sighed again disappointed of his discovery, not only because it wasn't who he thought it was but also because his friend was drunk, almost passed out, on some bushes stinking of booze mixed with the smell of cigarettes. Steve laughed in a very mocking manner asking hoarsely, "Not what you expected right? Ha. Dumb kid."

"Fuck you Steve." Pony stood from his squat, his face dark from his harsh attitude.

The older greaser groaned again sitting up rubbing his face, earlier he had gotten into a fight with some Socs letting off steam, what he didn't predict was that they had more friends following them. Although he lost, it was worth it, the angriness inside of him was still there bit at least calmed down now. Many purple spots were left on his chest, three on his face, busted lip and probably a broken rib or two. His wrist was feeling weird, _Maybe I sprained it smashing my fist onto that fucker's face._

Steve saw Ponyboy walk away so he yelled after him, he didn't want to admit it but he needed help and the kid was the only one around. Putting aside his pride, "Hey! Aren't ya gonna help me up?"

Ponyboy turned around amused, "Steve? Are you really asking for my help? Me? Ponyboy?"

"Ha ha. Shut up and help me will ya? Do I have to beg?"

Folding his arms, "Sounds interesting, sure why not."

"I swear to God kid-"

Pony laughed helping him get on his feet by grabbing hold of one of his arms, "All right all right, don't get your panties in a bunch."

"Gee thanks."

Both went to the Curtis house, Pony opened the door leading him inside first. Steve laid himself on the couch letting out a breath of relief. It was definitely better than those bushes that scratched his arms. He put an arm on his face wanting to take a nap, a big headache was making it hard though. Ponyboy went to the bathroom for some aspirins then to the kitchen for a glass of water. He poked Steve making him rumble until he saw the water and pills.

"Uh, thanks."

"Sure."

A small uncomfortable silence, Steve gritted his teeth not liking it. Back then Soda used to fill it with his happy personality and funny comments or simply making goofy remarks...only this time he wasn't here. The thought angered him, beer sounded appealing again. _Maybe I'll go after this. I could skip school tomorrow._ Ponyboy saw his expression change knowing he was heated and he knew exactly why.

"Drinking isn't the way out Steve."

Steve snapped his head to his direction, "What?"

"You can't keep getting yourself drunk just 'cause your angry."

Randle's fists tightened into balls itching for another fight hissing, "Just shut your trap kid, you don't know nothin."

Ponyboy tensed seeing the signs, he was prepared to fight in self defense not caring if this situation was getting out of hand, "Oh but I do fucking know."

"I said shut up."

Even with that warning Pony continued wanting to let him know how wrong it was for Steve to go on like that, "You always complained how your dad was drunk, yelling, screaming at you. How he beat you up real bad. Well just so you fucking know you're turning into him!"

Steve broke, "Why you little shit!"

He launched himself on top of Ponyboy both falling on the floor, then he went on top of Ponyboy who went 'humph'. He quickly pushed him away but still received a punch on his left cheek where a future bruise would form. He swung his right fist on to Steve's face. He fall backwards on his butt since the coffee table was on the way. Ponyboy thought it was over until Steve threw a shoe at his face. Again the fight was on. Grunts, swear words, the sound of two greasers having it out.

"What the hell?!" They didn't hear Darry's truck park or him getting inside.

Darry left his tool belt fall to the floor running to the scene hauling Steve by the waist off of Pony. Ponyboy tried getting back at him, Darry yelled for him to back off or else. His voice boomed in the house warningly, his little brother wiped away the blood sliding down his mouth from a broken lip.

Steve snarled at him completely furious, "You don't know me you little shit so don't you be telling me what to do! Sure I fucking changed, but that's none of your god damned business!"

Pony narrowed his eyes at him, "Oh yeah, you've changed. Believe me you did. But it's nothing to be proud of." With those words said he retreated to his room.

Darry threw Steve to the ground pointing at the front door, "I suggest you leave now Steve before I kick your ass. I don't know what the hell happened but tomorrow we'll talk." His voice was deadly, he didn't really care at the moment. All he saw was his brother being punched by Steve which maddened him. _Nobody hurts my brother. Nobody._

Steve had no other choice, he stomped his way out. His dad wasn't around that week. He had gone off to a 'friend's' house. _A bitch, he's off with a bitch fooling around._ Slamming his door open the smell of something gone bad filled his lungs. He rushed to the bathroom not wanting to vomit right there. Sitting on the floor he sat against the wall re thinking of what had happened he closed his eyes, _I know it was wrong. I know, damn it, but that kid had it coming. Who the fuck does he think he is? I mean-fuck..._Steve bit on his knuckle, it was true. The reason he was mad was because all Ponyboy had said was true. It just stung so deep that the only reaction was anger. Pony's words echoed in his mind.

_"Oh yeah, you've changed. Believe me you did. But it's nothing to be proud of."_

_I hate to admit it but the kid...Ponyboy is right. I did change, I am changing...into my Dad. The person I probably hate the most. I gotta do something about it. If I keep this up I could end up worse than my Dad. Stupid Soda, if you hadn't run away in the first place this would have never happened. _

Steve swallowed the knot forming in his throat, "I hate you too Soda. I really do."

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><p><strong>oOoOoOo<strong>

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><p><strong>(Sorry for any grammar mistakes)<strong>

**Thank you guys for keeping up and the reviews! Anyone who is wondering what happened to Soda you'll find out soon. (:**


	8. Chapter 8

**.::I do not own The Outsiders::.**

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><p><strong>8. Now I am on my own trying to find myself again.<strong>

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><p><em>The middle Curtis didn't know where to go, he had hopped on the first train ride not knowing where his first stop was going to be. His heart was racing, the voice in his mind was saying that everything he was doing was wrong. Wrong wrong wrong! But his heart said yes, that he should go. Continue his unknown journey. With his duffel bag in his hands, he sat down controlling his breathing since it was beginning to go fast from the nervousness. Looking out the window, the city of Tulsa began to fade away as the train was leaving. Tulsa, the place he was born, where his friends lived, his family, where his whole life started.<em>

_His eyes watered from knowing that he had to sacrifice huge things in order to get going with this plan. He thought of Ponyboy, his little brother. Imagining his heart broken face was absolutely shattering, wiping away the tears Soda gritted his teeth. **It's too late to go back. **_

_Sometime later he eventually fell asleep. He dreamt of memories, conversations, emotions. Darry making a high score on his foot ball game, Ponyboy learning to walk, his mother baking cake, his father playing with him. Steve tossing him his first cigarette, Twobit cracking jokes. Dally wanting him to ride a bull, Johnny wishing him a happy birthday. Happy stuff. Then the bad memories came, his parents accident, Ponyboy falling off a tree he had climbed, Steve fighting, Darry disappointed when he dropped out. _

_With a sudden jerk Soda sat up in cold sweat with the sunlight burning his eyes, it was morning now. Some people were still in their seats sleeping as well. He looked out the window curious of where he had traveled. The place looked similar to Tulsa only with more wide open spaces with trees and such. Sodapop pursed his lips, this felt like the right place to stop first. He took his bag ready to step off as a man announced the train stop._

_"Springfield Missouri!"_

**_What? I'm all the way out here? Holy Jesus..._**_Walking away from the station his eyes widened, this was all new to him. Scary if you must say. He'd never been alone somewhere so far away. His stomach growled in hunger so he searched for a dinner. He ended up in one named 'Steak & Shake'. A pretty waiter wrote down his order blushing when she gave him his breakfast. Soda grinned, that feeling of being admired was amusing. She giggled nervously going away. Remembering Sandy he lowered his head not liking it anymore._

_While eating he was thinking of where he was going to sleep that night, what he was going to do. His money would run out in a week or two. he needed to look for a job and quick._

_The waitress came back to check if he needed anything else._

_"Say there pretty lady, do you know any gas stations around here that need people?"_

_The waitress bit her bottom lip, "No sir, I'm sorry."_

_He raised an eyebrow, "Sodapop. Sodapop Patrick."_

_She smirked, "Mary...Is that really your name?"_

_He nodded, "Says so on my certificate."_

_Mary thought for a moment, "If you're looking for a job...this place is looking for a busboy..."_

_Soda beamed, "Really? I'd like that just fine."_

_"You'll have to talk with the boss. He ain't so bad, actually he's right here. Let me get him for you." Mary hurriedly left coming back with a man in his forties, his hair was brown, his eyes brown too. He was about the same size as Sodapop, the man looked nice enough. Mary introduced him._

_"Bob, this is Sodapop Patrick. He wants the job."_

_Bob rubbed his chin eyeing him from head to toe to make sure he wasn't some delinquent child wanting to simply horse around. Soda simply smiled turning on his usual charm. He extended his hand._

_"Good morning, Mr. Bob. Sure I would love the job."_

_Bob smiled back accepting the hand shake, "Bob Mayfield. You had experience working as one?"_

_Soda scratched the back of his head, "N-not really...But you what they say. Give a man a fish he'll eat for a day, teach a man to fish and he'll have lots of fish to eat! Or something along those lines..."_

_Mr. Mayfield laughed slapping him on the back, "I like you kid, youu got the job Soda-pop. Is that really a name?"_

_"Yes sir, named by an original man. My father." Sodapop proudly said._

_"Well Soda, you start tomorrow. I want you here by nine in the morning minute no later. Work days are from Mondays to Thursdays. You have the rest of the week off. Pick up your paycheck every two weeks. I have to go now, take care Mary and give the kid his uniform." _

_Mary went into the back coming back with a small bag. It contained a black tie, white shirt with the dinner's logo and black pants. He grimaced at it, the DX uniform was better. She giggled at his reaction, "Ah c'mon now it ain't so bad."_

_He sighed, "It looks...awefull..."_

_"Well you wanted a job didn't you?"_

_"Yeah yeah...Hey-sorry for asking so many questions- but do you know someone who's renting a room or something like that?"_

_Mary nodded, she gave him instructions to a place where this building was renting small apartments at a reasonable price. He thanked her as he left. Everything was falling right into place. At first he thought everything was going to be hard yet his lucky star and guardian angels were looking after him. He sighed contently, the beginning has only started. It was his time to be set free, forget his painful past. Sodapop looked up at the sky, __**Gosh guys, I'm real sorry about this. I hope you understand one day that this was all for my own good. I miss you.**_

_Sodapop headed towards his new place where he would start to heal._

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><p><strong>oOoOoOo<strong>

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><p><strong>(Sorry for any grammar mistakes)<strong>

**I know, very quick update but this had to be done. I hope you enjoyed it and thanks for the reviews guys! I appreciate them very much. **


	9. Chapter 9

**.::I do not own The Outsiders::.**

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><p><strong>9. I saw your ghost tonight and God it hurt like hell.<strong>

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><p>In the beginning of October the whole school was excited about the Halloween dance coming up on the thirty-first. Johnny was handed the flyer in the morning, he showed it to Pony in the afternoon at his house. He smiled when Johnny asked if he was going to go. Pony shrugged, he wasn't ever in the mood to hang out like before, sure he'd see a movie or two yet it wasn't like before that he'd go to the Dingo or the Dairy Queen.<p>

Steve came by an hour later to check up on him since Darry asked him as a favor. He also received the flyer at school asking his girlfriend Evie to the dance.

"I say you go."

"Why?" Asked Pony.

"It would do you good. Finally meet some chicks._ Actually_ have a good time instead of being here like an old man." Steve snickered.

Ponyboy raised an eyebrow, Steve never cared about Pony or at least never showed it. If this was his way, it surprised Ponyboy. Johnny nodded agreeing, "He's right you know."

"You want me to meet girls?"

Johnny rolled his eyes at his sarcasm, "I was talking about having a good time. I'm sure Darry will let you go."

Pony nodded not resisting to this, "Fine fine I'll go. But If I meet a broad I'll leave you hanging Johnny," he joked.

Steve snorted, "Please, the day you get a girlfriend is the day I'll stop smoking."

"Shut up..." Ponyboy grinned.

At night, Ponyboy served Darry dinner. It was just the two of them. Sitting down at the table both started chatting about their day, Pony on school and the dance, Darry on his work. He mentioned he might be promoted soon if he kept up the good work. His boss was fond of him since his father used to be like a brother to him ever since they were teenagers.

"Really? You're going to the dance?"

"Yup, Steve convinced me."

Darry almost choked on his drink, "Steve?"

He couldn't believe it, it's just that Steve didn't get along too well with his brother ever since they were little. There was always bickering on each side to which Soda came to the rescue. Now it seemed their friendly relationship was getting better. The day Pony told his things off to Steve his eyes opened to how mature Pony really was. After that both spoke their opinions on the whole Soda situation. That healed them up a bit. Darry didn't hold a grudge on Steve seeing him regret the fight so the three of them let it slide.

"And Johnny. He's going too. I guess Twobit will too. You don't mind, do you?"

"No, of course little buddy. I'm real glad." It was true, he was happy seeing his little brother would be attending the party. This meant that he wouldn't be gloomy like almost every day.

Finished with dinner Pony washed the dishes, Darry picked them up. Johnny arrived asking if he could crash the night on their couch. Oldest Curtis cracked a smile putting a hand on his shoulder, "You know you don't have to ask. It's your house too. Always remember that."

Ponyboy handed him a pillow and blanket for the night. Saying their goodnights he went to his bedroom laying down quietly. Staring up at the ceiling he thought of the months that passed by already. _End of July...August...September...Now it's October. How many more months will he be gone? Will he ever come back? Is Sodapop ok? Where is he anyway? Does he miss me? Does he even care? _He shook his head quickly wanting those thoughts to go away, his heart ache probably will never go away. Not wanting to be fall into despair again he turned on his lamp beside the dresser. On his small desk there were colored pencils and a sketchbook with many drawings. His hands began to draw whatever was on his mind.

Two hours later Pony finished his creation, it was a black horse running on a green pasture of grass with a bright cloudy sky, big mountains as the background. The horse was free from whatever he was running from. Ponyboy frowned, maybe he wasn't thinking of Sodapop but he projected it unconsciously on the drawing. With his shaking hand he wrote on the bottom: _"Run free Sodapop. Run free."_

Although he was angry in the inside Ponyboy hoped that Soda was ok. Tired from all this he turned off his lamp laying on his bed sleeping the moment his head touched the pillow. His nightmares hadn't disappeared completely yet that night he slept soundly dreaming of his brother's return.

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><p>The next day Darry was the first one up, he took a quick shower then put on his work close and went to the kitchen to fix up breakfast. Johnny was still asleep snoring quietly, Ponyboy was heard in his room making sounds meaning he'd show up soon. As Darry closed the fridge, the calendar fell. Picking it up his eyes widened at the date. Instead of hanging it up again he hid it in a drawer anxiously. Closing his eyes Darrel Jr. breathed in, breathed out. <em>It's gonna be all right...You have to believe it...It will.<em>

"Darry!"

"Wh-what?"

"The bacon! It's gonna burn!"

Darry turned around just in time to turn off the stove hearing the pan sizzle loudly. Ponyboy cocked his head to the side not understanding why his big brother was spacing out. Johnny rubbed his eyes sitting up on the couch yawning, "Morning..."

Ponyboy grinned sheepishly knowing his shout had woken up Johnny, "Morning Jonny Cakes."

Breakfast was fast, Darry left grumbling a goodbye leaving off to work. Pony stayed home. It was Saturday with lots of homework to do anyway. Johnny stayed at the Curtis house wanting his friend to help him with his math homework. With the radio on both Grease boys starting in on their homework so on Sunday they could have the whole day to laze off. Hours later Twobit appeared going straight to the fridge for a beer. He whistled a high tune seeing them finish up.

"Homework on a Saturday? Really?"

"Yup, we ain't no lazy bums unlike _other people._" Ponyboy laughed.

Twobit put his beer on the table narrowing his eyes at Pony with a mischievous grin, "Smart mouthing me ain't ya? Sorry to say this but that was one grave mistake." In a flash he had Ponyboy pinned down on the ground.

Johnny sat Indian style on the couch watching his friends wrestle. Ponyboy being the youngest wasn't too strong to get out of his grip, he gave Johnny a pleading look asking for help. The tanned boy smirked preparing himself, suddenly he grabbed Twobit from behind making him let go of Ponyboy.

"Hey! No fair!"

Ponyboy rubbed his neck, "Nothing is fair in the East part of town ya hood!"

Maybe half an hour passed of them horsing with each other. _Boys will be boys._ Twobit was the one to holler uncle when his strength had give out. The three of them lay gasping for air. Dally opened the door staring at them amused. Twobit stood up pointing at Johnny and Ponyboy.

"Those two...Uff...Do not play fair."

Dally plopped himself on the couch chewing on some gum, "What did you expect, they're greasers."

"_They're?"_ Johnny choked at his comment.

"We're, they're...What's the difference?"

Ponyboy went to the bathroom feeling dirty, he was getting sticky from sweating a lot so he decided to take a shower. Out in the living room Twobit asked where Steve was not seeing him almost all day. He tried visiting him at the DX but he already had left. Dally glanced behind him making sure Ponyboy was still taking a shower then in a low voice he explained.

"Don't you know what day it is today?" he asked them.

"No." Johnny responded.

"Well today is-" He was interrupted by the bathroom door opening. Ponyboy walked to his room with only a towel on.

"I'll tell you later. C'mon ya bums it's getting late anyways."

Darry stepped inside the living room with his tool belt on looking awfully tired. He had picked up an extra shift unexpectedly. Obviously it was because of that _certain day_ but he felt guilty leaving Ponyboy all by himself all day. He didn't tell Pony about it though, he knew he'd end up sad all over again so he kept his mouth shut for the sake of his brother. Dally muttered a goodbye with Johnny at his tail. Twobit shrugged also leaving. Ponyboy was in his room putting on his pajamas.

"Hey kiddo, how was your day?"

"It was okay. How 'bout you? Dinner's in the fridge."

"I'm not really hungry... Ponyboy..."

"Yeah?"

Darry hugged his brother tightly thanking God he still had him, he was his strength to keep going, "I love you."

Ponyboy slowly wrapped his arms around him smiling, "I love you too Dar."

"Goodnight little buddy."

"Night Darry."

Turning off the lights youngest Curtis fell right to sleep. _In his mind he dreamt of Sodapop on the couch his back turned to him. Bursting with joy Ponyboy ran to him but just then he disappeared on thin air._ He woke up in sweat screaming for his brother. His hands covered his mouth quickly thinking he had awoken Darry. A minute of silence passed letting him know he hadn't. He wiped his forehead that had drops of sweat sliding down.

Pony went to the kitchen for a glass of water and some aspirins. Opening the drawer he saw the calendar beneath some other stuff. He hung it on the fridge flipping it to the month of October. For some apparent reason he kept staring at it as if trying to find something meaningful. His eyes scanned it until suddenly he dropped the aspirins on the floor making small noises. Luckily no one was sleeping in the living room.

He saw black spots in front of him causing Pony to walk backwards. Feeling a chair behind him he sat down. How could he forget? How could he not know? How could he not remember? Those questions swirled in his mind.

_October 8th. ... Sodapop's birthday._

Ponyboy placed his face on his hands letting out a small sob. The feeling of complete despair filled his chest. There was supposed to be a party, chocolate cake, he was supposed to jump on Sodapop yelling to the world he had turned seventeen. Still with his eyes closed he imagined his middle brother in bed sleeping soundly, himself creeping up to bed tickling him awake. Laughter filled the room then Darry would come inside and join. His voice echoed in his head that it sounded so real.

_"Ponyboy..." _Soda spoke very softly.

To this Ponyboy turned around in the darkness opening his eyes, he swore to God he saw Sodapop standing in the living room looking back at him with his usual care free smile. In a matter of seconds that image disappeared. Tears sprung to his eyes one by one falling down his cheek. Even though Soda was alive Pony saw the ghost of who he had left behind and it hurt him like hell. A sting to his heart crushing him.

_How could he leave us? Me? D-did he not care? Didn't he know we loved him? That I needed him? W-why the hell did he leave?_

Sobs escaped his trembling lips, sitting in complete darkness in the kitchen he thought with a lot of resentment in his heart:

_I won't ever forgive you Soda. I won't._

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><p><em><strong><em>oOoOoOo<em>**_

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><p><strong>(Sorry for any grammar mistakes)<strong>

**Hopefully you all like the quick updates. I have a lot of spare time. Soon I won't which is why I'm taking the opportunity to do this.**

**Thank you for the reviews. (: **


	10. Chapter 10

**.::I do not own The Outsiders::.**

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><p><strong>10. He just needs time. <strong>**_They_** **need time.**

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><p>Twobit stretched his arms long and wide before entering the Curtis residence. Last night had been one wild ride with the blonde girl he was trying to flirt. Turned out she was as crazy for him then he to her. She gave in easily after that. He grinned at the memory turning the knob to get inside. Just as he was about to shout out his presence he saw Ponyboy sleeping on the kitchen table his head on his folded arms.<p>

Worry grew in his eyes as he strided over to his side making sure everything was ok. Seconds later Steve showed up, he gave Twobit a confused look seeing him so serious. Mathews put a finger to his lips signaling his friend to be quiet. He wanted to find out what was the matter. Ponyboy winced in his sleep muttering some words probably having a small nightmare. Suddenly Twobit caught sight of something on the floor. _Pills...PILLS?!_

With a hard whack to the back of Pony's head, Twobit shook him up his hands holding him tightly by the arms harshly yelling, "Pony! Pone! Wake up! What the hell did you do?!"

"Owe! What the hell was that for?!" Pony screamed angrily.

Steve was wide eyes at his actions not understanding anything so he asked, "What the fuck is going on?!"

"The pills man! The pills!" Twobit pointed on the ground.

His mouth hung open at seeing those white small things on the kithecn floor scattered everywhere. Darry was in the living room with only his boxers looking panicked at all the noise especially hearing his little brother's scream of pain. Steve picked up an aspirin from the ground showing it to Darry, he glanced at his brother than back at the small object in his hand. _Holy shit!_

"What the hell is going on here?! Pony! What's the God damned meaninf of this?!" His voice was getting louder at every word.

Ponyboy glared at Twobit rubbing the back of his head where he had been harshly whacked, "I didn't do nothing!"

Twobit frowned, "No? Then what do these pills mean? How many did you take? Look man I know you're all sad over this Sodapop thing but you didn't have to try to kill yourself with swallowing so many pi-"

Ponyboy coughed at this, "What? You thought I-Really? No! No no, I did not swallow any! If I tried killing myself how am I still standing here?"

Steve shrugged, "He looks fine to me."

Darry smeared his hand into his face very frustrated, "Then why are they all on the ground?"

Ponyboy bit his bottom lip, "I kinda dropped them."

Twobit folded his arms, "And most importantly, why were you sleeping in the kitchen?"

"I-I-what is this? Ask Ponyboy twenty questions?" Ponyboy spat.

"Ponyboy." His older brother warned also wanting an answer, he didn't realize he had slept in the kitchen all night or less hear him leave his room.

"I had a head ache...So I grabbed some aspirins but accidently dropped them. Sorry for such crime, gee."

Steve shook his head, "Did this, by any chance, have something to do with Sodapop's birthday?"

Darry and Twobit stared at him like he was crazy, Steve was warned not to tell Ponyboy yet he disobeyed at that moment. It didn't matter anyway, Pony already knew.

"Yeah." He sighed sadly.

"Ah Pony..." Darry began.

"No...Look I wanna be alone ok? I'm going to my room, oh and Darry, put on some pants." He sauntered to his room closing the door.

Darrel blushed mighty red narrowing his eyes at Twobit and Steve so they wouldn't burst out laughing. In the end they did but only when he left to take a shower. When their laughter faded away Steve exhaled loudly going into his car with Twobit. Now that Sodapop was gone Keith took the opportunity to work at the DX, shockingly he decided to make some dough after all, his excuse was that _if his Mom wasn't going to give her money for condoms, who would?_

"Everything was getting better," Steve muttered.

"I wonder how he figured it out."

Twobit licked his lips, "I bet it was from the calendar. Darry musta forgot to hide it."

"Probably... Damned kid, now he's gonna be all ghost again, not going out no more, sad, pale..."

"Thought he was already over Sodapop."

Steve grimaced at his insensibility, "Man, those two were inseparable. Soda loved that kid more than any of us. Imagine how Pony's feeling. Betrayed...Alone...Angry...Confused. Hell Twobit, be a little more human."

The side burned Greaser raised an eyebrow, "When did Stevie Wevie get so emotional? And heck, when didya start caring 'bout him so much?"

"Let's just say we meet eye to eye now. He'll still be the same annoying smart ass kid though so don't be getting any ideas."

"Hmm, sometimes I wonder..." Twobit was thinking of Ponyboy, how Soda's absence really affect him so much. It was true what Steve said, he really was feeling like shit. Both of them were each other's world and now those worlds were fallen apart. Imagining Pony's pain made him shudder, _I'm being an ass. I should talk to Ponyboy, poor kid... Ah Soda, see what you did? I just hope that whatever were your reasons to leave...I hope that it was worth it 'cause you sure made one big mess here._

Back at home Darry was coaxing Ponyboy to get out of his room to talk. Being the stubborn boy he is he stayed inside ignoring him. Tired of persisting, Darry left him breakfast on the table saying he was coming back home around dinner time. He stopped at the door hesitant to leave, _Oh kiddo._ Unfortunately if he missed work there was no money and no money meant to food or paying the bills _which meant_...Trouble with the Social Worker. It was a miracle Ponyboy was still under the custody of Darry with the state knowing Sodapop was a runaway kid.

In his brothers room Ponyboy sat on the edge of his bed. The dull pain inside of him was getting too hard to bare with every day. Like the death of parents all over again. That was an experience he never wanted to live no more but now he was and it was killing him like a flesh eating virus getting to his core. He laid back with his arms folded behind his head, the ceiling was now pretty interesting. _29 cracks, how did that even happen?_ Time slipped by quickly by sleeping because he was awoken by Johnny telling him to wake up already.

"Huh-wha?"

"Wake up man, how long have you been sleeping?"

Pony squinted his eyes to see his clock, "Uh, I think three hours. Gosh, did I miss something?"

"Not really...I just came to see how you were doing. Twobit told me what happened."

"Forget it. It's nothing to worry about." He stood up heading to the living room.

Johnny sat next to him, "You can talk to me Pone, really."

Ponyboy felt a knot in his throat forming, _maybe I-I really need to talk this out. He is my buddy after all. He'll understand I know it. Here goes nothing. _He cleared his throat, "You're right...I-you know that um I feel...You know, sad. I mean, yesterday, at night, when I found out about his birthday...I felt like shit." He said that bluntly at the end since there was no other way of saying it.

He continued, "I forgot that it was his birthday until I saw the calendar. I imagined him still with us partying around, his cake. I keep asking myself why he left. Why he didn't tell us nothing. It hurts Johnny-" Pony's voice broke, "It really fucking hurts."

Johnny's expression softened seeing his best friend undergo all this sadness. _Nobody should feel like that. He doesn't deserve it. First he loses his parents now this. If there was a way I could take some of his pain away I would, he's just a kid. _

"Maybe I don't know the answers to why he left but what I can say is that you can't stop living just 'cause he's gone. Sounds pretty cruel but he left 'cause he wanted too. I'm sure he still loves you, if he didn't he wouldn't have left that note." Johnny put an arm around Pony, "It's ok to hurt. Just remember this Pony, life goes on."

The youngest Greaser in between tears smiled, "Thanks Johnny. For listening."

"No problem Pones."

Minutes of silence until, "You think he'll ever come back?"

Johnny thought for a second, "It's really up to him."

Ponyboy closed his eyes furrowing his eyebrows, "I hate him."

"You don't mean that."

Pony sat up glaring at a picture of Sodapop hugging him when they were little kids, "I do." He then grabbed the picture frame slamming it down on the coffee table stomping off to his room.

His buddy simply sighed turning on the television knowing Pony was going to need some moments by himself to cool off, _He just needs time._...

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><p><em>He stared off into space waiting for more people to enter the diner. Business was slow that peculiar day, he rolled his eyes not believing his luck. The day he wanted it to be extra busy was the day it was empty. The girl he worked with, Mary, winked at him from the other side of the place as she sat on one of the tables. He averted his eyes to something else. He knew Mary was developing a major crush on him. To some other guys it would be great but to Soda it was something he couldn't bare with at that time. <em>

_Sandy's unfaithfulness was still a fresh wound and dating Mary wasn't going to heal it. __**I just need time. **_

_Sodapop frowned sadly thinking of home, how he could have woken up to the voices of his loved ones singing him __**'happy birthday'**__ or the splitting of the delicious chocolate cake. His stomach growled begging for a piece. _

_Mary cleared her throat, "What are you thinking about?"_

_Soda shrugged, "Just some things I need to buy. Groceries...Guy stuff."_

_"Oh."_

_Suddenly one boy entered, he looked about Soda's age only he was taller with brown hair, blue eyes, freckles on his cheeks. He looked around until he saw Mary. She raised her eyebrows, "How may I help you with?"_

_The boy grinned, "Sure, can you give me a chocolate milk shake. Oh and if you don't mind you're number too."_

_Sodapop smirked inwardly, __**Real smooth fella.**_

_Mary blushed stuttering to Soda to get him his milk shake from the other employee behind the kitchen. From the kitchen's entrance he amusingly watched this guy flirt around with the girl chattering about an upcoming dance on Halloween in town. She told him she'd think about it. Sodapop handed him the milk shake scurrying away not wanting to ruin his flirting game. _

_When he left Mary nudged his side, "Ya saw that? He asked me out on a date."_

_Soda nodded, "Yup, looks like a good person. You going?"_

_She bit her bottom lip, "I was kind hoping someone else asked me."_

**_Uh-oh, there it is, _**_"I think you should go with him. Me, I'd go but I'm gonna be busy that day."_

_Mary's face fell disappointed by this, "Oh."_

_"Sorry. Well, my shift is done. Have a good day. Bye!" _

_He went off running out the door feeling very anxious, he thought that his idea of running away to a new place, a new life, was going to help him heal though the results weren't what he was expecting. At first it was going very well but now he felt like he was suffocating_

_Arriving at his small apartment he threw himself on the couch/bed. Relaxing, Sodapop sighed._

_"I need a new plan...And soon!"_

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><p><strong>oOoOoOo<strong>

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><p><strong>(Sorry for any grammar mistakes)<strong>

**I appreciate your reviews! They inspire me! Thank you!(:**


	11. Chapter 11

**.::I do not own The Outsiders::.**

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><p><strong>11. Unexpected fights and another departure.<strong>

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><p>It was now the thirty first of October meaning it was Halloween. Twobit came in the Curtis house screaming like a banshee excited about the danceparty at night. Steve was meeting Evie at the school so he was waiting for the gang to hurry up. Dally decided to go not really having anything else to do. Ponyboy walked out of his room dressed up ready to leave with his blue faded jeans and a red t-shirt that read _The Rolling Stones _with the logo on it. Darry had gifted it on his birthday.

Darry handed him a jacket saying it was very cold outside. Twobit yelled for the guys to get in his car, Steve had his own so he went alone. Ponyboy was glad for this dance, it would take his mind off of things like his heart ache and stress from school. _Enough with the moping around, it's time to have a little fun._

Entering the high school Steve made his way over to Evie who was waiting for him inside next to the table with all the snacks and beverages. Twobit was already laying eyes on some blondes getting started with his flirting skills. Dally, Johnny and Ponyboy walked around minding their own business. Ponyboy decided to get a drink so he walked through the crowd until he got to the bowl full of punch. Sipping on a cup a very attractive girl eyed him from head to toe from her spot. She smiled getting an idea. The girl strolled over to his side who "accidently" elbowed him.

Ponyboy coughed on his drink apologizing thinking it was his fault, "S-sorry!"

She giggled, "Oh no, pardon me. That was actually my fault."

He blushed, lucky for him the lights were off with only colorful ones flashing for the dance, "Um, you want a drink?"

"Sure, thank you."

He chuckled nervously, "I-I'm Ponyboy."

"Name's Tanya."

He ran his hand through his hair not really knowing what to do in these kind of situations, he wasn't into girls yet so this was troubling. Now is when Twobit's advice came in handy, unfortunately he always ignored him so at that instant he regretted his stubbornness.

Tanya smirked, "You wanna dance Pony?"

"W-what? Me? Really?"

Her hand grabbed his going to the dance floor, "Yes."

With the rhythm of the music Ponyboy danced with her to a catchy song, fortunately he had the natural instinct to dance a gene that came from his mother. Tanya was pretty impressed. Meanwhile Twobit was taking a gulp of beer he had snuck in, scanning the crowd for familiar faces he spat the liquid out of his mouth in surprise at what he saw. _What the hell? Ponyboy?!_ Steve's girl had her arms around his waist kissing him until she pointed at the crowd excitedly. He squinted his eyes until they fell upon the person she was talking about. _Holy. Shit._

Johnny was with Dally sitting way back of everybody where there were some greasers horsing around. Some guys that were Socs were talking angrily nodding their heads towards a certain direction. Dally was intrigued so he listened, Johnny had nothing better to do so he did too.

"Just look at him! He's all over your girl!"

"Yeah man, you gotta do something! Everybody's talking about it!"

"Do something Scott, this ain't funny. A greaser fooling around with your girl in front of everybody!"

One of them who was probably Scott made his hands into fists pushing himself into the people ready to beat the crap out of that greaser. Johnny had a bad feeling in the pity of his stomach so he nudged Dally, "Something's telling me this ain't going to end pretty."

Dally nodded standing up, "Let's go see what the whole shit's about."

The two of them followed Scott discretely, Dally and Johnny froze on the spot realizing they were talking about Ponyboy who was caught up in the whole thing with his girl. Ponyboy suddenly he felt someone shove him hard. Tanya scowled at the person who did it as her friends pulled her away. Curtis boy steadied himself, he glared at the Soc feeling the adrenaline surge inside.

Everybody made a circle around them watching attentively at the upcoming brawl. Steve was making his way to it while Twobit was already there waiting for the first blow. Dally and Johnny were prepared to be the back up for their friend as long as no other Socs jumped in. Ponyboy was tired of feeling like a weak person so he confronted him. The Soc and the Greaser had a stare off no one making a peep.

"You think you're so tuff huh? Getting it on my girl." he shoved him again laughing mockingly.

Ponyboy snapped with his fist he swung at his face making the guy stumble backwards. Scott gritted his teeth coming back with a punch, Pony quickly ducked as he gave another blow to the face this time blood came out of the nose of his opponent. The crowd cheered for each of them, Socs to Scott Greasers to Ponyboy. One of Scott's friends jumped in hauling Curtis by the waist, Dally angrily jostled him off with much force. Another one intervened to which Steve gladly helped out. Rapidly, there was a big fight going on. An unexpected rumble. Shouts, grunts, screams from girls were heard though out the school and the music echoing loudly. Chaperones and teachers had to stop everything so they spoke through a microphone ordering everyone to stop.

The group of friends were already outside with some other people knowing if they had stayed they'd be in an awful lot of trouble although nobody would rat anybody out.

Twobit grinned ruffling with Ponyboy's hair, "Damn, kid! You really know how to make a party a lot more interesting huh?"

Steve made it out with Evie who was laughing at the whole thing thinking it was so much fun. Steve shot Ponyboy an amused look, "I didn't think you'd actually get a broad!"

Ponyboy smirked, "You gonna stop smoking now?"

"Hell no, but I must say you have a way with chicks. That girl was way good lo-" Evie narrowed her eyes at him, "Fine."

Dally snickered at how she had Steve wrapped around her finger, "Anyways, I gotta hand it to you Pone. I'd never thought you'd actually catch a Soc girl."

"S-soc girl?" Pone asked bewildered. Then he remembered how she had dressed up with expensive clothes no grease girl could afford. _No wonder that asshole of a Soc got all crazy..._

Johnny rubbed the back of his neck aching from some bruises, "Let's go home, I'm beat."

Steve went with Evie to drop her off, Twobit drove to the Curtis household where Darry was waiting for them on his recliner watching television, or at least trying to. His mind was somewhere else. If he only knew how he and Pony were so much alike. He peered out the window hearing Twobit's rusty old car park outside.

They walked inside still talking about what had happened, Dally sat on the couch grinning, Johnny on the floor, Twobit went for a beer in the kitchen. Darry gaped at his friends, especially at his brother. _Where did all those bruises come from?!_ Ponyboy chuckled when he saw his big brother's expression so he explained. Twobit piped in but only to exaggerate some parts of the story. Darry simply shook his head not expecting Ponyboy to get into any problems at all. _At least he didn't get caught._

"I let you go to a school dance and you come back from a _fight_. And to top it off it all started 'cause of a _girl._ This is why I tell you Pony that girls are nothin but trouble." Darry lectured.

Twobit had to say something, "Excuse me? I think not! They're beautiful creatures on this planet that have amazing boob-"

"Ok I get I get it. But really Dar! I didn't know she was a Soc! I mean, I wasn't paying attention to her, just her face."

Dally laughed at him, "I wouldn't be looking at the face."

Darry let out a deep breath, "Just don't let it happen again. Uuf. Ok guys, time for bed. Clean yourself up Pone and get to bed. Night ya'll."

They all left, Dally suggested Johnny to sleep in his room at Buck's. Twobit wanted to let his mother know he was all right. After brushing his teeth, taking a shower and putting on his pajamas he sat on his bed with the lights out looking out of his window into the nights sky. A small smile spread across his face, _Today was more fun than I expected. Heh, I'll have to keep my head low if I don't want a good beat up. Gosh, Tanya sure was pretty. Too bad she's a Soc._ With those thoughts Ponyboy went off to dream land without having a nightmare.

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><p><em>"Why?"<em>

_"I have to."_

_"But-"_

_Sodapop shook his head "Nothing or no one will change my mind. I'm sorry."_

_Mary's bottom lip trembled, "But Soda, you can't!"_

_"And why is that?"_

_She gulped, "I-I love you. I really do."_

_He sighed giving her a quick hug, then he held her face between his hands, "Mary, I'm sorry. But I can't give you what you want. Call me selfish but I can't."_

_Mary began sobbing, "Just leave...leave!" She returned back inside to her house._

_Sodapop walked away, another person he hurt with his departure. Another person left behind broken. He carried his duffel bag over his shoulder heading to the train station. It was early morning, like the beginning he had no idea where he should be going. What he decided to do was to hop off the train where he thought was the place he felt most content. Like some random game. A random stop. _

_Sodapop bought his ticket and seated himself in the way back. Looking out the window he smiled softly. Yeah he missed home but he wanted to continue his unknown journey. Wanted to keep on healing. If he went back home his wound would just re open. Images of his family and friends popped up. __**God I miss you guys. I really hope you're all doing well. **_

_On the ride he had bought a journal so he could write his thoughts down. He learned this from Ponyboy who would write some stuff down saying he was bored and wanted to write a story or something. Sodapop guessed that writing down whatever was on his mind could ease him:_

_November 15th. 1966_

_So Im heading off to God knows where. I only hope it's the right place. I had to say goodbye to this chick named Mary. I hope she forgives me one day. I still miss Sandy. Sometimes I think I hate her but I don't. Or maybe I do. Who knows. I just want her out of my brain. _

_I miss Darry, Pony, Steve, Twobit, Johnny even Dally. I know Darry is probably doing ok, Twobit too. Johnny is with Dally so he's ok. Steve I'm sure is pretty mad at me. I would be too. Who Im more worried about is Ponyboy. I miss him so much, my baby brother._

_Sodapop stopped writing, a yawn escaped his lips. His eyes started feeling heavier by the second. He laid against his seat sleeping, waiting for his next stop..._

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><p><strong>oOoOoOo<strong>

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><p><strong>(Sorry for any grammar mistakes)<strong>

**Thank you for the reviews, I can't thank you enough! **


	12. Chapter 12

**.::I do not own The Outsiders::.**

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><p><strong>12. A very unexpected talk.<strong>

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><p>Being the last class before going home the classroom full of adolescents chattered without paying much attention to their teacher. Ponyboy was doodling on his notebook waiting for the teacher to boom out with his voice shushing everyone. Suddenly a small ball of paper landed on his desk. He opened it up reading, '<em>Watch out stupid greaser.'<em> Rolling his eyes he threw it away at a nearby trash can. Ever since he danced with that girl Tanya at school some guys kept on bullying him. Good thing about him was that he had his friends to back him up. Tanya tried keeping contact with Pony but to now make things matters worse he always ignored her. She backed off eventually frustrated.

The last bell rung, he put on his jacket now that it was colder than ever now that is was almost the end of November. Twobit and Steve were waiting for him by the entrance. Just as he was about to step down the stairs someone pushed him hard making him stumble down. Pony landed on his knees and hands, everyone gasped or simply stayed to watch. Pony gritted his teeth having enough of the harassment. Twobit with Steve were already walking towards him.

"What are you going to do about it, huh greaser?" Scott asked folding his arms in front of his chest.

Ponyboy's hands turned into fists, "I don't know _Scott._ How about I put my foot up your a-"

Twobit jerked him away standing in front of the young Greaser, "Say _Scott_ why don't you just walk away right know before my friend Steve and I do some serious damage."

Steve puffed out his chest more seeming a lot more tougher, Ponyboy growled lowly at them. He felt humiliated. Not that anyone noticed but he knew he could handle his own fights. He didn't need anyone right at that moment. It would have been only him against Scott. Twobit repeated what he said at the Soc who simply shrugged walking away from them. Everybody else went on with what they were doing.

Ponyboy let it go for now, in the end his friends just cared for him anyway. He'd do the same for them in a heartbeat. After all, Greasers stick together. They went off to drop him at his house so they could go to the DX for work.

"If he messes with you again you tell us kid." Steve warned.

Twobit nodded, "We'll kick his and anybody else's ass. Haven't fought in a long time so this could be fun."

Ponyboy smiled, even though he was a little frustrated he felt thankful, "Fine fine, just get going or your boss is sure gonna bust a nerve again."

Steve pointed at Twobit, "His fault we were late. Not my problem he's such a horn dog that he had to fool around with that girl of his before getting to work. Ain't that right Twobit?"

Twobit grinned sheepishly, "What can I say? I have my moments."

Both greasers left. Darry called to check up on his little brother knowing he was already home by that hour. He also told him what chores to do like laundry, dishes and taking out the trash. Darry would be the one to make dinner. Hours later Dally stopped by grumbling a hello. He plopped himself on the couch smoking a cigarette while turning on the television. Ponyboy put away the last dish from the sink drying his hands with a wash cloth. The smell of the cancer stick made his nose scrunch up. Outside was ok but inside it wasn't.

"You know Darry doesn't allow smoking in the house, Dal."

"Is he here?"

"...No."

"Then stop whining."

Pony muttered some words as he sat down next to him. The TV was on a channel where some lame comedy show was on. Some minutes passed by with only the two of them watching. There was a scene where a family was having breakfast. The mother was smiling sweetly at her son and husband. The son said some love words to his mother saying how much he appreciated his family. How it was very important to stick together. Ponyboy grimaced, _Sure, keep believing that you little brat._ He sighed getting up not interesting in watching TV anymore.

"How are ya feeling Pone?"

The boy stopped on his tracks turning around so slowly repeating the question he was asked in his head, _did Dally just ask me how I'm feeling? Dally?! _

"Um, I'm ok."

Dally started cracking his knuckles, "You ever been scared of me?"

Pony was now baffled with all these questions, Dally was not the person to ask these things or show some emotions. Sure he was a good buddy to the gang but did he show some affection? No. Pony was actually surprised. He thought about the question for some seconds, when he first met Dally he was awfully scared. His personality was just too much to take in, a very tuff kid who saw more than he should have at his young age.

"Yeah."

"You scared of me now?"

Again he thought, he didn't want to admit it but he was. Maybe it was because of those ice cold blue eyes that pierced through you when he stared at you or that he was a real JD and a real hood or that he was certainly a person to not mess with especially with his reputation. Ponyboy pursed his lips, _Why is he asking me all this? _

"So?"

"Yes." Pony answered timidly.

Dally sighed, "You shouldn't, kid. You shouldn't be scared. I thought you knew that by now."

"Why's that?"

Winston stood up walking to the door, he looked at Ponyboy who was standing in the middle of the living room confused by all this. He cracked one of those rare meaningful smiles, "I'm your friend, Pone. I care. I know what you're going through... Must be hard to believe huh?... Heh, oh and one more thing, don't be saying this to nobody else or I'll personally kick your ass. See ya later kid." With those words said he slammed the door behind him.

Ponyboy's eyes widened a bit slowly comprehending what had just happened. What Dally got through to him. That he really cared for Pony, it was a real shocker. Never in his life had Pony ever heard Dallas Winston show any kind of affection not even to Johnny. So he looked out for everybody, maybe a little over protectiveness to Johnny but he didn't ever say it. And Ponyboy really believed that if he told this to anybody Dally would keep his word and kick his ass.

He smiled to himself, _Nobody would believe me anyway. Maybe Johnny but let's keep this a secret. I'm sure Dally does understand, it's just that he's different from me. He's a more colder person, I'm more...Weak._ Ponyboy frowned as he admitted this to himself, _I don't know how long it will be until I'm finally better. At least it's good to know that Dal understands. _

Alone in the house with nobody else, Ponyboy glanced at the clock. Darry was going to be home soon. He checked everything to make sure it was all clean, not messy, in place and up to Darry's standards. His brother's truck was heard outside. Pony listened to Darry's footsteps go up the porch stairs. The door opened.

"Hey there kiddo. How was your day?" Oldest Curtis asked giving his little brother a quick hug.

"It was... Different."

"Different? How so?"

Ponyboy smiled sitting on the couch remembering, "Let's just say that people can really surprise you."

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><p><strong>oOoOoOo<strong>

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><p><strong>(Sorry for any grammar mistakes)<strong>


	13. Chapter 13

**.::I do not own The Outsiders::.**

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><p><strong>13. Christmas<strong>

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><p><em>December 24th 1966<em>

_Today is one day before Christmas._

_I feel awful. I miss everybody else at home. So so much. Lucky for me I won't be alone tonight, my friend I met at the gas station where I work in invited me to his party. Told me there would be a lot of people and chicks. I dont really care about them but as long as I keep my mind off this sadness its okay with me. _

_St. Louis Illinois aint so bad. Especially with snow. Such a huge city. I wish Ponyboy was here, He would like it a lot. That kid is very different from us, I hope he stays that way. _

_Right now Im counting up my money I saved this past month and a half. My boss gave me my Christmas bonus. Can't believe I have this much saved. I don't exactly know what to buy though... _

_Last night I did something. It wasent stupid or anything. I just did it. Why? Guess I was homesick. Sometimes I lay awake at night remembering why the hell Im doing what I am. Sure its working, my wound is closing bit by bit. Hopefully one day it will be all closed up. And that day is the day I will go back home. _

_I promised myself this. For now going to keep this up. Find new places to live in, learn to work in other things too. _

_Merry Christmas Mom, Dad. Merry Christmas Darry and Pony. You too Steve, Twobit, Johnny and Dally. Gosh I miss them._

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><p>The snow outside was absolutely white covering the Curtis backyard glistening beautifully. Ponyboy was gazing up at the white sky trying to imagine himself up on those white puffy clouds. Suddenly he felt a hard cold snowball collide against his face. Steve barked out a laugh as Twobit wiggled his eyebrows at him proud at such aim.<p>

"And that's how it's done!"

Ponyboy narrowed his eyes menacingly, "Oh you are so going to get it."

In a matter of minutes he already had some snowballs in his gloved hands throwing them at Twobit and Steve. Johnny walked to the backyard hearing all the noise. Dally joined in going to Pony's side aiming at Steve. Ponyboy ducked a big snowball making it smash onto Dally's face. Twobit lowered himself behind his small fort muttering, "Ah shit."

Johnny pursed his lips amused to see what he was going to do. Ponyboy smiled mischievously waiting for Dally to blow a gasket. Steve backed away leaving Twobit alone to defend for himself.

"Keith. Mathews. You are._ Dead._" Dallas growled angrily.

"Awe c'mon Dal! H-have some Christmas spirit!"

Pony cleared his throat, "Technically Christmas is tomorrow. Today is Christmas Eve."

Twobit glared at the young Greaser, "Gee thanks kid!"

In one fast move Dally had Twobit on the ground. Twobit's head was locked with Dally's arm with much force almost chocking him to death. Steve began laughing at this enjoying every second of it, "That's what you get for being such a bird brain!"

Dally called Ponyboy, "C'mere! Why doncha have some sweet little revenge on this clown!"

Twobit was struggling to get away at hearing this, Dally only held on stronger, Ponyboy rubbed his chin then he smiled evilly, "Don't mind if I do."

He grabbed a shovel that was used to make the forts digging it onto the ground then lifted it up with a ton of snow. Johnny stood closer to them wanting to see. Steve whistled a high tune having a lot of fun. Twobit squirmed under Dally's grip. _I'm doomed!_

"Tisk tisk Twobit, this is what you get for getting at me distracted." The shovel went upside down letting all the snow fall on to Twobit's head. Dally snickered finally releasing him. Steve and Pony high fived each other proud of his prank. Johnny rolled his eyes smiling at his friend's goofy behavior. Twobit shook his head like there was water in his ears. He looked fiercely at Ponyboy ready to pounce on him.

"Not so fast Twobit!"

They all looked behind them, it was Darry who was by the back door, "Christ almighty, it's freezing out here! Get your behinds inside now. It's time to eat anyway."

The gang cheered quickly making their way into the kitchen. Ponyboy glanced behind him thinking of his middle brother. _He woulda loved this._ Johnny put a hand on his shoulder squeezing it guessing what he was probably thinking about. Pony smiled at Johnny reassuringly, "I'm okay Johnny Cakes."

Inside was Darry fixing up the food for everybody, they all had pitched in money for the event. Sitting around the table Pony helped his brother give out the plates. He handed each their own portion. Twobit had that special twinkle in his eyes when it came to food. _Good thing I brought my fat pants!_ Ponyboy smiled seeing everyone together enjoying their meal happily. For just a mere second the thought of his brother disappeared. Darry seemed to think the same so he shot him a warm smile.

The radio played Christmas tunes, the air was joyful. The Curtis Christmas tree was in the corner of their house with the ornaments their mother had saved. Some presents were under there already. More snow started to fall from the sky making another layer of fresh white snow that sparkled under the moon's glow. Dally ruffled Pony's hair noticing him spacing off.

"What? The food not good enough for ya?" Dally asked his mouth full.

Pony grimaced, "Ewe, now it's not."

Twobit waved a chicken leg at him, "If you ain't gonna finish that up give it here!"

Darry rolled his eyes, "If ya'll keep talking with your mouths full you're gonna choke so just chew it up and swallow."

Steve sighed satisfied finishing up, "Now that was good food."

Twobit agreed burping loudly, the gang made a face, "Damn right Stevie. Now where's dessert?"

Ponyboy gaped at him in disbelief, "How can you fit so much in you? No wonder you're so fat!"

Dally snickered, "That's 'cause he's a cow."

Darry stood up from his seat, "Actually I did think of dessert." He got out of the stove one delicious looking chocolate cake big enough for everyone. Ponyboy beamed, his brother generally never did those kinds of things. It was usually Sodapop...He groaned inwardly not believing what he was thinking again. _God damn it. Now now. Let me enjoy this moment! _Twobit rubbed his two hands together imagining the chocolate melting his mouth. Steve wondered if he could eat at least one slice. _The hell with it, I'm eating two._ Johnny didn't want to admit it but he was excited to have some and Dally was okay with it. Although his stomach rumbled loudly eagerly awaiting a slice.

Darry handed the knife to Ponyboy, "I'll leave you the honor."

Ponyboy grinned, "Don't mind if I do."

The Greasers continued their small party for hours. Games of cards, wrestling, music, smokes. It was all too good. It had to end when the clock struck one in the morning. Ponyboy yawned leaving his cards on the table. Twobit went on home saying he needed to show up with his mother and sister. Dally left to Buck's thanking Darry for the food. Johnny and Steve stayed so Pony supplied them with pillows and blankets.

In his own room Ponyboy gazed outside his window. The moon shone brightly along with the stars. The day went well making him happy. He laid in bed as his eyes closed bit by bit tired.

_Merry Christmas Mom. Dad. You too Soda..._

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><p>"Merry Christmas Pony!"<p>

Somebody had jumped on his bed shaking him to wake up. Ponyboy rubbed his eyes seeing Darry on his bed. Pony grinned at his brother getting of the bed to the living room both emerging from his room. Johnny and Steve had already woken up watching some television. They greeted him with the same words. _Merry Christmas._ He peeked outside the living room window. Same as yesterday only more snow. The small flakes fell on the ground accumulating more and more snow. He knew he had to shovel the yard later on. He then noticed their mail box was open with something sticking out.

"Hey Darry!" He shouted behind him.

"Yeah?" Darry responded from the kitchen preparing some coffee.

"Did we have to get some mail today? Maybe from the Social Worker or something?"

That caught Darry's attention as well as Steve's and Johnny's who stopped watching television, "No...Why? Did we receive mail?"

Ponyboy put on his shoes walking outside ignoring Darry's stern voice saying to him to put on a jacket. Young Curtis felt chills run down his spine as he took hold of the white envelope inside. Furrowing his eyes he saw that there was no return address only his own. His eyes widened, _To Ponyboy and Darry._ He recognized the hand writing. His heart began to beat fast against his chest while he ripped open the paper. Inside contained one sheet of paper. Swallowing thickly, Pony began reading it. Darry was on the porch irritated with his little brother not obeying him. Johnny glanced at his friend noticing him too still. _Somethin's wrong._ Steve frowned, "I think you should go see Dar."

Darry hurried to his brother who was now shaking like a leaf, he mistook it for him being cold. Just as he was about to scold him he stopped. Ponyboy's eyes watered, one tear sliding down his right cheek. His whole body roughly shuddered, Darry was now getting worried not understanding his sudden change of emotions. Ponyboy gulped, "Look." He whispered as cold vapor escaped his mouth.

His older brother saw the paper that was crumpling in Pony's hand, he took it. A cold feeling grew in the pity of his stomach reading every word written on the white sheet. Darry shut his eyes closed, "Soda..."

_Dear Pony and Darry and everybody else:_

_I really hope you are having one good Christmas. I miss you guys so much. Don't worry bout me Im doing ok. Tell that to the guys too, that I miss them. Every day I think bout all of you. Like what you are doing, how are you doing. Your chocolate cake. God I miss that a lot. _

_From where I am I send you one big hug. _

_I know this must be so sudden. After all I havent made contact with you in such a long time. I dont know if I'll write more, I dont think so. But I just had to since it was Christmas. _

_I wish you a very Merry Christmas. I miss you all. Pony, Darry I love you Really dont worry bout me. Im doing just dandy. _

_Oh and have a happy new years too. Take care of yourselves please. Bye._

_~Sodapop P. Curtis_

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><p><strong>oOoOoOo<strong>

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><p><strong>(Sorry for any grammar mistakes)<br>**

**(:Thank you for the reviews & keeping up with the fanfic! I appreciate it a whole lot!  
><strong>


	14. Chapter 14

**.::I do not own The Outsiders::.**

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><p><strong>14. Wound opener.<strong>

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><p>Steve scoffed as he read the letter, "And what? Does he expect us to be okay with this fucking letter? '<em>Tell the guys I miss them too'<em>, Pff, bullshit! This. is. Bullshit."

Darry pressed his lips intro a tight straight line agreeing with him yet he didn't say it out loud, _How could Sodapop do this?_ Steve shook his head slamming the letter down on the coffee table, he stomped out the door grumbling he'd come back later. Johnny stood up going to Ponyboy's bedroom worried. He knocked gently on the door.

"What."

"Can I come in?"

"...Whatever."

Johnny entered, he saw Ponyboy on his bed sitting with a book in his hands. Pony though that he could just read a book to take his mind off trying to forget what happened, the words of Sodapop still lingered in his head. The wound that was starting to heal opened up again. His friend bit his bottom lip not knowing what to say or do. All he wanted was for Pony to be okay. Not to fall into a big depression again.

"I'm fine." Pony murmured.

Johnny rolled his eyes, _Always being so stubborn. _"No you ain't."

"Well I'm trying to be. I mean, it's not easy you know."

"And I'm not saying it is Pone. You're strong, I know it. For now let's just enjoy Christmas. Maybe have another snowball fight. Just don't be getting all sad ok?"

Pony smiled weakly, "Sure."

In the living room Darry was re reading the sheet of paper, he put it away quickly as his brother and friend stepped out sitting on the couch. _He looks fine, God help me. I don't want him to be getting sick again. _Pony nodded a hello to his brother. Johnny looked around for Steve. Then the door opened revealing Twobit grinning happily.

"Merry Christmas my fellow hoodlums! What did Santa get me this year?" He asked cheerfully.

Ponyboy stared at the ground not in any mood for this stuff, Johnny sighed gesturing for him to go to the porch. Twobit's face showed confusion so he followed Johnny waiting for an explanation. Darry scooted closer to Pony wrapping his arm around his neck trying to comfort him. He felt him shake under his embrace.

"Don't cry little colt. Please don't cry."

Pony sniffed, "I-I'm sorry Dar."

"Shh. There's nothing to be sorry about Pony."

"W-why did he have to send the letter if h-he ain't coming back?"

Darry held on tighter, "I don't know little colt, but let's not think about it ok? I-I'm real thankful you're here with me Pony. Very glad." He closed his eyes resting his chin on top of Pony's head, "That's all that matters Pone, that we're still together."

Ponyboy wiped away his tears, "You're right Darry," Taking a deep shuddery breath, "Thanks Dar. I love you."

"Love you too, kiddo."

They decided it was better if they continued their Christmas day without any more frustrating feelings. Darry went to the kitchen finishing making breakfast, Pony stayed on the couch rubbing his eyes with the palm of his hands, _What a morning... _His eyes fell upon the paper on the coffee table. The line Soda wrote stood out from the rest: _I miss you guys._

His face expressed a scowl, _Yeah right. _He took the letter in his hand suddenly crumpling it throwing it against the wall with much force. _Damn you Sodapop._.. _Damn you... _Just then Twobit got inside with Johnny both their faces slightly gloomy. Ponyboy stared out the window for a moment then turned to Twobit, "Merry Christmas Twobit."

Twobit was taken aback but he smiled anyways, "Erm, Merry Christmas kid."

Johnny felt a feeling of relief when he saw Ponyboy right as rain, sure, he knew in the inside he was probably broken but he's strong. He's ok. And that's all that mattered to him. _He's tough._

The rest of the day consisted of the boys trying to get things back to normal or at least their own definition of normalcy. Dally and Steve arrived later on in the day, Steve was cooled off yet his agitated attitude stayed. Dally heard everything, he was mad in the inside not believing how much of an asshole Sodapop turned out to be. Ponyboy locked up his emotions, thoughts, anything that had to do with his absent brother in order to enjoy his day. Gifts were exchanged and another small feast was held.

The letter lay on the floor crumpled.

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><p>The days passed by quickly so fast that New Year's felt like a blink of an eye. It was one of the most saddest beginnings of the year to the Curtis brothers. They had to suffer the loss of their parents, then Sodapop's goodbye. It was all too much. Ponyboy hoped this year could await better days, happier moments. Darry felt the need to stay strong, even stronger this year for his remaining brother. He promised himself to take much better care for Pony and a better leader for the gang. He had to keep this together, he won't let anything else go wrong.<p>

School time was starting again, the snow was still falling but less. Ponyboy got into Steve's car with Johnny heading towards the school building. Turning the ignition off Ponyboy sighed, another day in school. _How boring._ Johnny nudged him on the ribs giving him a warm smile to lighten up. Steve told them he wouldn't drive them to school afterwards, he had a very lovely date with Evie. Johnny nodded while Ponyboy rolled his eyes not caring for his justification.

The hours came and went, when the boys knew it, classes were over. Ponyboy waited for Johnny out the entrance. He crossed his arms itching for a smoke. He'd ask Johnny for one when he showed up. Suddenly he heard a familiar voice. One of his eyes twitched a bit.

"Ponyboy..."

He stiffened, _Ah Geez._ "Tanya..."

She beamed when he recognized her, "How was your Christmas break?"

Pony spat, "Just wonderful."

Tanya pursed her lips wanting to say something else, that is until _another_ familiar voice boomed. _Scott._ He narrowed his eyes at the Greaser striding his way over to them. He snatched Tanya by her arm making her yelp. Ponyboy wasn't into girls yet nor did he have any feelings for Tanya but he was taught never to treat a lady like shit thanks to his parents. Pony frowned not scared by the Soc's aggression.

"You lousy son of a bitch. I told you to get away from her!" He yelled as Tanya whimpered.

Ponyboy gritted his teeth pointing at him, "Me? Looks whose talking? You can't even keep your girl happy. You don't even know how to treat a girl properly!"

Scott glanced at the girl loosening his grip, "Shut the fuck up you grease ball!"

Just as Curtis was about to let a punch go someone held on to him, "Calm down Pone." It was Johnny.

"You should listen to your friend." Scott sneered.

"That's it-"

"Is something going on boys?" A teacher had her hands on her hips waiting for an answer.

Pony knew he couldn't get in trouble in school or the Social Worker would hear a load of this. He shrugged of Johnny's hand mumbling some words walking down the steps. His buddy followed close behind. They walked silently home. The air was cold, the wind carried small snowflakes. The trees were naked without their leaves so they swayed with the gust of wind. Ponyboy furrowed his eyebrows together as he kicked a small rock.

"I could have taken him."

Johnny, "I know."

When they got inside Twobit was eating a slice of chocolate cake with the television turned on. With his mouth full he said a hello to them. Pony made a face as he dropped his backpack to the ground, "Gross Twobit."

Johnny plopped himself on the couch, "'Sup."

Ponyboy threw himself on his bed covering his face with an arm. Stress was forming up in his chest again. He growled knowing it was because of the letter, he had taken two steps forward but now he took one back. He had to start from the beginning. _Again_. Young Curtis felt very upset these days, he was still trying to figure out _The why's and what if's _to Soda's departure. His heart ache was aching much more.

The Greaser closed his eyes, _Why is it that we have to suffer these things? Wasn't it enough with Mom and Dad? _With one long yawn, Ponyboy turned over not aware that sleep had over powered him.

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><p><strong>oOoOoOo<strong>

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><p><strong>(Sorry for any grammar mistakes.)<strong>

**Thank you guys for the reviews and follows and favorites! You rock!(:**


	15. Chapter 15

**.::I do not own The Outsiders::.**

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><p><strong>15. Surprise for Johnny, surprise from him.<strong>

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><p>The first of march, the beginning of a new month. Spring break was just around the corner and the climate started getting more hotter. Ponyboy wiped his forehead with his sleeve as he walked towards his house with a small package in his hands and a bag full of groceries. He hurriedly made his way inside quickly getting out some bowls, the food from the bag and other ingredients. Glancing at the clock Pony went faster. <em>He'll be here around five. Where the hell is everybody?!<em>

Twobit barged inside shouting his presence as he slammed the entrance door. Ponyboy rolled his eyes irritated. It was no use in telling the guys to close the door nicely, always they had to slam it shut. Only he and Darry were the ones to do it. Twobit went into the kitchen arching an eyebrow intrigued at what Ponyboy was doing.

"Making a cake I see. Don't you got one already in the fridge?"

"Yes but this one is more special. More chocolatier. Oh, can you open the bag of chips inside and put 'em on um...That bowl over there?"

The side burned greaser shrugged and did what he was told. Steve was the next one to come inside as he dropped his ass on the couch taking a big deep breath letting it out slowly, he was tired after all from much work.

"What's the big occasion?" He asked as he put his feet on the coffee table.

Ponyboy had put in the cake into the oven heading to the living room snatching a small bag of balloons from the kitchen table. Slapping Steve's feet off, Pony blew some air into the plastic objects. Twobit shrugged again sitting down next to him, "I dunno. Is the president coming?"

Ponyboy smirked as he tied up one of the balloons, "You guys aren't being serious are you?"

Both simply stared at him. He rolled his eyes, "It's Johnny's birthday, for cripes sake!"

Twobit jumped from his seat, "What? Really? Why didn't you say so?!"

"Shut up already and help out some. Geez."

Twobit helped out with the balloons, Steve set the table and Ponyboy checked outside the window for any sign of Johnny. An hour later Darry arrived. He put away his tool belt in his room then checked up on the guys having a confused look on his face. He saw his brother Ponyboy take out a very delicious looking cake from the oven. Twobit was licking away the spoon, _Pig,_ and Steve was sitting down sticking some balloons on the walls.

"Uh-what's going on?"

Ponyboy growled, "It's Johnny's birthday!"

Darry's eyes widened, "Oh. Sorry...Wait...where'd you get the dough to buy all this stuff Pone?"

His brother responded, "I saved it all up from my allowance. No big deal."

Just then the door swung open with Dally coming inside smoking a cancer stick. He looked behind him then to the Greasers, "Ya'll better hurry up, Johnny's coming this way."

Ponyboy had already told Dally the surprise party a day before believing he was one who wouldn't remember. Turns out it was the opposite. Twobit hid behind the couch, Steve crouched down under the table, Ponyboy turned off the lights and Darry went behind the door. Dally simply sat on the recliner finishing up his cigarette. Darry hissed saying no smoking allowed inside. Dally grumbled some words as he put it out.

The door creaked a bit as it opened slowly. Johnny's head was inside puzzled at why no one was home. Suddenly the lights were on and everybody shouting, "Happy birthday!"

Johnny blushed absolutely surprised. He thought that everybody actually forgot. Maybe not Ponyboy but everybody else. He grinned sheepishly as the gang one by one congratulated him for turning seventeen. Ponyboy gave him his present which was a new switch blade he had bought, it was used but he made sure he had cleaned it up shiny new. Johnny was in awe, so he gave him a warm hug smiling very thankful.

The rest murmured a sorry for not buying him anything although Johnny didn't care. Dally on the other hand said he'd buy him something next week. The whole night was a blast as music was playing on the radio, the cake sliced for everyone. Twobit bought some booze later on getting himself, Steve and Dally drunk. Striking twelve at night Darry called it a night. He let the guys sleep over knowing that in the morning they would have a mayor hang over.

Ponyboy quietly said a goodnight, Johnny stopped him for a moment. He smiled, "Thank you Pony. For all of this."

"Don't thank me Johnny, thank them too. I mean, we all planned it out after all."

Johnny smirked, "Twobit told me everything. How you were the one to save up cash. They didn't remember."

Pony narrowed his eyes at Twobit in the dark, _Stupid!_ "Yeah well at least he blew some balloons. That's helping out ain't it?"

Both chuckled, Johnny smiled again, "But really Pony. Thanks. You're the best buddy anyone could ask for."

Ponyboy grinned happy to hear his commentary, "And you're mine Johnny. Don't ever forget that."

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><p><em>He opened his eyes squinting, the light was too bright. He sat up rubbing his face yawning. Somehow he felt awfully tired. Standing up putting on some pants someone called out for him. He froze knowing exactly whose voice it was.<em>

_"Pony..."_

_Turning around he saw his middle brother laying on the bed with one of his famous care free grins, "Hi Pony. Missed me much?"_

_Ponyboy backed away shaking his head, "Wh-what are you doing here?_

_Soda cocked his head sideways, "I live here... What's wrong honey?"_

_Young Curtis flattened himself against the wall, "You! Y-you're supposed to be gone! You left! You left me!"_

_Sodapop looked hurt, "Pony..."_

_He felt tears slide down his cheeks, "I hate you."_

_His brother frowned sadly, "Don't say that Pony..."_

_Ponyboy gritted his teeth, "I hate you!"_

The boy woke up in cold sweat, beside him was Darry watching him closely sitting on the edge of the bed. Apparently he had woken up his older brother. Pony smeared his hand on to his face sighing, it had been almost awhile since he had nightmares. Or dreams like these. He gulped searching for his bottle of aspiring in the drawer next to his bed feeling an upcoming head ache.

Darry stroked Pony's wet hair from the sweat, "Another bad dream huh?"

Pony sighed, "Yeah...I thought those were over."

"You need anything else?"

"I-I think I'm ok now."

Darry nodded, just as he was about to leave Ponyboy quickly called out for him.

"What is it, kiddo?"

Ponyboy pursed his lips embarrassed to say it, "Could you...could you sleep with me?"

Older Curtis nodded, "Sure. I will."

That night both brothers slept soundly, maybe Sodapop wasn't there to fight off his demons but there was Darry. Someone else who also loved him very much, Ponyboy smiled contently, _I'm sure happy Darry's still here. At least we get along better. _Closing his eyes Darry held on to him tightly as if he were to slip away. His little brother meant the world to him and seeing him distraught from all these nightmares all he could do was be with him. Make sure he felt better.

_I love you baby brother. I won't ever leave you...__  
><em>

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><p>Spring break, the students walked home excitedly making plans for their small vacation time. Johnny didn't show up probably skipping class. Ponyboy shook his head not believing how many days his friend has missed of school. Twobit was waiting for him by his car, Steve left an hour ago going to work. Twobit would be going a little later. In the car, Ponyboy asked if he'd seen Johnny around.<p>

"He said he was gonna be at your house. Saw him with Dally in town in the morning. C'mon lets go or Darry will bust a nerve."

Getting home Twobit waved him a goodbye, inside was Johnny sitting on the couch watching some television. As he entered Johnny looked nervous. Ponyboy dropped his backpack at his room coming back to the living room answering the ringing phone.

"'Sup...What?...Yeah ok I won't answer like that anymore...Ok...Fine...Sure...Bye. Hey Johnny Cakes."

"Hey Pony."

"You all right?"

Johnny swallowed, "I have something to tell you."

Ponyboy sat down deliberately, "Okaaay."

The tanned greaser licked his lips trying to figure out how to say what he wanted. He had made a big decision weeks ago, he already told Dally. He was very angry but Johnny didn't care much. The reaction he cared for more was his bests friend's. _Ponyboy._ He thought that now was the right moment to say it since summer was coming soon. He ran his hand though his hair nervously.

Pony's eyes widened for a moment blurting out, "Did you get a girl pregnant? Is that it?"

Johnny gaped for a second until he shook his head fast, "What-no! That's no it Pone...It's just that...I think you've noticed I haven't been going to school."

"Uh-huh..."

He took a deep breath, "Pony. I'm dropping out of school."

When those words were out of his mouth a sudden tension filled the room. Ponyboy blankly stared at Johnny. _D-dropping out of...school? Johnny? But he's not dumb. He can't drop out! He only has one more year! No no no. Not him too!_

"No...Johnny...You can't drop out! Why? I mean, I can help you! I-I can do your homework! Help you pass the tests!"

Johnny frowned sadly, "Pony-"

"Please Johnny! Don't drop out." He pleaded with much hope in his voice.

"It's just too hard Pone, I can't see myself graduate." Johnny spoke softly.

Pony's eyes watered from frustration of the memory of Sodapop telling him he was going to drop put and work at the DX. And now Johnny doing this too. His chest was filled with more frustration, anger, disappointment. Johnny noticed this, "Awe Pone..."

"Do whatever you want! I don't care!" He stomped off to his room slamming the door to his room.

Johnny was left shocked at his angry response, he didn't expect him to be this mad. It actually hurt. He let down a person he cared about deeply which stung him in the back of his mind. His own eyes began to form tears so he walked out of there. _Damn it. Damn it. I'm real sorry Pony. Really. I'm really stupid._ _After all you've been through_ _and now me ruining his day. Jesus what kind of friend am I?_

Inside Pony's room he wiped away the fallen tears, sitting on the floor he shut his eyes closed wanting to let the anger go away. He knew Johnny had potential, maybe it was a little harder for him to pass grades but at least he passed them. Graduation wasn't very far away for Johnny and hearing his decision made him sad. Sighing, Ponyboy sprawled himself on the floor staring up at the ceiling. Deep down he'd get over it soon, he couldn't stay mad for long at his best friend.

_If that's what he wants I'll support him. I'll get over this...It will all be fine. It has too._

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><p><strong><em>oOoOoOo<em>**

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><p><strong>(Sorry for any grammar mistakes)<strong>

**Thank you for the reviews and keeping up! Sorry for the late update. Soon things will get sizzling. Hope you all are enjoying this! Things in the story happen for a reason so stay tuned to find out.(:**


	16. Chapter 16

**.::I do not own The Outsiders::.**

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><p><strong>16. Another heart broken.<strong>

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><p><em>May 14th 1966<em>

_At work there was a problem, the guy working with me keeps stealing some dollars from the cash register. I knew but as always me being so stupid kept it to myself. Sheesh, very bad mistake. Boss found out and guess what? He blamed it on me! Just cause I'm not from their town. The guy even blamed me too! Im sick and tired of it so Im going somewhere new. I dont know when I'll leave or where but I have my money saved up. It feels good to spend it on something that I like for example beer. _

_Last night I got drunk all by myself. It was sorta fun though I have no idea how Twobit does it. One lousy hang over today. Twobit..._

_I wonder how theyre doin anyways. I dreamt of Ponyboy not too long ago. He was shouting some stuff at me. I guess my ears were clogged cause I couldnt hear him. But I did see that he was awfully angry. Which reminds me, his birthday is coming up soon!_

_He's gonna be 15. Gosh did he grow up so big so fast. I member when Mama brought him home. Such a small little baby. Those green eyes of his. I miss him so much. Damn, I could go back right this instant but...Not now. Soon. I can feel it. _

_Well nighty night for me tonight. Tomorrow I gotta check things out for my next trip. Wonder where Im gonna head off to this time. Oh and Im prouda myself. I haven't thought of Sandy much. Im pretry sure shes married by now. Yeah it hurts...A little. _

_I miss you so damn much Ponyboy. You too Darry. That's all for now. I'll write more tomorrow. Yup. Tomorrow..._

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><p>Twobit whooped pumping his fist in the air jumping of joy as the bells of class rung. It was finally summer vacation time. He was tired of homework, studying and having hang overs while in class. Ponyboy on the other hand rolled his eyes at his immatureness. Steve was with Evie by his car kissing her soft lips telling her he'd see her in the afternoon. She seemed a little hesitant but nodded anyway. Evie mentioned something about having a serious talk with him later on.<p>

Twobit led Pony inside his vehicle, Steve followed behind them. At the Curtis house Dally was eating some left overs that Darry told him to eat. Darry caught him stealing at the local store, he lectured him on how it was wrong and if he was hungry he could eat whatever was inside his fridge. Dally felt embarrassed but listened anyway. Darry was just being nice in his own weird way. Johnny was there minutes later turning on the television. He sat down on the floor searching for a good channel. Both watched a cop movie.

Ponyboy greeted them going to his room to take a nice cold shower. It was very hot so during the day he began to feel sticky. Over the past month and a half Ponyboy let the frustration fade away from Johnny's decision. It was something he couldn't change so instead of being mad he simply accepted it. Just like with Sodapop. He learned to deal with it. Johnny was relieved to finally be able to be okay again with his best friend.

The gang hung around for a while playing a game of poker, eating the rest of chocolate cake. Around seven at night Twobit suggested to Ponyboy and Johnny to go watch a movie at the Drive in to celebrate the first day of summer vacation. Steve left for Evie's date. Dally denied it wanting to get laid, he was itching for a broad that night. That left Pony, Twobit and Johnny to go. Ponyboy called Darry's office informing him where he was gonna be and what he was going to come back.

They decided to walk since it was hot, the fresh air could cool them down. They made it inside the illegal way like almost every Greaser does. The movie was something about a blonde marrying someone she didn't love and bla bla bla. Twobit was interested at first but only because of the actress. Then in the middle of the film he began horsing around lifting every girls skirt up as they passed by the boys. Johnny scowled at his behavior while Ponyboy was reddened with humiliation. _This is why I never bring any of the guys but Johnny. Damn it Twobit leave that girl-never mind. You deserved that slap to the face!_

Almost at the end Ponyboy stood up going for some snacks. Johnny went with him seeing how Twobit wasn't going to stop. A girl yelped pushing him off his seat. One man shouted for him to shut up. Twobit simply gave him the bird looking for his friends when he noticed they weren't in their seats anymore.

The line wasn't too long, just four or five people. When it was Pony's turn somebody shoved him hard. Johnny caught him just in time before he fell to the ground. Ponyboy glared seeing who it was. _Scott._ He sneered at the Curtis who was right in front of him. The woman at the cash register stood stunned at the aggressive move. Ponyboy noticed so he straightened himself controlling his instinct to fight back.

"What's your fucking problem?" Pony said through his gritted teeth.

Scott spat, "You, you lousy Greaser! I can't even enjoy a simple movie 'cause you're here!"

Johnny saw everyone surround them waiting for a fight, he whispered in Pony's ear to take it outside or the fuzz will show. Ponyboy spoke, "Let's go, I'm not even in the mood to fight with this gorilla anyway."

Everyone laughed, Scott was left with a very red face angered. Twobit spotted them so he quickly made his way to them, "Golly, you sure know how to disappear and leave a guy hanging alone. Why the face Pone? Something happen?"

Pony glanced at the snack bar, "Nothing. I'm just tired, let's head on home."

Twobit shrugged, the three were walking for only some minutes until they heard a car behind them it's engine purring lightly. Johnny gulped tensing his body fearing the worst, Ponyboy sighed annoyed obviously knowing who it was that was following them. Twobit put his hand into his pocket stroking the switchblade ready to use it. The car stopped. Four Socs got out with the leader, Scott, grinning mischievously.

"Well well well. Look who we have here. Three filthy greasers. Ain't that just _lovely."_

Twobit kept his cool, Ponyboy wanted to turn around so badly to punch them in the face. Johnny kept his head down low. Scott growled when he noticed that the Greasers didn't pay any attention to his mockery. He picked up a glass bottle from the ground throwing it at Pony. The bottle hit his back making him fall to his knees. That was the last straw. Twobit spun around getting out his switch blade yelling, "C'mon! I can take ya! C'mon!"

Johnny helped Pony up getting in defense mode, Ponyboy narrowed his eyes. Scott grinned again satisfied with the reaction, "It's four against three, you sure you wanna do that?"

Ponyboy wasn't thinking at the moment, he went right up to Scott punching him on the face. One Soc punched back. Twobit helped his friend while Johnny took on one fighting back very well. Scott saw Ponyboy clutch his stomach, one of them had kicked them. He took the opportunity to take a swing. Pony staggered backwards, with all his might he hit Scott on the nose. Blood spurred everywhere. The leader Soc covered his bloody nose yelling in pain.

"You son of a bitch! Mark, grab him!"

The Soc named Mark hauled him by the waist, Twobit tried defending him but his enemy wouldn't let him. Ponyboy struggled to get free. Johnny was about to punch the guy until the fourth Soc pushed him on his knees. Scott, with blood sliding down his mouth smiled. He took out a small switchblade from his back pocket waving it over Pony's face dangerously. Everybody froze watching him closely. Johnny's face paled, _Oh God...Oh God no!_ Twobit's eyes were wide as a saucer, _No fucking way..._

"I guess it's time to show you what we're made of huh horse boy?" The switchblade went closer and closer to Pony's neck, he squirmed in the Socs grip. Just as the tip got to his skin somebody shouted something.

"Yooou leave 'em alone yaaa dumb fuck!"

This person quickly threw Scott away from the boy, he hit the pavement hard. Mark the Soc let go of Pony wanting to help but all he received was a hard blow to the stomach knocking the wind out of him. Another one kicked the person on his hip but it back fired. He fell backwards. Scott was under the person trying to get away.

"Soooo you wanteed to mesh with this Greaser huh? Well youuu know what? Fuck you! I ain't letting you do it!"

Scott let out a grunt then another and another as a lot of punches were given to him. There would be many bruises for him the next day, if his nose was broken now it was more. His lips were busted and a large gash was made on his forehead.

Ponyboy shook his head slowly knowing this was getting to far, "Stop..Steve stop!"

Twobit picked his friend up letting Scott free. The Socs carried Scott to the mustang afraid of Steve and his violent attitude. Johnny's mouth was wide open, Steve wasn't acting like himself. He wouldn't just beat up a Soc like that. Ponyboy held on to Steve who was swaying, Twobit sniffed him grimacing at the familiar smell.

"You're fucking drunk!" He exclaimed.

"Let's get him home, he'll cool off by then." Johnny said.

Going home with much struggle they laid him on the couch. Steve had vomited in the back yard and now he was a little more sober. Just a little. Ponyboy went to the bathroom for some aspirins, Twobit for some water. Johnny stayed next to him. Steve drank the pills groaning. A mayor head ache was coming. Twobit smirked, "Ain't being drunk my talent Stevie my man?"

Steve gave him the finger, "Shut up you ass."

Ponyboy sighed, "Why'd you get drunk?"

Randle frowned, his fists were clammed shut remembering, "...Evie left me."

Twobit stopped smirking, Johnny stared at the floor. Ponyboy's hand went to his face rubbing it. _Ah damn it._ Steve swallowed the knot forming in his throat. He turned over his back facing them. Evie had broken up with him on their 'date.' She had her bags outside waiting for him. She told Steve how she was moving to another state, _This just ain't the place for me honey. I need someone who's more than just some Greaser. I understand if you hate me baby. You can find a better chick than me anyways. Bye._ He shut his eyes closed feeling tears well up.

"Just leave me alone." He muttered.

Twobit nodded comprehensive of the situation, he said goodbye and left. Johnny asked if he could sleep in Pony's room wanting to give Steve his space. Pony agreed. Later on Darry was home. He was told everything and felt sad. The memory of Sandy and Sodapop popped into his mind. He'd talk to Steve tomorrow at night. Greasers stick together and help each other out no matter what.

At night Ponyboy laid wide awake. Johnny was snoring softly deep in sleep. The Curtis boy tossed and turned something nagging him in his mind. A fear. Sighing he quietly went to the kitchen for a glass of water. Sipping on it he saw that Steve was sitting on the couch his face towards the floor. Ponyboy bit his bottom lip. _Should I ask him? Nah he'll just...Or...Maybe I should...But what if..._ In the end he opted for asking. He stepped closer over to Steve's side. Sitting down there was a moment of silence. Only the clock ticking away the seconds.

Steve murmured, "What do you want?"

Ponyboy cleared his throat, "I just...I just want to uh make sure you...you're all right."

"Well I ain't. Happy now?"

He nodded, "Oh. Ok."

Another moment of silence...

"Hey Steve."

"What?" He hissed.

Ponyboy gulped, "Are you gonna leave too?"

Steve looked at him in the dark, he could easily see with the help of the moon's light Ponyboy's eyes filled with fear. Dread. Like when Sodapop left. Steve let out a tired chuckle realizing everything, ruffling his hair he shook his head, "Naw. I ain't leaving kid. Don't worry."

That sent a whole ton of relief, "Really?"

"Yes. Really. I won't leave you kid. Any of you. It's gonna be hard but I'll manage. I'll be fine... Huh, who woulda thought that you and I could talk like this. We should alert the press or somethin."

Ponyboy laughed, "Guess some things change. For better or for worse...This one is for better."

Steve grinned, "Damn straight kid."

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><p><strong>oOoOoOo<strong>

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><p><strong>(Sorry for any grammar mistakes)<strong>

**Thank you for the awesome reviews! **

**I know, quick update. Hope you are happy with it.**

**Thank you again!(:**


	17. Chapter 17

**.::I do not own The Outsiders::.**

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><p><strong>17. What a drunk Pony can do.<strong>

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><p>He stood in front of the cake that held fifteen candles. The fire reflected on his green excited eyes. Even though he felt really happy that his friends and brother were there to celebrate it with him, that heartbreaking feeling was still deep down inside piercingly. Darry handed him the knife to cut the cake. Pony took it giving each one of them their slice. They all smiled happily thanking him. The rest of the day went by fast to Pony's mind. The whole party, his friends having a football match...<p>

He wanted it that way anyway, if it were possible he would skip the next day too.

In the morning of July 23rd, exactly one year ago had his middle brother Sodapop abandon the Greasers. The note was in Pony's drawer way in the back folded. The need to see it was getting bigger and bigger by the second but if he did this he would feel awful all over again so he decided against it. Steve stopped by asking the kid to go out for a while, he also knew what date it was. Everybody knew.

Twobit suggested to go to the library.

"You serious?" Pony asked laughing.

"Sure I am! I mean, I don't mind. I could go see the skin magazines in the adult section and get myself...Occupied." Twobit answered.

Ponyboy made a face, "Gross Twobit. And there are no adult sections."

Dally yawned, "Ya'll better hurry up and decide. I'm getting bored by all this. Hey, I got an idea! Let's get drunk."

Johnny rolled his eyes, "Yeah sure. Sounds like a good plan," He said sarcastically.

Twobit jumped up from where he was, "Wait right here! I'll be back!" He left running out the door.

Steve shrugged as he started a poker game with everyone. Ponyboy frowned, he always lost in poker. Fifteen minutes later Twobit arrived with three packs of beer. The Gang dropped their cards, Dally shouted, "Now that's what I'm talking about!" He grabbed a beer drinking it sighing contently. Steve was handed one, Johnny was given one by force. Ponyboy hesitated, he wasn't allowed to drink under any circumstances. A little voice in his head persuaded him to just take one sip. Twobit wiggled his eyesbrows.

"Hell, there's no harm in just drinking one! Ya need to learn to drink anyway! As I said before, this, my friends is man juice!" With that said he took one big gulp.

Steve hollered, "Damn right!"

The fifteen year old brought the drink to his lips, _Just a sip or two. Like Twobit said, there's no harm in it..._The bitter liquid entered his mouth, he grimaced at the taste yet kept swallowing it. Johnny pursed his lips wanting to intervene, his friend never drank before. This was going to end badly. Two hours passed by quickly and so did five beers. The Greasers were just fooling around now babbling about cars, chicks, their dumb past adventures. Dally went outside for a smoke, Twobit was laying on the couch burping, Steve was finishing up his last beer and Johnny worriedly looked at Pony who wasn't even aware that he was boozed up. His face felt numb, his whole body felt like he was floating. The surroundings were getting a little blurry and the noises sounded distant.

Steve scowled as he waved his beer bottle in the air, "Awe damn! There's no more booze! Where'd it all go!" He complained.

Dally leaned against the entrance with a smoke in his mouth snickering, "You dumbass! You and that clown finished it all! Just lookit, lookit all the empty bottles." Winston kicked one rolling over to Johnny.

"Hey guys...I think we have a problem..." Johnny said as he eyed Pony who was gazing down at the floor with his mouth slightly opened swaying some.

Twobit sat up, "Youuu better belieeve it! There's no more daaamn beer!"

Suddenly Ponyboy fell forward, lucky for him though his buddy Johnny caught him just in time. Dally's cigarette fell from his mouth, Steve gaped standing up. Twobit widened his eyes, "Ah shit. We're fucking dead."

Johnny hissed, "Help me will ya?!"

Dally went over to pick him up by the shoulders, Twobit slapped his face softly, "Hey kid! Kid! How boozed up are ya?"

Ponyboy mumbled, "Elvis?"

Steve snorted, "Definitely drunk! Haha-Fuck, ya'll better get him to the bathroom! I think he's gonna be sick!"

Dally and Johnny rushed to the bathroom, instantly Pony fell on his knees his head over the toilet emptying his stomach. Dally began to laugh as he rubbed young Curtis's back, "You are going to have one hell of a hangover tomorrow."

Just then the door opened. Everybody froze, it was Darry. His footsteps were heard stomping in the living room. Steve's eyes were wide hearing Darry's voice boom throughout the house, "The hell happened in here! Twobit!"

Twobit winced, "We are so doomed."

Dally pushed everyone out the bathroom, "Get your asses outta here!"

Darry appeared in front of them, "What is going on? Where's Ponyboy?"

Twobit chuckled nervously, "Er-you see...Uh-there might have been some-uh-problem..."

Steve elbowed him, "We have to go, my Grandma is expecting me so ba bye."

The big one grasped his bicep before he could leave, "You don't have a grandma _Steve_."

Sounds of Pony retching in the toilet made the Gang shut up. Darry narrowed his eyes, "Is he...Oh please tell me Pony isn't-"

Dally blurted out, "Drunk."

Darry angrily pushed his way through them opening the door fiercely, he saw his little brother wipe away at his mouth. Pony looked up grinning, "Fancy meeting you here."

"I suggest that you all leave right now before I beat your asses right now." Darry growled holding the bathroom's doorknob very tightly his knuckles were turning white, "Johnny, if you need to stay it's all right. I ain't mad at you."

Johnny scurried off into the kitchen, Dally quietly left the house his shoulders slumped, _Well that was fucking great_. Twobit pushed Steve to get out the door. Darry sighed, he kneed down to Pony's level. His brother's eyes were blood shot red, his mouth was covered in saliva. Darry got a rag and cleaned him up. Ponyboy, after vomiting all he could, sat back against the wall closing his eyes. _What the hell is wrong with me..._ Older Curtis came back from the kitchen with some aspirins and one cup of water.

"Take this."

Ponyboy shook his head slapping it away making the white pills fall to the ground, "I doon't wan it!"

Darry frowned, "Pony..." He warned.

"Just lemme alone..." Pony slurred.

"I swear to God Pony-"

"I don't wanna remembeeer! Is that tooo mush to ask foor?" Pony shouted frustrated.

Johnny over heard the argument, he was picking up the mess his buddies left. Darry furrowed his eyebrows together, "Remember? Remember what Pone?!"

Pony's lips began o tremble, "Today...Sodapop left. Doncha remember? He left! He fucking left." That's when he broke, sobs escaped him as his face crumpled up. Darry felt his heart break in two as he watched Pony cry right there in front of him.

"Oh little colt..." He wrapped his arms around his younger sibling. They're mother used to rock them back and forth to comfort her sons in a bad situation. Hum them a song to reassure them everything was ok. Unfortunately she wasn't there and Darry tried doing it, it worked a bit. Ponyboy calmed down with tears still sliding down his cheeks. Tears of pure despair.

Darry sighed sadly holding on to his brother with much force, Sodapop's sudden goodbye had left one big scar, especially on Ponyboy. It had left him hurt, alone and completely destroyed. And right at the moment it was proof of Soda's selfish decision.

Ponyboy sobbed, _Why'd you have to go and do that!_

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><p><strong>oOoOoOo<strong>

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><p><strong>(Sorry for any grammar mistakes)<strong>

**Thank you for all the reviews! I appreciate them very much. I hoped you enjoyed this new chapter.(:**


	18. Chapter 18

**.::I do not own The Outsiders::.**

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><p><strong>18. Something else to cry about.<strong>

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><p>Grounded. Yes, that was what Ponyboy was. <em>Grounded.<em> From the day he got drunk to the middle of August was when his punishment was lifted. Twobit, Steve and Dally had their punishment as well. One good Darry beating and an hour lecture of how they shouldn't even be giving Pony or Johnny any beer until they turned 18. Maybe 30. _They aren't like us! They're too young! Damn it guys! And I thought my brother didn't use his head!_ They were also not allowed to eat any chocolate cake for three weeks. Now that was something to really whine about. Darry had given him many chores to do every day, many errands. At first Pony was mad, _This is so ridiculous! _Afterwards he didn't mind. At least it took his mind off of his sadness.

September arrived and when the Greasers knew it, October was here. Another month to get depressed about. Especially when it turned October 8th.

Ponyboy glanced at the calendar while giving Darry his breakfast. The number stuck out the most. _Soda's birthday._ Darry noticed so he went over to him putting a hand on his shoulder. Ponyboy shrugged, another year Sodapop was gone on his special day. He decided to not care anymore, he let his hatred grow. It was his motor. He was tired of feeling like crap every time he remembered. He was tired of feeling hurt when he imagined Sodapop walk through the door finally coming back home. Ponyboy had it enough.

He was simply tired of it all.

So all he did was rip out the October month paper out of the calendar, crumple it and throw it out the trash. Darry was stunned at his action but didn't question it. Ponyboy turned to his brother smiling. That's when Darry relaxed a little, _Maybe he's gonna be fine now. He deserves to be._

That day everybody decided to hang out, Darry opted to go to the Drive in movies. Ponyboy was surprised, his brother barely got out as it is so this made him really happy. The gang thought it was a good idea so they went. Being who they were it didn't turn out as expected. Twobit got bored, Dally was goofing around and Steve joined in. People were beginning to shout for them to settle down. Darry was turning red from embarrassment, Johnny covered his face with one hand and Ponyboy laughed.

He was joyful, his friends were there still with him. They haven't changed which to Pony was very good. He was thankful. Thankful that even though Steve's heart was broken he was still strong enough to keep on moving. Thankful that Twobit was always cheerful lightening the mood whenever it was down in the clouds, for Dally showing his soft side to Pony, for Johnny being his best buddy always listening to his problems and for Darry loving him. Working hard to give Ponyboy a bright future.

The month of October was over to Pony's relief. November, snow started falling. More snow fights to win or lose. Shoveling the roads, drivers more responsible and careful. Ponyboy made some money shoveling his neighbor's driveways. That helped to save money for Christmas gifts. Darry also gave him some money for allowance every Sunday. It helped quite a lot.

School was tedious, Ponyboy was smart so he basically got straight As. One B on Algebra but Darry wasn't mad. He actually told his little brother how proud he was of him. That made Pony brighten up. It wasn't usual for Darry to compliment Pony. _Things are getting better. We're getting better..._

Some problem arouse in the beginning of December though. After school Ponyboy had to go to the library, Twobit wasn't around. He guessed he was probably having some hang over. Steve had to skip class for work. Johnny wasn't going to school anymore so that left him to walk alone. Two streets down he felt someone following him. He walked faster, footsteps of someone behind him were heard so he spun around quickly. There was Scott. His eyes were looking distant, glassy. His body looked tense and his hand were clutching something.

Scott scowled taking a step towards Ponyboy, "Sometimes I wonder..."Another step, "Why you filthy good for nothing Greasers," Another, "Are still here."

Ponyboy warily backed away, what the Soc was holding was a switchblade, "Whoa whoa, hey. Take it easy there."

The Soc wiped away some white looking substance from his nose, "Shut up! I didn't tell you to speak did I?...God damn, I should kill you right now..."

The boy winced, "K-kill me? If this is about Tanya? Man, I haven't talked to her. Really!"

Scott shouted, "I said shut up! No, this is not about that bitch! No. This is about how _you_ are still fucking alive while my brother is in Nam busting his ass just get home!"

That was a very strong revelation, Ponyboy understood now. Scott was drugged and telling him this because he was hurting. His brother also was gone. But only in this situation Scott's brother was forced to leave. And Scott didn't handle it well so his only escape were drugs. Ponyboy cringed imagining himself doing that, if he were weak like him he would have done the same thing. Sodapop had also left him alone. _But I made it. Or at least I'm trying to! Jesus Christ, I don't wanna die this way._

With another step forward Scott lashed out, Pony barely dodged the attack as he jumped backwards, still the small knife made contact with his skin. Falling on his side, The Soc spun around ready to do it again until someone grabbed him by the arm twisting it making him drop the switchblade and holler in pain.

"Pone! You all right?!"

Ponyboy sat on his bottom feeling something warm on his chest, he touched the spot and saw that his hand was covered in blood, "I-I don't think so Dal."

Dally could feel his face pale, "Shit shit shit. Hey! Somebody help!"

Scott struggled in Dally's hold, "Let me go you trash!"

Dally threw him on the ground punching his face, "There, you happy now?!"

Ponyboy was feeling light headed, Dally gave one more swing at Scott leaving him out cold on the ground. He went over to his young friend holding him, he shrugged off jacket putting it over Pone. A car stopped, it was one of Tim's boys. He immediately told Dally to get in. They drove to the hospital not caring for the speed limit. _Greasers stick together._

It was catastrophic, Darry left work in a hurry worried sick about Pony. Twobit sobered up quickly going to the hospital and Steve also abandoned his work just to see the kid he once thought was a pain in the ass. Dally picked up Johnny from his house ignoring the yells from his father, his mother on the other hand stayed silent. Mrs. Cade was acting strange this past year...

The doctor gave them the news, all Pony had was a large gash to which he had to put 6 stitches. Everybody was relieved, it was one mighty scare. Darry hugged his little brother so tightly he forgot about his wound. After that they made sure Scott was a far distance from the young Greaser. Tim had heard and sent some boys to give him a little...chat. That made Scott leave Pony alone. For now.

By January, year 1967, Ponyboy was free of stitches. It left a small scar. _Tuff._ That's what the gang had told him after seeing it healed. At school everybody knew, they knew that Ponyboy was attacked. That Scott was in the reformatory for some time. Socs didn't take that so well, bullying Pony was now their goal. Even if it was Scott's fault he was one of their own. Steve and Twobit along with other fellow Greasers acted like Pony's bodyguards. Curtis had to suck it up. He had no other choice, so he let it happen.

February was a short month. Nothing really exciting happened there. Except for Johnny. His father still was the same drunk abusive man who would sometimes beat the hell out of him. Johnny getting older now knew his ways to get out of those beatings. He learned how to treat his father so he wouldn't be yelled at. His mother though started acting differently. She made him food every once in a while but not directly. Some days when Johnny opened his door to his room there would be a plate on the ground freshly made. Hope began to rise inside of him like a balloon blowing little by little with everything his mom did. Maybe his mother could be the same when he was a small child. Loving, nurturing, _a mother again._

March first. Someone's birthday. Johnny's to be exact.

The day started out normal. Warm sunny morning, the Curtis brothers awakening to start a fresh new day, Darry invited Johnny over. He wanted to make him something delicious for his 18th birthday. Pancakes with chocolate chips, milk, bacon and Darry's small surprise: Ice Cream on the side. Johnny beamed at his great morning. Something else had also provoked a beam of happiness. So he shared it with his friends.

"M-my ma's acting real...different." Johnny spoke softly.

Darry and Pony stopped munching on their food giving each other a look thinking the worst, Johnny noticed and shook his head.

"No no nothing bad really. It's more like. Well, like I said. Different."

Darry asked, "How so?"

Johnny took a big gulp of his cold chocolate milk then, "She actually said to me 'Happy birthday' before I got here."

Ponyboy's mouth opened slightly, he'd never think that Johnny's mother could change even a bit. Her alcohol addiction was just as strong as his father's. Maybe she just had a change of heart. He smiled real happy for Johnny, he always yearned for affection from his folks and now..."That's great Johnny. Real great."

His tanned friend nodded slowly smiling wildly, Darry nor Pony had ever seen him so at ease, "It is ain't it?"

Twobit, Steve and Dally showed up later on. Turning eighteen was something to celebrate. As always Twobit brought in the booze. Ponyboy groaned remembering his drunken unfortunate moment so he passed. Darry joined, he had two days off for working very fine so far. He was celebrated at his work for being worker of the month. Dally slapped Johnny's back saying he was going to invite him to Buck's for the first time as a legal adult. Twobit piped in suggesting to take one of those very _overly friendly_ ladies to one of Buck's rooms for hugs and kisses.

Johnny blushed tomato red, "Jesus-Twobit shut up!"

Steve shrugged, "Experience makes you wiser. The more broads you get the more you know 'bout them women."

Dally snorted, "Says the one who hasn't gotten laid in months."

Randle flipped his off taking a big drink of his beer, Darry rolled his eyes muttering, "Horn dogs."

Ponyboy had given him a book. Both saw the movie but it had left out some details so he bought Johnny the book. Maybe he could read it when he had nothing to do, it was called _Gone with the wind._ The book was wrapped in red wrapping paper. Johnny received it with much joy. He thanked Ponyboy opening it very carefully, for him, this was beyond special.

The gang finally went to sleep snoring peacefully. Darry had told Johnny to stay over yet he refused. He wanted to go back home, he hoped maybe his mother was there to show more affection. Johnny waved goodbye leaving to his house. The moon was at its waning phase. Stars surrounded the moon twinkling brightly. He gazed at it for some moments enjoying the scene savoring the scene. His brown eyes twinkled as well, only he and Pony could relish these kinds of things. Johnny sighed contently quietly entering his house.

His father was in his room snoring loudly making him know that he was profoundly asleep. Just as he was tip toeing to his room a hand reached for his arm the lights of the kitchen barely on. Jumping from fright he let out a deep breath, "Christ! M-Ma?"

His mother's skinny figure appeared, her brown messy hair hung down to her shoulders, her eyes that she passed to her son sadly looked at Johnny. She was holding on to something in her hand pressing it to her chest. Johnny was puzzled by this. gulped shaking her hand away from his arm.

"My boy. My poor poor boy." She whispered in her raspy voice.

"W-what's wrong?" He asked getting suddenly fearful, he never heard her say those words with much distress.

"I'm sorry. So sorry." That's when she extender her arm giving him the object from her hand.

Johnny took it, in the dim light from the kitchen's light bulb he read words that would forever change his life. Words that would mean everything not only to him but for everyone. His heart beat fast against his chest, the palm of his hands began sweating. Tears were blurring his vision not even reading the whole thing. He didn't want to to anyway. Johnny understood perfectly what the paper mean.

His lips trembled as he slid down the wall trying to contain in his sobs, his mother stared down at the ground sadly. She kneeled down to his level patting his knee. That was her small way of wanting to make him feel better. Johnny took that small action of affection. He didn't care how meaningless it was, for him it was more than enough. He needed it.

The letter was still in his hands as he cried silently. _No. No. No...Oh God no...Please...Not this... Not this..._

**_To_**

**_Jonathan Cade:_**

**_You are hereby directed to present yourself for Armed Forces Physical Examination to the Local Board..._**

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><p><strong>oOoOoOo<strong>

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><p><strong>(Sorry for any grammar mistakes)<strong>

**Oh dear. So much angst. Sorry for all this, as I said before. All this happens for a reason. Gosh, I feel bad haha. Thank you for reviewing! Really, I appreciate it very much! **


	19. Chapter 19

**.::I do not own The Outsiders::.**

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><p><strong>19. Leaving him blind<strong>

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><p>Johnny opened the door to the Curtis's. It was around noon, he had one week left. One week before he left for his examination. One week to enjoy his friends, his life he was going to leave behind. One week to be himself. Already he was thinking the worst, <em>I could die..<em>. Ponyboy was on the couch with a notebook on his lap and a pencil in his mouth chewing it as he concentrated on finishing his homework. Darry wasn't home, he was at work. Only he and Ponyboy were alone.

His auburn haired friend put aside his things, Pony noticed Johnny's anxiousness. His eyes gave it off. The boy stood up walking towards Johnny feeling something come up. Something was wrong and he was going to find out soon enough. Johnny opened the door again gesturing him to go outside. Ponyboy didn't understand anything so he followed his friend.

They walked to the lot, there were no words exchanged. Only an awkward silence and the sound of their footsteps going down the streets. Even though Spring it was pretty chilly. Arriving, they sat down over a rundown car with no tires or windows. They gazed up at the sky, the sun was setting going lower and lower disappearing. The golden colors spreading through the sky leaving a purplish color on the clouds until only darkness was left. That's how Johnny was feeling, like his sunshine was taken away.

"Pone...I have something to tell you."

"Ok..."

Johnny cleared his throat feeling like his voice was about to break, "You know that-uh-you're the best bud anybody could ask for...And well you're someone I can always to talk to. I still remember the day we met."

Ponyboy's eyes widened, "You're scaring me man, what's going on?"

His lips trembled looking to him from the sky waiting for the right second to say it. A gust of wind blew against their bodies, Johnny shivered and ever so quietly he said, "I got sent to Nam Pone... I'm leaving in one week..."

_Sent to Nam..._

_Sent to Nam..._

Those words echoed louder and louder in Pony's head. He just stayed silent looking at Johnny in disbelief. His brain was trying to understand that information. A cold block of ice could be felt inside of Pony sliding down from his chest down to his stomach. _Johnny is...Going to Nam...War. That's where people go and die. People shoot each other. They die...Johnny's gonna...die! No no no no no! Christ! Not Johnny!_ Ponyboy finally reacted. He slid down the car holding Johnny by the arms shaking him roughly.

"No Johnny! Y-you can't! Please! Oh Johnny please! We gotta do somethin! Y-you can run away! Or or I don't know! Please Johnny!"

The tanned Greaser closed his eyes not wanting to see him break down. He didn't mean for this to happen, he whispered, "It's too late Pone..."

Ponyboy fell on his knees gripping the grass underneath his hands. Another painful thing to bear with, "No Johnny-" He sobbed. "Not you, please...You can't leave me too Johnny...You just can't..."

Johnny was on his knees as well wrapping his arms around Pony, _Damn it...Damn it..._ "Don't cry man...Please don't cry..." His own voice was breaking.

"I wouldn't know what to do if-if you die over there, man. I-I'll probably kill myself or somethin...You can't leave me Johnny Cakes."

"Don't say that Pone. Don't say it. I'll come back. I promise I'll try my hardest! I will Pony, just don't cry." He pleaded.

Yung Curtis kept on sobbing, he couldn't even catch his breath. It felt like someone punched him on the stomach with all their might leaving him with no air. No nothing. Ponyboy swallowed thickly shaking his head. First his parents, then his brother and now Johnny. His best buddy. His best friend. The person who he got along so well. His only friend who dug sunsets, star gazing, watching movies, going to church...Was going to leave. And maybe not come back at all. Now Pony had another gash on his mind, on his soul, on his feelings. It stung so badly. He wanted desperately to keep Johnny safe by his side. He could feel himself bleed internally. Feel his heart break again.

Johnny gritted his teeth so mad at life, so mad at the world. So mad at God for making himself and his friend suffer so much. _As if he hasn't had enough of this kind of bull! _For him this whole thing was unfair. He didn't want to go, he didn't want to leave. He wanted to stay, he wanted to live. Many stories from other Greasers coming back from Nam were horrible, how many people killed. All those people dead, all the blood spilled. Images filled his brain of him in that situation. It absolutely horrified him.

Ponyboy clutched on to his shirt for dear life still crying, "You better fucking try Johnny. You better..."

For an hour they held that pose, the sky was dark with the clouds covering up any stars. It was as if the sky was in mourn for the bad news understanding what they were going through. Later on it was time to head back home and break the news to everybody else. Johnny put his arm around Pony leading him to his house. The lights were on. Darry was sitting on his recliner watching the television but his mind was somewhere else. He was worried of his little brother. It was ten at night. Twobit was wrestling with Steve on the coffee table. Dally was smoking outside the end of his cigarette lighting up in the dark.

"There you are. Superman's getting all worried...Hey...What's wrong?" He asked seeing Ponyboy's red eyes sniffling. Johnny nodded for him to come inside.

Twobit grinned with victory, Steve grunted sitting down better not believing that Keith had actually won. Darry turned his head over saying in a stern voice, "Ponyboy. Where have you been? I asked the guys where...Pony? Something the matter?"

Steve and Twobit gave each other a look, Dally furrowed his eyebrows together confused. Johnny told Pony in a low voice to sit down. After some moments of silence when everybody was deathly quiet sensing something was going to happen Johnny spoke. Shuddering slightly he faced all of them with his head up high, he wanted to let them know he was going to face this as a man not as a boy. He was going to show them he was not afraid.

"I don't really know how to say this guys. Ya'll know you mean everything to me...We're Greasers. We always stick together."

Dally, "Johnny..."

"I got something yesterday in the mail..."

Darry stood up slowly from his recliner, "Oh no..."

"Something that-that's gonna change my life."

Twobit shook his head already fitting the pieces together, "No way..."

"I'm leaving in a week to-to..."

Steve shut his eyes, "Don't say it Johnny. Don't..."

"I'm going to Nam."

Ponyboy covered his face with his hands letting out a small sob. Dally was stunned, like a ton of brick walls falling on him. All his time knowing the eighteen year old Greaser he had promised himself to always protect Johnny and now he couldn't. He was leaving to somewhere that the Gang couldn't follow. Someone he loved as a little brother was going away. The possibilities of him coming back were slim. Dally clenched his jaw storming out of the house. Johnny lowered his head, _I'm sorry Dally._ Darry went over to Johnny putting his large hand on his fragile shoulder, "It's gonna be ok Johnny."

Johnny smiled weakly, "I sure hope so Dar."

Twobit's eyes were glassy with tears, "When-when did you receive the notice?"

"On my birthday at night."

Steve sighed, "This is just fucking great. Johnny, man. You better be careful over there. We can't lose another. We just can't."

Johnny nodded holding on to Pony, "I promise with all my might I'll try. I'm sure going to miss you."

"You have a week right?" Twobit asked wiping his eyes discretely.

"Yeah, next Thursday at eight I have to report myself at Oklahoma city. Darry, do you mind taking me there?"

Darry smiled, "Course not Johnny. You didn't even have to ask."

Ponyboy let out a deep shuddery breath, "Let's do something...I don't know..."

Twobit grinned, "How 'bout some friendly ladies?"

Steve snorted, "Is there anything else in that brain of yours that ain't chicks or booze?"

"There's Mickey Mouse too."

Johnny smiled, he watched as both of his friends argued on what to do. He was happy in that small moment. Even with the bad news given the Gang was trying to make things lighter. Trying so hard to get everyone happy even with the sadness lingering much.

When the day came when Johnny had to leave he was going to take a part of Pony with along with him. Soda had, it left Pony with a big gaping hole in his chest. Now...Johnny was leaving him one too, it was making him blind. Ponyboy didn't know how he was going to make it. Ponyboy gulped, it was gonna be tough to let Johnny go. It was going to take all his strength to get on with life as normal as he could with Johnny very far away.

Ponyboy straightened up, he had to live on. He had to, for his friends, for his brother and for Johnny. He was going to stay strong.

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><p><em>May 19th 1967<em>

_Seeing the date makes me think of all the time I have been gone away from home. Seems like ages that I have seen my family. Tulsa. Everything._

_Ive healed though. I feel much better. Like a big monster that's been following me has finally disappeared. That makes me feel so much better. I feel alive again. I can smile without having to feel this small sting in my heart. Sandy's long gone in my memories, the death of my folks is something I could also leave behind. I mean, they are better where they are. I still miss em like hell. _

_I've learned a lot in my journey, saved a lot of money to buy three mustangs and even a house. Maybe more._

_I know much better about cars, can build and rebuild one, handle a business of my own, I even got to ride horses in this man's ranch. Foals are much harder to take care of. They're stubborn little guys running around in the grass fields. They remind me of my little brother Ponyboy. _

_The man I'm working with, Mr. Hartley is such a good man. I met him when I first got here in Virginia. The place I stayed at the most. He's the owner of a huge ranch with beautiful looking mares and horses. Breeds them to make cash. I decided to work there and see what things I could learn, I still miss my horse Mickey._

_Boss and I with time got to be best buds. He knows everything about my past. His son died in Nam. He said I remind him of his son._

_He's given me a roof to live under for all my time that Ive been living here. Again, thank my angels up in the sky for this kind of good stuff in life. _

_Yesterday I was looking at a picture of my family and friends. One with Ponyboy and Darry. Guess I got sentimental...I started crying. God damn, I really missed my brothers. I really miss my friends. I miss everyone._

_Mr. Hartley told me if I should go back home. Go back to where I truly belong. After all this whole journey has been a great experience. My wounds healed. Like I said before. I feel alive. _

_I thought about it long and hard. Today, right now as Im writing, I have no doubts in what I had to do._

_I'm ready. I'm ready to go back home..._

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><p><strong>(Sorry for any grammar mistakes)<br>**

**Another update!(: Sad sad sad, I know, things are bound to get better. Somehow...  
>Finally, Sodapop is going back home...<strong>

**Thank you for reviewing!(: **


	20. Chapter 20

****~The chapter you have all been waiting for! Enjoy!~****

**.::I do not own The Outsiders::.**

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><p><strong>20. Ka-boom goes the bomb<strong>

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><p>As Johnny had said, he left a week later to report himself. In those days left of the week in Tulsa the gang had tried very hard to make it worthwhile. Dally had been detaching from them, he was getting the sadness out of his system his own way. He drank at Buck's until he could remember no more, slashed tires just for the hell of it and two days before Johnny's departure he was hauled into the Police Station. Darry had the emergency bail money, Johnny spoke to Dally in private afterwards. He knew Dally was taking it very hard like Ponyboy, when they were at the Curtis's house outside the porch alone Johnny took the opportunity to talk.<p>

"You gotta stop this Dal."

Dally shook his head, "I just can't believe this man. I just fucking can't." He just couldn't imagine little Johnny Cakes in a situation so violent, he felt he needed to stay by Johnny's side to protect him. To care for him.

Johnny sighed, "I'm leaving soon Dally. Please promise me something before I leave. You have to."

Winston swallowed thickly not allowing himself to break even a little so he nodded.

"Don't do anything stupid while I'm out there. Everybody's had a rough time. You need to be with them. Remember, Greasers stick together...And please take care of Pony. He don't get a lot too well with the others like with me. He needs someone to be there when I can't... Can you do that for me?"

Dally smeared his hand to his face not believing the words that were coming out of his mouth, "I promise, man. I promise."

The day Johnny had to leave was here. Before he left though his mother had stopped him by the entrance door giving him one soft hug. Johnny's eyes widened surprised. She'd last hug him when he was only maybe three. Mrs. Cade caressed his cheek. That moment will never fade away from the tanned Greasers mind ever. It was something so unexpected and so touching. She had a small sad smile.

"I'm so sorry my boy. I really am."

"It's ok Ma. I'll come home soon."

"I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about the way I've behaved with you."

He looked down at the floor, "Awe Ma..."

His mother lifted his chin, "Your eyes Jonathan... Your eyes are what helped me. They remind me of my brother. He died long before you were born."

Once their moment was over Johnny had to go, he hopped into Darry's truck along with Pony to the city where he had to attend. Steve followed behind in his car with Twobit and Dally. It was a long ride that consisted of an hour, Ponyboy cherished those sixty minutes beside his buddy. Johnny had a serious expression on his face though. Just thinking of going off to Nam was terrifying. Dally stared out the window, _Damn it Johnny. Damn it God. You better bring Johnny home. You better._

Darry gripped the steering wheel tightly . Even though Johnny wasn't really his blood brother he was one to Darry. Johnny would always be his brother in the inside and for him to leave was saddening. Twobit chewed on his nails, he didn't want another member gone. He didn't want Johnny to die there. Steve drove carefully his mind on everything. On Johnny, on Twobit, on Darry, Dallas and Pony. The weakest one to probably break was Pony. _Poor kid. I could never imagine my buddy going to Nam. But hell, Soda running away is almost the same. He could be dead by now. Stupid Sodapop. Stupid military calling on Johnny. Stupid life. Why the fuck is God so cruel. Why us? We've lost so damned much. Now this..._

Unfortunately the Greasers had pulled in. There were buses waiting for the many young men to be departured off to Vietnam. Johnny lifted his small duffel bag standing straight, standing confidently. Darry was the first one to hug him hard, "Just come home Johnny."

Next was Twobit whose eyes were close to crying, "You know what else sucks 'bout this? They're gonna cut you're tuff hair."

Johnny frowned, "Gee thanks for reminding me."

Twobit grinned, "I'm gonna make fun of you when you come back with your bald head."

Steve cleared his throat his hands in his pockets, "We're sure gonna miss you, man."

"Me too Steve. It will be hard but I'll make it. I have to."

Dally ruffled Johnny's hair, then he glanced over the small building where he was supposed to enter. "You sure you don't want to run away? Maybe we could-"

"Dally..."

"I know I know. Johnny, kick ass over there and come home."

Ponyboy was last. His eyes were already filled with tears as he smiled sadly as his friend, "I'm gonna write to you every day I can ok? Be careful Johnny. You promised you'd try. You better try your God damned hardest Johnny. Please."

Johnny gulped, "I will Ponyboy. I will. I'll write back too. Hey, I brought the book you bought for me. Thanks again for that."

The Greaser turned around forcing himself to head towards the small building. He waved a goodbye to everybody with his eyes on the verge of tears but blinked them away fast. He disappeared as he entered. They stayed there until the buses drove off to their destination. It was so heart breaking seeing another one of the gang leave. Ponyboy stared ahead praying feverishly in his mind for Johnny to come back home safe. And soon.

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><p><em>Dear Ponyboy,<em>

_Already a month in training and golly it's pretty hard. They make us run and run none stop. The food is nasty. How I wish I could have a burger or some pizza. Eat some for me will ya?_

_The guys are pretty tuff. Some I recognize from Shephard's gang. Some are Socs. But here we're all the same. I made some friends but none like you. I really miss you guys. _

_I can't see sunsets here but I can see the sunrise. _

_I've been reading __**Gone with the Wind. **__I like it so far. Book seems nice. It has some war stuff in it so I guess that helps._

_How's everybody doing? Being the middle of May I think everybody's hanging out more since school is almost over. I wrote a letter to my Ma. I hope you don't mind giving it to her. Last time I saw her she hugged me. I'll never forget it. _

_Looks like I hafta go. Take care Pony. I'll be back as soon as you know it. _

_~Johnny_

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><p>Ponyboy received many letters like that for another month. Already being June with another school year done he re-read the past letter from his pal tucking them away in a box he painted especially for that he had under his bed. Anytime he missed or thought of Johnny he would simply re-read them making him feel better. Darry was at work like every Thursday. Twobit with Steve were at the DX until their shift ended and Dally... well he was off in his own business. Ponyboy turned on the television after making dinner. There was nothing good going on.<p>

He opened a book but quickly got bored by that too. The time was exactly five thirty seven. Pony groaned in frustration not knowing what to do. An idea popped into his head. Grabbing a piece of paper he scribbled down some words and stuck it on the refrigerator. Going into his room he packed into a small backpack a bottle of water and put on his tennis shoes and was running out the door. It slammed shut. An hour passed, the house was silent. It never was before. When Mr. and Mrs. Curtis were still alive the house was alive as well. Having three boys was no easy task especially with the rest of their friends practically living there too. The house was always noisy with the sounds of the boys laughter or Mrs. Curtis's voice singing as she played the piano or Mr. Curtis's laugh booming joyfully. Now it was silent taking all that away with them. They died tragically, Sodapop left and Johnny got sent to Nam.

The house was dead.

An hour later Darry was home, he called out for Pony but got no response. Instead of looking for him he decided to go take a quick shower. When he got out there was Twobit and Steve on the couch arguing over some broad that they saw at the DX. He rolled his eyes changing into his pajamas. Darry went into the living room turning on the television. News of Nam were on. He frowned turning it off instantly thinking of Johnny making his stomach do a flip. Twobit stretched his arms putting his legs on top of the coffee table.

"Say, what's for lunch Superman?"

Darry was already in the kitchen, "I don't know. Pony made dinner. Twobit get your disgusting feet of my coffee table before I beat your ass."

"Hey! I took a shower this morning!"

Steve snorted, "No you didn't. That was yesterday you filthy pig!"

"Oh yeah."

Outside, a taxi parked nearby. The door opened a person getting out. He paid the taxi driver. With two bags on each of his side this person took in a deep breath many memories crashing down. He smiled contently. _I'm, back home._ He saw the house,_ his _house. The lights were on and very familiar voices inside. He walked towards it slowly. The person stepped up the porch steps one by one his heart racing not knowing how his friends or brothers would react. It was just as scary as exciting. Just as he was about to knock the door opened widely.

"Be right back I'm going to get some bu-bu...Jesus effin Christ..."

The person smiled, "Hey Twobit."

"But-I-You-What?... Soda?"

"That's me."

Twobit was dumbstruck. He never ever thought that in a million years Sodapop would show up so...So unexpectedly. And on that day. Steve shouted annoyed, "Twobit close the damn door! Mosquitoes are getting inside!"

"I-uh-guys. I kinda have something...Someone to show you." Twobit said uneasily.

Opening the door wider Sodapop Patrick Curtis was shown. Steve, who had a slice of cake in his mouth, stopped chewing. He swallowed what was left of it and stared at the long lost Soda he had dreaded for. There was some utter silence. Twobit closed the door as Sodapop walked inside putting his bags down. The expression on Steve's face was of pure shock.

"Hey Stevie. Pretty surprised huh?"

Darry's voice sounded from the kitchen, "Hey Steve! You want some spaghetti?" The oldest Curtis had a plate in his hands as he stepped out and saw who was in the living room. He stopped on his tracks. The plate fell from his hands making it shatter into pieces. Sodapop winced hearing it break and looked at his brother, he smiled again. The room got tense. Twobit stayed silent now really knowing what to do.

"Darry..."

"S-Soda? Sodapop?"

"The one and only."

Steve stood up from the couch, his eyes were on Soda. He noticed how he hasn't changed much. Sure, his hair a bit longer but Greased as always. His eyes had the usual shine but he was taller. Same as his own height, his muscles were bigger. Steve's friend was back and smiling like nothing ever happened. This maddened him. Suddenly in one fast move his fist collided with Soda's face making him stumble backwards.

Sodapop rubbed his jaw, "Owe...Guess I deserved that..."

Steve growled, "And more you stupid bastard! What? You think you could just come like this and expect us to be all happy?! Welcome you with wide arms? Well you got something coming-"

Darry intervened, "Stop. Steve, this ain't going to solve anything. Just calm down." He turned to Sodapop, "Soda I-"

"It's ok Dar. I really didn't know you guys were gonna react. I did deserve that though. I woulda done the same thing."

Even though mad Darry took one step towards his brother and wrapped his arms around him although he wanted to strangle him for leaving, for running away. He put aside the anger, him missing his middle brother and for him to come back was a much stronger feeling. Steve sat on the couch fuming, _Fucking bullshit_. He wasn't so comprehending as Darry. Twobit sat next to him not knowing how he felt. Darry held him by the shoulders scanning everything. It was true, Soda was still the same except now, he has grown up.

The door flew open with the youngest Greaser walking inside tiredly, Steve crossed his arms amused of what was going to happen next. Under his breath he muttered, "And ka-boom goes the bomb..."

Ponyboy was breathing hard as he let his small backpack drop to the floor not noticing anything strange, "Hey Dar. I left a note on the fridge saying I was gonna take a run. Gosh I'm so tired. I'm going to take a shower."

Sodapop's eyes twinkled seeing his brother walk to the bathroom, in a soft tone almost whispering, "Pony."

Ponyboy froze, he recognized that voice. He knew it so well. After almost two years that voice was engraved into his brain. His head spun slowly as his eyes widened. There, next to Darry was Sodapop Curtis. His middle brother he had yearned to see. The brother who had caused such great pain. The person he thought would never abandon him was there, present. Pony blanched suddenly the air felt harder to breath in.

Pony backed away not believing he was actually there, _He's not supposed to be here. Soda's gone. He ran away! _His heart beat fast against his chest excitedly, _He's back..Soda's back!_ Then he remembered all he suffered from his absence. Those days he wouldn't stop crying or feel like shit, those days he felt like simply dying without Sodapop thinking how cruel he was to abandon his family and friend. Instantly the excitement faded as rage was replaced. Anger flashed in his eyes while shaking his head furiously, "Is this some kind of joke?!"

Sodapop was taken aback, "Ponyboy." He put a hand on his own chest, "It's me. It ain't a joke. I'm back home..."

"_Oh!_ Am I supposed to feel all better now? You think that's gonna make things all _better_?!" Pony spat.

Soda started walking towards him, "Pony I-"

His younger brother pointed a finger at him signaling to stop, "Shut up! Just shut up... I don't want to see you right now. I don't even know why you bothered to come back." With that said Ponyboy ran out slamming the door behind him.

Steve snickered at Soda, "Welcome fucking home."

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><p><strong>oOoOoOo<strong>

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><p><strong>(Sorry for any grammar mistakes)<strong>

**Thank you for reading and reviewing! Make me real happy!(: **


	21. Chapter 21

**.::I do not own The Outsiders::.**

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><p><strong>21. Love turns to hate.<strong>

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><p>Sodapop's mouth was 'o' shaped completely shocked by his brother's outburst. And not in a good way. He thought Ponyboy was going to be happy. Joyful that he came back. Sure, he'd expect Steve to be pissed but not Pony. Not his baby brother. This hurt him so much he could feel his heart sink. Steve barked out a laugh as he clapped his hands together. Twobit nudged his ribs for him stop. Darry closed his eyes smearing his face with his hand, somehow he knew something like this could happen. He didn't miss the signs Pony gave off throughout these two years.<p>

"Well well well, shall we throw a party now?" Steve asked mockingly.

"Lay off Steve." Darry sternly said.

The door opened again with all heads turning to see who it was, Dally came inside with his thumb pointing behind him, "Saw the kid running looking pretty pissed. What the hell happened?" He whistles lowly when he saw Soda in the living room now getting everything, "Well I'll be damned...That really you Soda?"

"Hey Dally." Sodapop murmured as his shoulders slumped.

"Holy shit! We thought you were a real goner... No wonder the kid is off his rocker.

Soda sighed sitting down on the edge of the couch, "Don't remind me."

"Awe c'mon Soda. You should of known that Pony would be like that. I mean seriously, who the fuck leaves like that? Ya shoulda seen him, looked like a zombie when you left-" Dally was getting annoyed with Soda, _Seriously, is he being stupid or acting?_

Darry exhaled loudly, "Enough. Soda, why don't you go to your...old room. Twobit, can you go look for Pony for me? Steve, why don't you walk around or something to cool off. Dally, if you're planning to stay, keep quiet 'cause you sure have a way with words."

Dally smirked, "My talent, I guess."

Steve sauntered out the door grumbling some words with Twobit by his side, "Un-fucking believable."

Twobit bit his bottom lip thinking where would Pony ran off to. He was so unpredictable with being who he was. _Maybe the library...But it's closed. Running away again? Nah. The park? Maybe. Maybe... God damn this!_ Frustrated he kicked something on the ground towards the road breaking. Steve kept following Twobit who decided to go look in the park first. Keith was also thinking of Sodapop's arrival. Sure he was happy for him to finally be back home but also irate like everyone else. He didn't even really say the reasons of why he ran away, only leaving just one lousy note. It also angered him that the whole gang suffered because of it. Especially Ponyboy. It broke his heart to had seen him so distraught.

"You know, even if you do fine the kid you're not gonna bring him back home that easily." Steve interrupted his thoughts.

Twobit nodded, "I know. I know. This whole thing is a mess. Johnny going to Nam, Pony alone again. And with Soda coming back it made things more shittier instead of getting everything better."

"What? Was Ponyboy supposed to cry in joy, dance around and be fucking happy? 'Course not," He snorted, "I'd hate Soda too."

"Whoa whoa. _Hate? _Isn't that a little too harsh?"

Steve shrugged as he glanced around in the park, "Nope. After what Pony went through I'm surprised there wasn't a punching fest."

The side burned greaser couldn't imagine those two brothers fighting. Ever since he met them he noticed how their brotherly relationship was unique in a way that they both knew what the other was thinking or if one was troubled or not. _Born by the hip._ Now, apparently that had all changed and now hatred was replaced. Their relationship down the drain.

Steve pointed at the park's water fountain where Pony was on his knees looking down at the water lost in his own mind.

"Pone."

Young Curtis responded, his hand in the cold water. "What Twobit."

"...What you doing?"

"Seriously? That's how you're gonna persuade me to talk?"

Steve grinned, "It's either talk now or face your beloved brother back at home."

Ponyboy frowned at the mention of Sodapop, he was in no mood to see him. Twobit noticed his expression and sat down on the edge of the fountain, "I now you're pissed off Pony, but you have to face this now or later."

Ponyboy stared at Keith, it was weird when he got so serious. It wasn't like him, he was usually the one to joke around never taking things seriously. This was really taking a toll on everyone. Pony gazed up at the sky wishing he had Johnny to talk to but he was thousands miles away fighting for his life. He also wished his Mom and Dad were alive, they'd know a solution to all this. _If they were alive none of this would be happening in the first place. _Steve slapped his back gently perceiving his emotions. Something softened in Steve.

"Even though I'm also royally pissed at your God damned brother I agree with bird brain over here."

Twobit pushed him playfully, "I am older so I have more knowledge unlike you two young ones..."

Ponyboy barked out a laugh, "Cut the crap Twobit. You barely made it out of high school!"

"Barely! Still I graduated so HA! I suggest you obey me. Remember, respect your elders _child!_ That includes you too Steve."

"Oh, I'll you show some respect-"

Ponyboy stood up wiping his wet hand on his sweater. What Twobit has said was true. He had to face this now because If he waited for later everything would get much worse. Narrowing his eyes at the directions to his house, _I'm going back but not for Soda. Only for Darry. He's probably worried sick. And because I live there..._ Steve gripped his shoulder reassuringly, "You can stay at my place if you want."

Shaking his head, "Thanks but I have to do this. Twobit, I'll walk alone if you don't mind. I have to clear my head before heading inside."

Steve and Twobit looked at each other, they agreed silently. No Socs in sight, his house was real close so they guessed it was okay for him to walk alone. Randle gestured for Twobit to go, Pony gave them a small smile thanking them. The two Greasers ended up at a bar forgetting everything for a short while until morning. Curtis slowly made his way home in no hurry. Nervousness filled his stomach as well as anger when the image of Sodapop in the living room swirled in his mind. That combination was not well.

_Why did he even bother to come back? Does he think I'm gonna forgive him for leaving me? Does he think I was going back to the old days just cause he suddenly appeared?_ He was thinking of what he was going to say, his reaction, Sodapop's point of view. Pony made a mental note to write very early in the morning tomorrow to tell the news to Johnny. He needed his friend's opinion. _Golly Johnny, you have no idea how much I need you right now._

Reaching the familiar porch steps walking up to the door he took a deep breath calming himself down. Inside the lights were on as two low voices coming from the living room. Twisting the doorknob he opened the door making a low creak.

Darry and Sodapop, who had been talking for the past hour in the kitchen, snapped their heads around seeing their younger brother going into the living room plopping himself on the couch. Darry took a minute before clearing his throat gaining attention. Ponyboy was ready to face this, he arched an eyebrow upwards as Darry began speaking in a calm tone with a hint of anxiousness.

"It's obvious we need to talk about this. The three of us. Things need to be explained. But we need to be calm," Darry sighed seeing his younger brother's scowl, "I am just as surprised as you are Pone which is why we are going to talk this out."

Sodapop didn't take his eyes off of Pony, he was as nervous as everybody else in the room so he started, "Pony, you're probably upset because I showed up like this."

Ponyboy contained in his frustration a little longer until it was his turn to talk.

"And yeah, it was very wrong for me to run away. It was just something I had to do. You wouldn't understand."

His younger brother gritted his teeth, _Maybe if you had told me I would!_

"I decided to come back home," Soda paused for a moment, "I thought you would be thrilled to see me again..."

Those last words were what made Pony snap, "Happy? _Happy?_ Holy shit Sodapop! Did you really think I would be _happy _to see you again_?_ After all this time?"

Soda winced at his harshness, "I-I-"

"Well surprise surprise! I'm not! It's the complete opposite..."

Darry pressed his lips into a straight line knowing what his little brother was about to say.

"I hate you," Ponyboy growled.

Sodapop's mouth slightly opened, his eyes got teary repeating Pony's words in his head once then twice.

_I hate you. I hate you. I hate you._

He looked down at the floor feeling like someone had thrown him a bucket of ice cold water over his body. He couldn't believe his brother had said that. His baby brother who he loved dearly _hates_ him. The boy who came back from the hospital in his mother's arms loving him looking up at him loving him instantly as he stared down at those big green eyes. His brother Ponyboy Curtis, hated him.

Soda swallowed a lump in his throat, standing up the sound of the chair scraping was the loudest thing in the house. He averted his eyes from Pony and ran to his old room closing the door quietly. Darry stood there torn between going to Soda or staying with Pony. It was such a painful debate. In the end, Pony waved him off letting him know he could go after Soda. He didn't care being alone, he was used to it by know.

Darry sighed sadly seeing how everything has ended up. When he got inside Soda's room Ponyboy sat on the couch placing his face into his hands. The look on Soda's face after he had revealed his feelings made him feel somewhat bad but he also felt glad. He groaned, _he just had to come back. After all I went through... I was finally getting better he had to come back..._

Wiping his eyes furiously with his arm, Pony hurried to his room. He could hear the voices of his brothers as he passed by talking fervently. Shutting the door he slid down to the floor. A storm took over his mind and soul. Tears finally slid down his cheeks. Pony had finally been able to pick up the pieces Soda left shattered and now they were scattered again. The love Pony used to have towards Soda which was more than he could show had faded away.

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><p><strong>oOoOoOo<strong>

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><p><strong>(Sorry for any grammar mistakes)<strong>

**Poor Soda. He had this coming anyway. Let's see what happens next...**

**Thank you for the reviews!**


	22. Chapter 22

**.::I do not own The Outsiders::.**

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><p><strong>22. Said no regrets but it's hard not to feel any remorse<strong>

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><p>The next couple of days were hard. Darry wanted Sodapop to feel comfortable in the house. Sure, he still had some anger hidden inside but he had to push that aside in order for his brothers to be somewhat stable in the house. Steve didn't come by anymore. His pride was bigger. Twobit was acting as the peace maker, he didn't want more down falls in the gang. They had about enough so why bring more problems? Dally wasn't excited about Soda's return yet he still stopped by every then and now. Pony had written to Johnny as soon as he could.<p>

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><p><em>Dear Johnny,<em>

_You won't believe who showed up at our house... Ta-da! Sodapop._

_Yeah, he finally returned. After almost two years the asshole of my brother comes back unexpectedly. No, I ain't happy. Not one bit. I would have preferred for him to not even come back at all. Things were getting better. Well some, I mean you did leave. That's a huge bummer. _

_I wish it were you here instead of Soda. Sounds cruel. I know but I like you better. You wouldn't have left me like he did. You're my best buddy. My friend, someone I can really talk to._

_I told Soda I hated him. I do hate him Johnny. I won't ever forgive him for leaving me. For abandoning me. _

_The gang handles it well I think. Steve didn't, he kind of punched Soda in the face when he first saw him. Twobit told me. Dally I think doesn't care. Twobit, he's trying really hard to lighten the mood and Darry... He's okay I guess. I can tell that he's happy, it kind of makes me mad but whatever._

_I miss you Johnny Cakes. More than you will ever know. I hope you're doing all right. Please come home soon. Don't do anything stupid, pay attention and stick close to your friends. Write back as quickly s possible. I really REALLY wish you were here. _

_Take care._

_Your friend, Ponyboy._

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><p>Two weeks later Sodapop asked Darry where Johnny was, he hadn't realized he was even missing. Ponyboy was in the kitchen table eating dinner when the question was asked. He stopped chewing feeling sick now. Darry gulped down his bite and sighed. Ponyboy frowned, he had lost his appetite for being reminded where Johnny was. He stood up going to his room slamming the door. Darry told Sodapop that he was sent to Nam in March.<p>

"Jesus Christ..." Sodapop whispered.

"It's tough for us but we're hoping he'll get back safe and sound next year."

"I didn't know...How...I thought he was still in school?"

"He dropped out last year."

Soda winced remembering when he decided to drop out. Pony had not taken it too well with his decision. _Heh, I think everything I decide to do is wrong in the end._ Steve still wouldn't say a word to Soda. His friendship had also gotten down the gutter. Resentment still invaded his chest. He worked double shifts evading the Curtis house, he sometimes saw Ponyboy walking home from school so he would offer a lift home and that's as close as he would get.

One day Sodapop was on the porch smoking, Steve had given Pony a ride. Twobit was with them too chattering away about how he had a date with a girl named Kathy. Steve made a face when he saw Soda. Dally sauntered by nodding a hello to middle Curtis. He grinned at the rest telling them if they wanted to have a night out.

"Let's hunt for some action in town." He suggested.

Twobit nodded excitedly, "Count me in!"

Steve shrugged, "Sure. I got the day off today."

Ponyboy smirked, "No bars though. Darry would skin me."

Sodapop flicked his finished cigarette on the ground hearing them make plans. It hurt him that Dally didn't bother to ask him to join them. He frowned sadly as they made their way out the gate. Pony quickly ran back into the house throwing his backpack on the couch then writing down a small note telling Darry where he'd be in case he got back from work eraly. Finally he went back to the Greasers disappearing down the street. Sodapop sighed going inside. He sat on the couch putting aside Pony's backpack. _I never imagined this happening. Ever. _

Later in the day he was bored to death so he decided to walk around. He managed to walk to the DX, his old work place. He got an idea. Getting inside he saw his old boss, Shane, who was done talking to someone in his office. When Shane turned around his eyebrows went upwards surprised to see Sodapop.

"Sodapop? Sodapop Curtis?" He asked bewildered.

"Shane. How have you been?"

"Well I-I-what bring you back here? Steve told me you had ran away with a-erm," Shane coughed awkwardly, "Some guy."

Sodapop was confused, "A guy?"

Shane scratched his neck, "You know. A guy. You."

Soda's eyes widened knowing what he was trying to say, "No! No no no. He told you that?"

"Yeah. D-don't be ashamed. I mean-"

"No! I'm not...Look, I had my reasons to leave Tulsa but I didn't leave with some guy!"

"Oh," Shane sighed in relief, "I wonder why Steve lied..."

_Asshole,_ Soda thought. "I came by to ask if I could have my job back, I need cash right now and I got nothing else to do at home."

"Course you can my boy! I have Steve and this young man named Keith working. I need you though, Keith isn't useful with cars. Only in the cash register or pumping gas. I could use another mechanic like you."

"Keith? Twobit?! Holy shit..." _I'd never think I get to see the day Twobit Mathews actually work. I sure missed a lot of stuff here. _

"Yes, I'll insert your shift with them. It could be like old times!"

Soda rolled his eyes, "Sure, old times."

"Then it's settled, four days a week. You start on Monday." Shane went off to his office to check up on paperwork.

Sodapop left satisfied to know he at least had better things to do now instead of lazing around at home doing absolutely nothing. Or being ignored. The sky was cloudy, a probable rain night. Going back home he saw Ponyboy go up the porch stairs. The gang had already finished they're afternoon together. Sodapop sighed, he wished so much for his brother to love him back. For Ponyboy to forgive him and be back to his old self. In the kitchen, Pony sipped on a glass of water glancing at the living room where Soda had sat down. He wiped his mouth as he sat on a chair. His anger hasn't flickered away one bit. It only grew each day seeing Sodapop so calm.

"So, whose turn is it do make dinner?" Soda asked nonchalantly.

Ponyboy frowned, "I think it's mine. Don't get your panties in a bunch, I'll make it already."

Sodapop shook his head stopping him, he wanted to start a light conversation but it turned out bad, "No! No. I was just asking. I'll make. Don't worry."

Young Curtis scowled, "What? Now you're going to do everything so you could look good in front of me?"

Soda sighed again this time a little irritated, "No Pony. I just thought it would be a good idea."

"Yeah well it ain't. I'll do it."

Middle Curtis cursed in his mind, he wanted to do help out more. Show that he really does care and is sorry for his mistake. But Pony was making it hard. Actually, the whole gang except Darry was making it hard for him. Soda laid his head back against the couch closing his eyes. He felt like total shit. Opening one eye he could see Pony take out some ingredients from the fridge and cabinets. Pots over the stove, his hands making food. His heart ached remembering the days where both of them pitched in for dinner. They would play around laughing having fun. How Pony would look at his brother with those green loving eyes. Tears sprung to his eyes so he blinked them away.

Half an hour later Ponyboy was done, "There. You happy now?"

Soda sadly nodded, "Thanks."

The next day, Friday, Ponyboy was laying on his bed staring up at the ceiling. Lately he wasn't in the mood for anything but just curl up in bed and sleep. Sleep to forget. Life wasn't getting any easier. Apparently it gave Ponyboy blows so hard he kept falling, even when he stood up again from those blows another one would hit and make him slip. Right now he was trying to get up again. The day went by fast, around eight at night he was anxious. The walls seemed to get closer around suffocating him. He needed to get out. Putting on his shoes Pony walked to the entrance door. Sodapop was in the kitchen drinking a beer, he saw his brother leave.

"Hey! Wait. It's kind of late, where are you going?"

"Out." Pony slammed the door and left not caring when he glanced at Soda's hurt expression.

Home wasn't home anymore. It felt wrong. Nothing was the same. Everything was simply strange. The gang wasn't the same. Sodapop was back home, _But he screwed things up. _Ponyboy just couldn't get rid of that resentment. It was eating him up. He really did want to forgive Sodapop yet he was always reminded of how broken he was. How miserable he had been, his nightmares getting bad each day. How Darry was working more just to forget, Steve also working double shifts, Twobit drinking more, Dally being more at Buck's and Johnny well he was strong. Stronger than anyone. He was the only one who was trying to make everyone feel better in his own discrete way by listening to everyone's complaints. Especially Pony. Which is why he missed his best friend.

Strolling by some more a certain Greaser caught sight of him. With a mischievous idea in his head he sneaked up and pinched Pony's side making him jump with a loud yelp. Angrily rubbing his pinched sides he groaned annoyed, "What the hell Dally?!"

Dally grinned walking along beside him, "Serves you right for walking by your lonesome. Say, what are you doing?"

"Just walking. Is that a crime or somethin?" Pony mumbled.

"Don't get so wise ass with me kid. I'm being nice here. Meh, that's what I get for looking out for you."

Pony sighed, "Sorry."

"You should be home, it's not safe being alone no more. Especially you."

"What are you talking about?"

Dallas got out a pack of smokes offering one to Pony who had taken it gladly, lightening it up he talked, "Scott. He got out of reformatory earlier than he was supposed to. That's what happens when one has Soc parents. Money talks."

"Oh. I'm guessing he wants to take a swing or two at me."

"That would be better but I heard he wants to finish what he started."

Curtis's face went pale, the smoke inhaled by his cigarette got caught in his throat to which he started choking, Dally smacked his back, "Breath, man!"

With a raspy voice Pony asked, "So am I on his death list?"

"Don't sweat it kid, I got your back. Tim's already informed, we got this covered. I just need to tell Darry and Soda-"

Pony shook his head, "No!...I mean no. Don't tell Soda."

Dally flicked his smoke at a nearby puddle of dirty water, "Hell in paradise?"

"There ain't no paradise. Never was."

"Kid, your brother's back and you can't do jack shit about it. Either accept it or stop bitching around. I thought you were more mature."

Ponyboy glared at him, "You don't know nothing. You, Darry and Twobit think it's easy to just get over this and act like everything is normal again. Well it ain't. Nothing is! He abandoned me Dally. Left. Every day I kept on imagining he would come bursting through that door and-and say he was sorry to come back but now... I don't know. Home just ain't home no more."

"Is that how you're going to be with Johnny? Huh? You're gonna hate him too for leaving you?" Dally frowned.

"It ain't the same! Johnny didn't want to... He'd never leave me. Us."

Dally took out another smoke, "I get you kid, I do. I'm mad at Soda too ya know. He's stupid for believing that he coming back was gonna get things repaired and shit was he wrong. With Steve ignoring him and you doing what you're doing. Heh, serves him right. But Pone, he's back. You hafta move on, man. Let go. Like I said before, accept it. Forgive and forget."

Ponyboy gazed up at the night sky as each of Dally's words echoed in his mind, _Forgive and forget. _"Maybe Dally. Maybe one day..."

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><p>Sodapop was in his room sitting on the edge of the bed looking at some pictures. One by one he observed them. Some of the whole gang, others of his family. His brothers. Memories stacked up in a small blue box he got from the basment. He held one closely to him, one when he was about six years old grinning wildly as he held on to his three going to four year old brother. <em>Ponyboy.<em> He was smiling broadly his small chubby hands waving a hello to the camera. It made his heart sink.

Thinking of his decision of running away he was recalling the words he had once written in his diary saying he didn't regret getting away from home. He didn't think twice about leaving. All he thought was about himself and his wound that Sandy had created. Clenching his jaw Sodapop shook his head, _I'm such a shit head, a fucking selfish shit head._ Soda had a wound he wanted to heal but his departure also created wounds on the rest. Particularly on Ponyboy. A wound so big it was still fresh and Soda noticed it as bright as daylight.

His brother wouldn't even talk to him, acknowledge him if they were in the same room. He was bothered every time Soda tried to reach out for him. Their brotherly relationship that was once so special had disintegrated over the past two years. The picture in Soda's hands slipped landing on the floor. His elbows rested on his knees as his shoulders shook. A deep sob emerged from his chest, a real saddened sob. Tears slid down his cheeks really feeling miserable.

He took those words back, he _did regret_ leaving. He wished he could go back in time and never have left. He lost so much in the process, his best friend Steve, Darry's warm look was now almost cold, Twobit's usual joking attitude and mostly Pony's love. Sodapop yearned for that bond with Pony. The old one where he would talk to him about everything. His laughter, his smile, his everything. All he received now was the cold shoulder. Not even a whole sentence from him.

Sodapop grabbed his diary from his journey and flung it across the room the diary making a loud thump against the wall. Sodapop ignored Darry's knocks on the door. All he wanted was to be left alone. _After all nobody wants me anyway. _Rocking himself in his bed his eyes closed slowly. Sleep took him for another night comforting him for only some hours...

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><p><strong>oOoOoOo<strong>

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><p><strong>(Sorry for any grammar mistakes)<strong>

**Maybe not a great chapter or different from the last one. But I hope you had enjoyed it!  
><strong>**I made this chapter longer since I'll put on another one next week. **

**PS:Any ideas are welcomed at this point. Thank you for the reviews!**

**MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY! NICE DAY TO ALL!**


	23. Chapter 23

**.::I do not own The Outsiders::.**

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><p><strong>23. I'll be you're scarecrow<strong>

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><p>Twobit Mathews threw crumpled up ball of paper at Steve who ducked just in time. While Twobit was laughing Steve grabbed a magazine and flung it to his face. Twobit grumbled some words as he went to pump some gas for a costumer a red mark over his cheek. Steve rolled his eyes, <em>I can't believe this grease monkey is actually working here.<em> The entrance door opened making the bells jingle signaling that someone has entered. Steve, without looking who it was, rested on top of the counter waiting for the person to say what he wanted.

"Hey."

Steve snapped his head up, "Soda?" He asked bewildered.

Nodding his head, Sodapop made his way over the counter ignoring his expression, "I'm working here now."

Randle's mouth was slightly opened totally pissed, _No fucking way!_ Then Twobit appeared whistling a tune then stopped when he saw Soda. He apparently was okay with Soda's return. Well, at least now he was sure how to act around him, before he was pretty uncomfortable. His jokes had no humor in them and beer was his only option. Now he was fine, although he tried to ease the tension every time Soda was in the same room with Pony or Steve. Twobit saw Steve's face and quickly paced towards the middle of them. Sodapop smiled softly at him. _At least Twobit's the sane one here. Which is pretty weird. _

"Howdy there Soda. What brings you're graceful presence here at the DX?"

"Shane gave me my old job back. He told me some curious stuff. Said I had left with a guy..." Sodapop frowned hearing Steve snicker behind.

Twobit bit the inside of his cheek remembering him giving that idea to Steve jokingly, "Er-Well whatever. Um-Any who, Boss says there nice Stang in the back, somethin wrong with its motor thingy ma-bob."

"Leave it to Twobit to make work sound like a child's play, moron." Steve muttered.

Sodapop went to the garage, he was pretty excited to show his new skills he was taught with his past experiences in his long journey. _I bet Steve will be impressed. I hope so._ Steve followed him his eyes holding in the anger of Curtis having the guts to show up and actually work with him. Checking over the red mustang he tightly held on to the tools he needed getting into action. Soda rubbed his chin as he opened the hood inspecting furthermore.

"You checked the fuel pump?"

"Uh-huh."

"Leaks?"

"Yes."

"Was there smoke coming outta the mufflers?"

"I don't know, I think so."

"Didn't you attend the costumer?" Sodapop crossed his arms .

Steve glared at him irritated, "What? Now you're gonna boss me around? You think you have the right to do it? I know what I'm doing _Sodapop._ You ain't even doing nothing so I suggest you hurry your ass up checking that motor."

"Gee, I was only asking. Lighten up will ya?"

"Lighten up? Heck, I'd _lighten up_ if you weren't here!"

Sodapop looked fiercely at him, "Christ Steve! Calm the fuck down! I know you're still mad at me with the whole thing of me coming back but _c'mon!_ I'm just trying to be nice here! Actually trying to get along. Can't you do the same thing? At least at work?!"

The Greaser stood up his hands into fists, "You think it's easy? Easy to-to just pretend nothing happened? Don't be stupid!"

"Look I said I was so-"

"Shut up. Soda, just shut your mouth! Sorry means shit to me. It's not enough! I mean Jesus, Soda. You fucking left like a ghost! And the only contact you ever made was Christmas two years ago! Damn it...Just damn it..."

Soda's eyes softened, "I'm really sorry. If I could do...Do something to show it I would. Just tell me."

Steve shook his head going back to what he was doing, "You shoulda told me in the beginning... I would have understood... Followed you. I thought I was your best friend."

"You are my best friend. I mean, to me you are..."

Taking a deep breath Steve rubbed his neck as if tired, averting his eyes from Soda's he cursed himself for letting out his deep thoughts so easily. Pursing his lips he knew why. Of course he did, after all, back then they talked about everything, intimate stuff. Steve was his shoulder to lean on and vise versa. Those two shared their adventures, they attened the drag races, even double dated. Best of friends. But now it all changed. Steve concentrated on his poker face, that similar sensation of an emotion he would rather hide. _Sadness._

Soda laid a hand on his shoulder, "Maybe one day everything _will_ get better."

Steve shrugged as he muttered, "Just get to work..."

Curtis turned around, he smiled knowing it was progress. _One small step at a time._ At least now Steve had somewhat let go of his anger, only a little. Steve groaned inwardly, _Why am I such a god damned softy._ Soda closed his eyes for a moment, _Hopefully now things will get in order. Peace. Maybe things will get well again. Just maybe..._

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><p><em>Dear Ponyboy,<em>

_Gosh Pone. Sodapop returned? That's a real eye popper right there. I wish I could be there to see him. I know your probably very angry. Reading your letter I know you are. You even said you hated him but you gotta understand Pone that he came back for a reason. I bet that reason was you. Sure, Darry to, us the gang but you. _

_Soda had to do what he had to do, a poor lame choice. But Im thinking he's regretting it. You did say Steve punched him, you ignore him and the rest well. They arent happy either. I wouldnt be too happy too but it would all have worked out. It has too Pony. _

_Don't give yourselves a hard time. God, how I wish I were there too. But no Pony, don't say that it would be better if I was there instead of Soda. It ain't fair you know. Just accept it man._

_I gotta go Ponyboy, today I have a mission. I dont know what will happen. I just want you to know that your the best bud I could ever ask or hope for. Oh, and Im almost done with Gone with the wind, thanks again for that buddy. Really. Take care. Bye._

_~Johnny_

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><p>Ponyboy re-read the letter three times cherishing every word. He finally heard from his friend after almost three weeks. Although he wasn't really glad to hear that he was going in a mission where dangerous things could happen. Even his stomach grumbled in anguish. Folding it neatly and putting it in the box he turned off his lamp. It was almost eight at night, nobody was home. Darry was working until midnight and Sodapop was working at the DX, Twobit and Dally decided to head off to Buck's leaving Pony alone.<p>

He wasn't too fond of the idea of going outside. Something just didn't feel right so he simply stayed. His window was open, fresh air blowing in the room. Ponyboy looked around his semi messy place, books scattered on his small desk, some dirty shirts on the floor, posters of Elvis and Paul Newman on his wall. It felt wrong, something was missing. He felt strange.

Laying on his bed he concentrated on falling asleep thinking it could distract him from his unknown anguish, _One sheep. Two sheep. Three sheep. Four- what the hell am I doing?_ Groaning in frustration he turned to his side furrowing his eyebrows. That nervousness in his stomach wouldn't go away, he could feel something was going to happen. Angrily grabbing his sheets he covered himself with them up to his head. Ponyboy began to think about his childhood. The day he first met Johnny. When he was in the park, he saw a little boy on the swings all by himself. Pony was too young to care if the little boy in the swings wanted to be bothered all he wanted was somebody to play with. Then the day when Pony learned to ride a bicycle, how he almost got ran over a car since his father had let him go. Then his mother hugging him tightly scared out of her wits. _Mom...Dad.._.

Without noticing Ponyboy was imagining himself in town walking in between his parents. His mother was chattering away about wanting to go to the park for a nice picnic while his father smiled listening to everything she was saying. Pony was just amazed to actually see them. Alive! The sun that was shining so brightly was covered by clouds. Big black ones. The air was chillier. Darkness was beginning to cover town.

Pony looked up at the sky wondering how the weather changed so quickly. Noticing his parents weren't at his side anymore he spun around searching for them desperately. _Mom?! Dad?! _Stopping, he caught sight of someone at the end of the street he was in but being too dark he had to squint his eyes to see who it was. Ponyboy started walking towards the dark figure thinking it was his mother or father. He stopped when he saw that the figure was holding something shiny in its hands. _A blade._ Young Curtis froze, _Oh shit!_

The dark figure was getting closer, Pony started screaming for help but nothing came out of his mouth. Only silence. Just as the blade came in contact with his body-

Ponyboy let out a scream of terror as he fell from bed hitting his forehead with his desk. His bedroom door was opened as somebody barged inside. Pony felt hands on his shoulder shaking him lightly as soft words left their mouth. His eyes fluttered open and saw his brother staring at him, concern showing all over his face. _Sodapop. _

"You all right, Pone?" Soda asked gently.

Ponyboy nodded gasping for some air, "Y-yeah."

Sodapop smoothed his little brother's wet hair trying to keep him calm. He could feel Pony shake in his grip. Ponyboy's chin quivered. He was at the verge of crying but he didn't want to. He was trying so hard to stay mad at Soda. He didn't want Soda's comfort or his words. Being stubborn Pony wanted to get away. Although deep down he didn't. He longed for his console. Ever since he was gone. Pony looked away clenching his jaw, tears were in his eyes. Sodapop pursed his lips thinking if it was a good idea to stay there or just leave. He wasn't Pony's favorite person right now. _And maybe never._

He stared at Pony, who was looking away still shaking, his hands were into fists wrapped around his knees that were up to his chin. Behind the tough act he could see the vulnerable Ponyboy. The boy who needed comfort. But his stubbornness was not going to allow it. Sodapop narrowed his eyes, _The hell with it!_ With a swift motion his arms were around Ponyboy pulling him to his chest. Pony's eyes widened in surprise. _S-Soda..._He stayed still as he felt Soda's warm arms hugging him as if there was no tomorrow. He could feel Sodapop's chin rest upon his head. A small warm feeling emerged in his chest. Ponyboy was now confused, he was angry with Soda he didn't even want to be anywhere near him but right now all he wanted was his presence. He wanted that brotherly love again. _I want Sodapop._

Finally, those tears slid down his face. Pony began sobbing clutching on to Sodapop's DX shirt. He cried hard his face against Soda's upper body. Middle Curtis held on to him, a small tender smile on Soda's face. _Oh Ponyboy._ Soda rubbed his back in a circular motion like when he was younger, it always made him relax. Pony's sobs eased up. His eyes were shut closed breathing hard now the feeling of being scared gone. Vanished. Looking up at his brother he wiped his eyes with his arm embarrassed for the whole crying fest.

"I-I'm sorry." He sobbed in a low voice.

Soda shook his head, "You don't have to be sorry for anything Pony."

"You didn't have to do that."

"But I did. I wanted to. As long as you stopped crying, honey. I love you Pony, I'd do anything for you..." Soda paused, "I'll be your scarecrow."

Ponyboy sniffed, "M-My scarecrow?"

Soda nodded holding him again, Ponyboy welcomed it, "That's right Pone. Imagine that you're bad dreams are like those birds that eat corn in those big fields... Am, crows!" Kissing him softly on his forehead Sodapop continued, "So I'll be your scarecrow... I'll scare away your nightmares."

His little brother swallowed the knot forming in his throat yet it stayed there, "Thank you." He choked out.

Maybe there was still some resentment towards Sodapop. It wasn't going to be easy to forgive him or forget. His wound was still open. But right there at that moment it healed some. Like someone putting a stitch over it. It was starting to mend. Soda was managing to dig his way into Pony's heart again. Sodapop still needed some work but he was getting there. He was so close.

Ponyboy let out a deep breath, _Guess I don't hate you that much after all._

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><p><strong>oOoOoOo<strong>

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><p><strong>(Sorry for any grammar mistakes)<br>**

**So I updated sooner than I expected. Which is nice for me and hopefully for you too. **

**I want to thank everyone for their ideas! I used **_**sarahlacksanity idea **_**for this chapter so thank you again! Everyone else, I read your ideas too and I will use them. I just need to fit them in. I appreciate the help and reviews you guys! Hope you enjoyed this chapter!(: **


	24. Chapter 24

**Sorry for such a late update. I've been very busy with school again, work. Please forgive my tardiness and I thank you for keeping up and all those reviews I have gotten. I really appreciate them! I really do. So please, enjoy this sad chapter. Again another sorry for what is about to happen. It just had to be done.**

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><p><strong>.::I do not own The Outsiders::.<strong>

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><p><strong>24. Loss<strong>

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><p>It was already the end of July. Ponyboy's birthday had been celebrated with the Gang. He received many presents including Sodapop's. Ever since his nightmare he kind of let go of some resentment. But he still couldn't talk to him without being angry. Steve was okay by now with Sodapop. It was still a strain consolation but piece by piece could both of them could be best friends again. Twobit was glad, work wasn't awkward anymore. Darry was still stressed that his younger brothers hadn't exactly gone back to their old selves. Dally stuck close to Ponyboy lately. He didn't know why but he hung out with him more.<p>

On his birthday Pony got a letter from Johnny. His heart skipped a beat, he missed his best friend dearly. On his cake when it was time to wish all he wished was for Johnny to come back home. Opening the letter his eyes read it carefully each word.

_Dear Ponyboy,_

_Im real sorry Im not there for your birthday. I wish I could. Still, I can say Happy Birthday! Turning 16 is pretty tuff. You sure are getting bigger. I bet you are a little taller now. Eat a slice of cake for me will ya? I send you a hug from where I am, a real big one. _

_Gosh Pone, I keep thinking of you every day. The gang. I just want to let you know that you're all my family. Thank you for taking care of me all these years. You're the bestest buddy anybody could have asked for. _

_Again, happy birthday Ponyboy. I wish you the best. I hope to get home soon. Give the rest of the letters to everyone please. Oh and tell me how Dally is going. He won't tell me much in his letters. _

_Have a great day Ponyboy. You ain't little anymore but you're still the smallest one of all. Take care._

_~Johnny_

Ponyboy smirked reading the end, Johnny knew how to push Pony's buttons even through a letter. Johnny knew Pony hated being the youngest. Sighing he saved the letter in his usual box filled with other letters. The next day he gave out the letters from Johnny to everybody else. Including Sodapop. He was actually surprised yet he didn't refuse to read it. Dally snatched the paper grumbling a thanks and getting out of the house. He was apparently in a bad mood. On the last day of July Ponyboy had woken up sweating in bed a sob stuck on his throat.

It was around seven in the morning. Darry was going to work in the afternoon as well as Sodapop. Nobody was in the living room as he tip toed down the hallway to the kitchen for a glass of water. Grabbing a cigarette from the coffee table he went out into the porch seeing the run down neighborhood he lived in. Puffing out smoke he knew college was the only way out. A small bad feeling in his mind grew remembering Darry almost accomplished that goal if it weren't for his parents dying and taking custody of his siblings. Pony grimaced, flicking the smoke to the damp grass he began walking down the block.

Johnny's house appeared, his father's car was nowhere to be seen meaning he was not home. Hesitant, Pony walked up to their door knocking softly. He did promise to check up on his mother every then and now. The door creaked slightly open, brown eyes peeked though the crack. Pony rubbed the back of his head not knowing what to say or do.

"I-uh-I was wondering...If...You needed ...Anything Mrs. Cade." He stammered.

Mrs. Cade opened the door wider smiling softly, "Nothing at all. Thank you for coming anyway. I assume Jonathan had something to do with these check-ups?"

Blushing lightly Pony nodded, "Yeah."

She smiled again, "He sure knows how to make a mother happy. Why don't you come in?"

Just as they were about to enter the small house a very fancy car parked by. Two men stepped out in their military uniform with a serious down to earth face. Ponyboy froze, his heart raced a mile a second. Mrs. Cade turned around slowly as one of them handed her a cool metallic object in her hands, his face had a hint of sadness but kept on his poker one. The other man handed her a small package, a brown almost torn box. Both sighed obviously uncomfortable with what they were about to say.

"Jonathan Cade died in action last week. We're terribly sorry, he was a great soldier, it's a shame to see one of our own deceased... He wanted those tags to be handed to his mother and the package to a boy named Po-Pony-boy Curtis."

The woman simply took them feeling their coolness, she gulped nodding. They looked at each other backing away and leaving not staying for the crucial part. Her face had scrunched up as she barged inside her house slamming the door behind her, the package on the ground. Sounds of her sobbing echoed loudly in Pony's head like someone screaming through a microphone.

Ponyboy was left standing frozen on the spot with a dry feeling in his mouth similar cotton. His eyes fell upon the small box on the ground. His eyes widened, what had just happened was so fresh so painful. Numbly he bend over to pick it up with his shaking arms and walked away in a blurry daze. Everything seemed brighter in an irritating way. Cars that honked at him sounded far away. The people who passed by seemed like shadows. All he could think about was his best friend Johnny. _He ain't dead...He can't be dead...He's at the lot or maybe at the Dingo. Or at a movie without me. Maybe with his Ma or at my house watching television. With Dally..._ Swallowing thickly Ponyboy looked around, the sun that shone was gone. Darkness surrounded him. He was in town with people giving him strange stares. Pony lowered his head deciding to go home. _Johnny's waiting for me._

At his place Darry was already home from work. The time was almost midnight. Sodapop was playing a somewhat friendly game of poker with Steve. Twobit was watching while drinking a beer lazily sitting over the counter. Darry rubbed face peeking behind the curtains for any sign of his smaller brother. _Damn it Pone! _Soda threw his cards on the table giving Steve a buck for winning. His mind wasn't really into the game much since he was anxious about Pony. Ever since the nightmare he was worried.

The door opened, it was Dally. He nodded a hello to everyone sitting on the couch. Darry growled some words under his breath frustrated that it wasn't who he was expecting. Half an hour later almost one in the morning finally came Ponyboy. Sodapop who was lying on the couch snapped his head up. Steve furrowed his eyebrows together knowing something was wrong with just one look at his face. Dally was not even paying attention. Darry stood from his recliner slamming the door shut behind Pony.

"What the hell is the meaning of this Ponyboy Curtis?!" He yelled angrily.

Ponyboy didn't answer, only stayed silent.

Darry frowned even more angrier, "I'm talking to you Ponyboy! Answer me!"

Twobit stepped in the middle of them knowing it was probably a bad idea, "Whoa hey! Take it easy superman. Somethins wrong with the kid here."

"Shut up Twobit I ain't talking to you!" Darry hissed.

Sodapop stepped closer to Pony putting a hand on his shoulder noticing his stiffness, "Pony...You all right?"

Steve folded his arms, "What's that you got there in your hands?"

That made Pony react, everybody waited for his answer. Ponyboy snapped out of his daze, "Where's Johnny?"

Dally scratched the back of his head, "His at Nam Pone. What the hell is going on?"

Ponyboy's eyes started watering, "No. No. Really guys where is he? You gotta tell me..." His voice quivered, "Please Dal. Don't lie."

Sodapop took him by the arm and set him on a seat in the kitchen. Darry was nervous, _What happened?_ Twobit sobered up from his beers. Steve wanted to get to the bottom of this, he grew on Pony so he was also worried for him. Dally had an awful bad feeling inside his chest. Soda shook his slightly, "He's not lying, honey."

Steve asked again, "What's that in your hands kid?"

Pony lifted it to his face remembering those two men with the terrible information said. Mrs. Cade crying. The dog tags. _Died in action. Died in action._ With one painful sob Pony shook his head. Everyone was scared now. They needed an answer and they needed one now. Darry was the first to react to his so he firmly grasped him by the shoulders, "Ponyboy. Pony! Tell us what happened. Please!"

"J-Johnny..." Pony sobbed again, "Johnny's dead!"

Dally narrowed his eyes, "You're lying...You're fucking lying!"

Pony let the box drop so he could cover his face with both hands, "I ain't lying! I-I saw them Dal...I was w-with Johnny's Ma. They...came and...said he-he died. Johnny can't be dead." He cried hard.

Dally gritted his teeth, furious he slammed his hand on the table storming out the door. Twobit paled, he held himself against the wall. Steve sat down too, it was like a punch to the gut. Darry didn't know what to say, he was speechless. Sodapop fell on his knees on the kitchen floor. He was really excited for Johnny's arrival. After not seeing him a long time he was excited to see him again and say everything he wanted to in person because in the letter he sent him in Nam those written words weren't enough. _Fuck..._

Young Curtis kept denying it even though he had already said it. Said that his friend was gone. Dead. His hands were now into fists his head feeling light as a cloud, it was like air wouldn't go inside his lungs. Desperate for to breathe again Pony got up quickly his chair falling on to the ground making a loud thump.

The last thing he saw were Soda's big eyes filled with dread and Darry's hands trying to grab him before he could fall into a bittersweet darkness.

_Johnny..._

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><p><strong>oOoOoOo<strong>

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><p><strong>(Sorry for any grammar mistakes)<strong>

**Thank you for reading!:')**


	25. Chapter 25

**.::I do not own The Outsiders::.**

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><p><strong>25. It just ain't right<strong>

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><p>His eyes opened slowly bit by bit. Sunlight shone though his eyelids as he flinched away quickly his hand covering his face. Someone closed the curtains. A hushed voice soothed him making the boy back down against his bed. It all felt hazy to him, like he was in some sort of dream. The person looking down at him was fuzzy looking. Sounds were heard far away.<p>

"Pony..."

"Huh?" That's all he could respond.

"Get some more sleep will ya?"

Ponyboy shook his head, something was wrong he sense it. Swinging his legs around to sit up a pair of arms held him down, "No can do little man. We'll wake you up tomorrow. Don't worry."

Pony sighed heavily as he shut his eyes again. This time darkness overtook him once again.

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><p>The next day all that haziness disappeared. His eyesight was clearer as was his hearing. It was still dark meaning it wasn't morning yet. His window was closed letting no air inside. Rubbing his eyes with the palm of his hands Ponyboy stood up from his bed carefully. In the back of his mind something was bugging him. A familiar sting burning in the back of his brain. He decided to go to the kitchen for a glass of water. Quietly he grabbed a cup filling it with liquids.<p>

He tried remembering what had happened before he blacked out. Why he was just waking up. He noticed that nobody was in the living room. _Where is everybody? Dally's probably at Buck's. Twobit usually crashed here after getting drunk...And Steve well his Dad probably ain't home. But what about John-_ His eyes widened realizing what had occurred. Memories crashed down into his mind. The two men, Mrs. Cade. _Johnny's dead!_

The cup slipped from his hand provoking a loud sound through the house. He began breathing hard and fast and he could hear his heart thumping loudly. _No no no!_ Someone hugged him from behind shushing him quietly. Someone else had turned on the lights of the living room shouting some words Pony didn't grasp. _Johnny's dead. Johnny's dead. Johnny's dead._

"Ponyboy. Please calm down honey. Please, you're gonna make yourself sick again."

Ponyboy's head turned around, it was Sodapop. His brother. _The one who had left me a long time ago. _Pony slumped in a chair running his hand through his hair suddenly calmed down. Darry sat next to him concerned filled in his eyes. _Darry. He never left. He never would. If he wanted me gone he would have put me in a boys home from the beginning. I love Darry._ Older Curtis rubbed his little brother's shoulder, "You feeling better?" He asked in a low voice.

Pony nodded, his eyes wandered off to the living room's window. Morning had arrived. The sun was slowly rising from it's usual hiding place letting everyone know a new day had begun. Darry sighed, he got up getting a glass of water for himself. He pressed his lips into a straight line. That day was a very bitter day. He knew what he was going to say but it was going to be hard. Especially on Pony, he had just woken up and for him to hear this now was probably wasn't the best idea yet if he made Pony stay at home he'd never forgive him. So he sighed once again and stared at Pony.

"Ponyboy. I have something to tell you." Darry started.

Sodapop narrowed his eyes, "Now now Dar."

"Maybe it ain't the right to say this I mean you did just wake up but I think it's best if I say it now... We only got a couple hours to get ready so I just have to. Pony, today is... Is Johnny's funeral." He said averting his eyes from Soda's cold look.

Their younger brother stayed silent, he walked out the kitchen and into his room where he closed the door shut. His eyes were filled with sadness, with finding out _again_ about Johnny's death was enough to break to him and now also knowing that his funeral was held that morning was unbearable. Words to describe his emotions wouldn't form in his mind so he stayed quiet. With all his strength he saw that an hour had passed so he went to his closet and dressed up in the nicest clothes he could. _For Johnny._

When he stepped out he saw the hole gang except for Dally. Steve had his eyes on the ground chewing on his nails while Twobit was on the couch his hands on his face. Darry was leaning against the wall lost in thought and Soda was watching him from where he was. Ponyboy didn't greet anyone, all he did was go out to the porch for a smoke. The air was very chilly even though it was still summer. The sky was bright to which he frowned, _Johnny's dead, how can the day be this fucking cheerful._

Darry motioned for him to go in the car. Sodapop, Darry and Ponyboy got in. Steve drove his own car with Twobit by his side. The funeral would be held in church. Mrs. Cade had made the whole planning thing, she called the Curtis boys to notify them about the date. She had also called to check up on Ponyboy's health. When they arrived few people were there. Mrs. Cade was already inside, her eyes on her feet. She had regretted all those years of not being the mother she had always wanted to be. It was so painful. _Now by boy's dead._

Twobit began crying when he sat down on one of the benches. He just couldn't believe their friend had died so cruelly, so young. _And all because of that stupid war._ Steve pursed his lips, he wouldn't cry. Not now at least. _Damn it Johnny, what are we gonna do without you man. Stupid Nam. Stupid military people. Stupid Stupid!_ Darry closed his eyes remebering how Johnny would crash at their place, how he would always be hanging out with Ponyboy and now. _He's gone._ Sodapop paid his respects, his eyes watered. _I left. I left Johnny and when I came back he left me. I'm really sorry Johnny Cakes. I wish could have seen you one more time. If I had known you-you were gonna leave... God damn it Johnny. I'm so fucking sorry. At least...At least we got to write to each other. Thank you that._ Soda wiped away his tears and sat down next to Darry.

Ponyboy was still at the entrance of the church, he wasn't able to walk towards Johnny's casket. It felt wrong. It felt awful. He had denied Johnny was dead, he made up story on their way to the church about him just being away at some other place. But seeing all this was making things painfully real. Step by step he walked over. Breath by breath Ponyboy was closer. His head throbbed, _he can't be dead he can't be dead._ Unfortunately when he finally got there his eyes widened in shock.

His deceased friend laid inside looking asleep. Some hidden scars visible under what seemed like make up. His lips were pale. What scared him the most were his eyes. They were closed. _And they will never open again._ Ponyboy shook his head not believing any of this. Not believing that the person who was in front of him was never coming back. _Never._ The gang observed his moves, Steve flickered his eyes to Pony's brothers and the kid. Sodapop sat tense, _Ponyboy._ Darry had a feeling that Pony wasn't right. He wasn't ready. _Damn it!_

Ponyboy backed away, his throat burned, he needed to get out. He saw that his gang were about to stop him but he was faster. In a matter of second he was out the church his legs taking him anywhere but there. He ran without knowing where to go all he needed was to get away. _He can't be dead! No! Please! No!_ He collapsed somewhere where there was grass, where there was no one to bother him. No one in sight. Falling on his knees Ponyboy gasped for air, his eyes filling with tears he gritted his teeth. Anger rushed into his hear.

The boy hollered to the sky, "No!...Fuck! No!...Why? Why God? Why'd you have to take him?! Wasn't it enough taking my parents?!" His voice cracked, "Wasn't it fucking enough...Now you took my best friend...Why don't you just take me." Sobbing uncontrollably he pulled his knees up his chest, "Johnny can't be dead. He just can't."

"Well you better fucking believe it kid."

"Dally?"

Dallas slumped down next to him, he had a cigarette in between his lips dangling loosely, his eyes were red obviously from crying but Pony didn't point it out, "He's dead Pony. Can't do shit about it."

"I know. But...How? I mean...Why him? It just ain't fair." Pony whispered.

Dally let out a deep breath, "You should of know that by now, kid. Life ain't never fair."

A moment of silence until Dally spoke up again, "Aren't you supposed to be in his funeral?"

"I just came from there. I don't wanna go back. It doesn't...feel right."

The Greaser nodded, "Let's get the hell outta here '."

Ponyboy shrugged as he rubbed his wet eyes, "Where to?"

Dally grinned, "Let's go forget about all this. And I know the perfect place to go."

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><p><strong>oOoOoOo<strong>

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><p><strong>(Sorry for any grammar mistakes)<strong>


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